Nightmares about my ex after 3-4 years? Why?

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Naizo

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I honestly tried typing this up on my PS4 because my computer died on me but the PS4 had issues with the typing with the controller or the keyboard so I’m on my phone, works much better. It’s  not something entirely new for me but it’s been a long time since I’ve had a dream about my ex, and the year are usually just that. Unrealistic dreams where we aren’t together or run into each other and they go over well. It only causes me pain due to them being dreams, reminding me and the like, of what I had. Most of my time “recovering” has been about remembering my life was worth something before I met her. I Just yesterday hadn’t one start out like that, but quickly turned as she seemingly disappeared. Trying to find her, I see her with my aunt, my aunt saying I’m only 19 a bit too young. I’m 24 as im having this nightmare. I let my presensce be known and state I can hear them, and I’m laughed at. I rush downstairs and the buildings crashes around me.


Typing on the phone slows down considerably after a few lines. It’s almost infuriating so I don’t suggest it to anyone.


The last thing I saw was the ground, small rocks and dirt blinding my vision like I’m being buried? Idk


I gave up on relationships a long time ago and really just support marijuana legalization now, because I had what I loved and don’t want a cheap replacement. My heart is for cannabis, I don’t have the heart for women anymore. I think some women are beautiful, attractive, sharp as a tack I just don’t want to deal with the mumbling and the constant second guessing myself ever again. Not blaming anyone but myself and my anxiety for my inabilities but I personally dream of just having legal marijuana because it’s the one thing I truly love. I don’t smoke anymore, but I feel that constant anxiety and subtle anger and pissyness coming back now that it’s been almost a year since I quit. It really helped manage my anxiety and the anger that stemmed from it, helped me to empathize with others. fresia Richard Nixon.
 
I think a lot of dreams can be symbolic, not necessarily in a supernatural sense. People and objects can symbolize resurfacing thoughts, patterns, feelings, etc. Or maybe just nostalgia.

I don't miss it, but I often see my childhood home in my dreams and the wetlands around it, like it's a kind of default scenery for my subconscious.
 
I had another dream the next day lol. I was fighting a kung fu master and he kept chopping me in the neck. I woke up to realize I was sleeping on my neck wrong and it was having spasms. I’ve had some where the sky is filled with celestial bodies and galaxies of stars. Others where I’m in alien prisons and some where I’m in a college setting. Some being chased by zombies.
 
Is it possible you were thinking about her or saw something that reminded you of her? I would guess you probably had her on your mind (not necessarily consciously) and that's where the dream came from.
 
Sounds like you were invested in that relationship to the point where your entire self-esteem was tied to her. You need to build your life up again. I'm not anti drug, but weed isn't going to help any more than numbing your senses with alcohol.
 
It did :/ Just because it helped me to think of my childhood, and my life before I met her. But yeah. It’s been four or so years and there hasn’t been a single day she’s doesn’t come to mind. Because I saw her in everything. The beauty of the world. Everything from music to the night sky reminds me of it all. It’s all very romantic and sounds wish washy but to me it’s in a very literal sense. I’m so upset because I thought I was past this but it’s come back stronger each time. Like some addiction. I’m so upset. I just hope there’s some version of me and her that still love each other, even if it’s in another reality. I hope they’re happy even if I can’t be.


Who knows maybe I was un stuck in life there for awhile but now I’m stuck again and everything is reminding me of my worst failure.


It’s like I’ve said a million times to my friends who say to get over it. It’s like I lost a part of me, a best friend or a family member decided they no longer wanted anything to do with me because they wanted to try a new family member or best friend out and I had to be removed from the equation to achieve that... it’s like there’s ten hundred things a day where I want to turn to her and ask her opinion but she’s not there and I accepted that painful reality long ago but it still hurts me every day...


What’s worse is the constant wanting to explain this feeling to the one person I imagine would understand it, but her niece said it best. “Well, she doesn’t want anything to do with you, so get over it.”


And to make the worst of it... I have tried talking to other women but they all end up where they stop speaking to me. Without warning or explanation, not that I’m entitled to one whatsoever. It just... hurts.
 
