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Identity
#11
(03-13-2018, 09:49 PM)Volt Wrote: I have a problem with my identity, because i don't know what it is. I don't think i've ever known, so i can't draw on anything from the past. I think that what i'm ultimately looking for is a path to follow. As in, if i have an identity, i can behave according to it....... 

Aww, Volt - hate that you are going through this. I think everyone has periods in life where they feel they 'lack direction', myself included. I can tell you that there is no magic age where you must have all of your shit together. Everyone is different, we grow in our own ways. Regardless of anyone else's expectations of when or how that should happen, ultimately it is you that makes the rules. Remember that.

When I have a problem, I tend to fixate on how to solve it from a logical perspective. So much so, that I analyze every detail, every scenario and outcome until it consumes me.  Of course, the more that I do that, the farther away the answer seems to be.

I have learned that if I 'distract' my active thoughts with something I enjoy, eventually the solution seems to materialize when I least expect it. That 'distraction' can be anything that shuts my brain off, so to speak - for me, it might be something as simple as baking a cake or immersing myself in a favorite hobby. Whatever works for you. I keep doing that until I can revisit the problem with a clearer head.

I do agree that finding a hobby might help. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it interests YOU. Don't worry whether or not you are proficient at it, that's not the point. As long as you are passionate about it, want to learn more about it, look forward to putting it into practice - that is all it takes. The knowledge will come with time and there is no need to rush.

You mentioned in a few posts before about your curiosity with cooking vegetables and sought out recipes. Maybe that would be worth pursuing as a start? If it makes you feel good, do it. Maybe we can swap recipes then! Toungue
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#12
(04-01-2018, 12:27 PM)MissGuided Wrote: Aww, Volt - hate that you are going through this. I think everyone has periods in life where they feel they 'lack direction', myself included. I can tell you that there is no magic age where you must have all of your shit together. Everyone is different, we grow in our own ways. Regardless of anyone else's expectations of when or how that should happen, ultimately it is you that makes the rules. Remember that.

When I have a problem, I tend to fixate on how to solve it from a logical perspective. So much so, that I analyze every detail, every scenario and outcome until it consumes me.  Of course, the more that I do that, the farther away the answer seems to be.

I have learned that if I 'distract' my active thoughts with something I enjoy, eventually the solution seems to materialize when I least expect it. That 'distraction' can be anything that shuts my brain off, so to speak - for me, it might be something as simple as baking a cake or immersing myself in a favorite hobby. Whatever works for you. I keep doing that until I can revisit the problem with a clearer head.

I do agree that finding a hobby might help. It doesn't matter what it is, as long as it interests YOU. Don't worry whether or not you are proficient at it, that's not the point. As long as you are passionate about it, want to learn more about it, look forward to putting it into practice - that is all it takes. The knowledge will come with time and there is no need to rush.

You mentioned in a few posts before about your curiosity with cooking vegetables and sought out recipes. Maybe that would be worth pursuing as a start? If it makes you feel good, do it. Maybe we can swap recipes then! Toungue


Realizing that i make the rules seems to be half the work to getting there. 

I do pretty much the same. I try to strategise my life out continuously. I like doing it too, but i often overlook simple answers. So that's were talking about with others comes in, though i almost never do that. 

Yeah the hobby is a key part i think. I picked up climbing recently, and that's turning out great. I both have a hobby i so far really enjoy doing, and have more people around me. Two for one. The guys i went climbing with so far seem to not at all dislike having me around, i'm really happy with that. We're all learning and trying new things, and have a little dare here and there. I really enjoy it. 

Getting rid of the artificial things such as gaming seems to really help as well. I felt better since i did that, though i still need to step away from social media. The toughest part is finding stuff to do instead. I have to fill alot of hours. But i think i need to just do it and it'll work itself out. If i do it well i should find things eventually. 

I have little cooking knowledge so i'm expanding on that bit by bit. I don't really have recipes to share but i'm willing to receive. I want to get rid of bread and do more with meat and vegetables as the replacement. So that's where that is going. Not really a hobby, but more something i'm pursuing to see if it improves my health in some way.
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#13
(03-14-2018, 08:44 PM)Volt Wrote:
(03-14-2018, 06:40 PM)ardour Wrote: Feelings of inauthenticity aren't that unusual. I often feel like a fraud when it comes to politics or coherent moral viewpoints. Is this really me or a version of myself I wish to portray? Common enough, right? The demographic you're in doesn't help when it comes to a sense of identity.

Maybe it's just down to the way you're spending your  free time. Porn addiction plus a lack of ability to derive enjoyment from anything sound like signs of depression. Not sure how worrying about politics or where you stand on this or that really helps.

Yeah fair enough, i guess i just feel like i am doing myself and a disservice if i'm not authentic enough. I do often things that maybe it's just my age, but i'm nearing 25 and so i think i should've figured this all out already. 

No i don't think it helps much. I think i just need to do more things really. It seems like whenever i do do something, as much as i sometimes agonize about all of the things i did wrong, i never regret doing it. Thank you for reading.
(03-14-2018, 04:54 PM)M_also_lonely Wrote: The answer lies hidden within your post.

Yeah i get that alot.

Here
"Do or say whatever comes up first in my head?"
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Smile   Toungue
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#14
As unpleasant as it might be, you should consider exposing yourself in person to people you will challenge your views and not go easy on you. See if you can try to befriend them.

Happened to me when I part-timed at a leather shoe place. The two guys there (my boss and one of his friends) are two people I could probably never be actual friends with and who cause nothing but extreme stress within me, both by how hypocritical they are, how I felt they were treating me, and how our brains couldn't be on more vastly differing wavelengths if they tried.


...But that's the real world. You can not get along with someone, but you have to learn to adapt to it and not make yourself look like an idiot. That experience helped me so much in learning about myself and even what my identity really was.

It's not fun, but real world experience just out in the world, especially around those who are extremely critical of you, will definitely improve yourself so long as you have the courage to change and face it.
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#15
Impostor syndrome, maybe?

I get that a lot. I'll be doing something grown-up like holding a driver's licence or voting. I'm always half-expecting some "real" grown-up to tap me on the shoulder and tell me to run along home. I'm 47, but I still feel like I'm six.
"Ah, well.  I suppose it has come to this."
 - Ned Kelly
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