Disposition
Member
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2017
- Messages
- 8
- Reaction score
- 0
I actually am writing this for therapeutic reasons as I guess all of us do here as we don’t have anyone in our lives that genuinely would care that we are hurting. If some of you do have someone in your life, cherish it, as it’s rarer then you think.
I’m 35 yrs old and have wasted years on drugs, I feel like I have just woke up and lost 15 years of my life. My emotions are dulled, my sensations don’t shine as bright as they once did so Im just depression in human form, I just accept all the bad things like I’m desensitised but I know deep down you can never be because I wake crying early hours of the morning when everyone’s asleep.
Someone who I thought was a dear friend has just stopped talking to me and ignoring me, the scariest part about it is I legit don’t understand why. You could read this and think maybe I crushed on her, made her uncomfortable, all of that but this is a rare time where I actually have not done anything. I think because I’m so lonely I must be looking for someone to save me as why would I gravitate to people who can throw me away so easily?
My mother’s Ill and had such a rough life, and my family are all going through unhealthy things in their life. It’s now been 4 months where I don’t work, and I just game like a hermit, a loser trying to block out the reality he created.
I read all your posts and think we all go through the same don’t we? So why can’t I find comfort in that? Am I so arrogant and self absorbed that I believe no one else feels the same as me?
I want to be loved by someone that I want to die for, for once I need something or someone to believe in, but nothing changes, I guess I don’t change.
I’m really lost, and my eyes leak at the most stupid times, I don’t want to believe that some people win the life lottery because most of us don’t appreciate what we have anyway, but it seems everyone I meet have people...friends they meet and go out with them, I find that crazy that people have that it’s so alien to me.
But I’d accept anybody, I don’t care about looks or anything, I just don’t want to die not to feel any love in my life. I’m at a point where nothing gives me strength, I’m dying in the worst way possible, by wasting the life I have on nothing on absolute fresia all.
Sorry I don’t have a question, I wrote this really for myself, I can’t stop crying whilst writing this..maybe because I have no outlet for my desperation.
I’m not even scared of dying anymore, I never thought I’d say that but it’s the truth.
No good days come anymore, not even average days, I’d do anything for an average day but I’m so fkn insignificant that I’m not worth anything to anyone, and I don’t have the strength anymore to fight.
If anyone here still has their imagination, and if you still feel your emotions i ******* promise you, you are so close to healing, just don’t ever let that die, keep your desires strong, as some of us are to far gone for even that.
I’m 35 yrs old and have wasted years on drugs, I feel like I have just woke up and lost 15 years of my life. My emotions are dulled, my sensations don’t shine as bright as they once did so Im just depression in human form, I just accept all the bad things like I’m desensitised but I know deep down you can never be because I wake crying early hours of the morning when everyone’s asleep.
Someone who I thought was a dear friend has just stopped talking to me and ignoring me, the scariest part about it is I legit don’t understand why. You could read this and think maybe I crushed on her, made her uncomfortable, all of that but this is a rare time where I actually have not done anything. I think because I’m so lonely I must be looking for someone to save me as why would I gravitate to people who can throw me away so easily?
My mother’s Ill and had such a rough life, and my family are all going through unhealthy things in their life. It’s now been 4 months where I don’t work, and I just game like a hermit, a loser trying to block out the reality he created.
I read all your posts and think we all go through the same don’t we? So why can’t I find comfort in that? Am I so arrogant and self absorbed that I believe no one else feels the same as me?
I want to be loved by someone that I want to die for, for once I need something or someone to believe in, but nothing changes, I guess I don’t change.
I’m really lost, and my eyes leak at the most stupid times, I don’t want to believe that some people win the life lottery because most of us don’t appreciate what we have anyway, but it seems everyone I meet have people...friends they meet and go out with them, I find that crazy that people have that it’s so alien to me.
But I’d accept anybody, I don’t care about looks or anything, I just don’t want to die not to feel any love in my life. I’m at a point where nothing gives me strength, I’m dying in the worst way possible, by wasting the life I have on nothing on absolute fresia all.
Sorry I don’t have a question, I wrote this really for myself, I can’t stop crying whilst writing this..maybe because I have no outlet for my desperation.
I’m not even scared of dying anymore, I never thought I’d say that but it’s the truth.
No good days come anymore, not even average days, I’d do anything for an average day but I’m so fkn insignificant that I’m not worth anything to anyone, and I don’t have the strength anymore to fight.
If anyone here still has their imagination, and if you still feel your emotions i ******* promise you, you are so close to healing, just don’t ever let that die, keep your desires strong, as some of us are to far gone for even that.