Naizo said:
It did :/ Just because it helped me to think of my childhood, and my life before I met her. But yeah. It’s been four or so years and there hasn’t been a single day she’s doesn’t come to mind. Because I saw her in everything. The beauty of the world. Everything from music to the night sky reminds me of it all. It’s all very romantic and sounds wish washy but to me it’s in a very literal sense. I’m so upset because I thought I was past this but it’s come back stronger each time. Like some addiction. I’m so upset. I just hope there’s some version of me and her that still love each other, even if it’s in another reality. I hope they’re happy even if I can’t be.


Who knows maybe I was un stuck in life there for awhile but now I’m stuck again and everything is reminding me of my worst failure.


It’s like I’ve said a million times to my friends who say to get over it. It’s like I lost a part of me, a best friend or a family member decided they no longer wanted anything to do with me because they wanted to try a new family member or best friend out and I had to be removed from the equation to achieve that... it’s like there’s ten hundred things a day where I want to turn to her and ask her opinion but she’s not there and I accepted that painful reality long ago but it still hurts me every day...


What’s worse is the constant wanting to explain this feeling to the one person I imagine would understand it, but her niece said it best. “Well, she doesn’t want anything to do with you, so get over it.”


And to make the worst of it... I have tried talking to other women but they all end up where they stop speaking to me. Without warning or explanation, not that I’m entitled to one whatsoever. It just... hurts.






You remind me of me a bit.
If it's not too indiscrete...what happened?
"remembering my life was worth something before I met her" is not exactly true though. It still is now. See, the thing is, there is ONLY one you. Oh sure, there's the religious and mumbo jumbo theries of splitting in two or alternate dimensions, blah blah blah, but beyond that, in the strictest sense, in all of History, from the Big Bang until the ultimate Cold Death (or Big Crunch) of the Universe, there will never be another one exactly the same as YOU. That's unique. And that's precious. If you've influenced positively as little as one person, if you've made at least one child smile in your life, that means your life isn't worthless. A lot of people tend to forget that.
For all we know, 30 years from now, I might owe you my life. It's easy for me to see that, but I know, it's a lot harder to convince oneself we actually matter. So Im telling you, you do, even if you don't believe it. You can just believe it out of convenience ;-)
I lost someone like that too, long ago. Lost...I pushed her away. Admittedly for her own good, at least that's what I thought at the time. Probably was the case, her life is much happier now probably without me in it than with.
However...one time in my life I wish I'd been more selfish. I probably would have hurt her in the end, like I did before. But she was the closest thing to perfection I could ever achieve.

LOL And, you know, a year ago I saw and spoke to her again...and turns out she morphed into a different person than I thought. Even though all this happened a decade ago, she refuses to even acknowledge friendship, even though we'd promised it.
Moral? No one's irreplaceable. Sadly. We're just good at convincing ourselves they are. I think the good people are a lot **** better at torturing themselves than the bad ones are. Maybe it's not the best of ways lol.

Anyways, food for thought ;-) Don't take the ramblings of an old man as a cold hard truth as much as something to mull over between two spliffs lol.

As for dreams...I still dream of my college psychology teacher. Only class I passed 100% without even looking at the subject matter (hehe, well I was looking at some MATURE subject matter, viewer discretion was advised ;-) ). Who knows how the brain works. It probably associated her with an idea, a feeling, and throws her at you when you're feeling that way. I wouldn't try and read TOO much into it.
 
I dunno :( All I know is I get really upset about it all. Not so much as angry as when it first happened (at. Myself for my preconceived failure) but just upset I couldn’t find a way to make it work. Everyone I’m around now is a 16 year old due to my work and I’m just not lucky in that 1. It’s bad to try to date co workers and 2 I don’t have a life outside of work and 3. I’m 23 now and I used my youth on her instead of meeting people my age. I don’t blame her though, I’d do it again :(
 
Tealeaf said:
I think a lot of dreams can be symbolic, not necessarily in a supernatural sense. People and objects can symbolize resurfacing thoughts, patterns, feelings, etc. Or maybe just nostalgia.

I don't miss it, but I often see my childhood home in my dreams and the wetlands around it, like it's a kind of default scenery for my subconscious.

It's scary how often I dream about my old elementary school for these same reasons.

But when I think back to my mindset and how I viewed it at the time; kind of my quintessential clubhouse or fun place, then it's no wonder. Nothing has ever really matched it either, so of course my mind would cobble it in with a lot of other things that hold the same merit.
 

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