I always regret.

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Atom

Member
Joined
Mar 14, 2018
Messages
5
Reaction score
0
I want to make new friends, bond with people, have new social experiences, etc... But I always regret what I say or do when I open up, for a lot of different reasons... Most of the reasons don't seem to be justified... Has anyone else experienced this? How have you gotten over it?
 
Seahorse said:
What is an example of your regrets?

It can be anything, really. I guess a good example would be that I already regret posting. Wondering what other people think or feel about something I've said, done, or otherwise influenced... It just doesn't seem worth it. I spend ten seconds interacting with someone, only to spend days thinking about it afterward. I try to stay away from people but then I end up getting desperate after being alone for long periods of time. I end up doing something weird but harmless, like talking to myself around other people, or posting on an internet thread about how I regret all of my social interactions... haha...
 
Atom said:
Seahorse said:
What is an example of your regrets?

It can be anything, really. I guess a good example would be that I already regret posting. Wondering what other people think or feel about something I've said, done, or otherwise influenced... It just doesn't seem worth it. I spend ten seconds interacting with someone, only to spend days thinking about it afterward. I try to stay away from people but then I end up getting desperate after being alone for long periods of time. I end up doing something weird but harmless, like talking to myself around other people, or posting on an internet thread about how I regret all of my social interactions... haha...

You just have to be okay with what you say or in this case post. Why would anyone be upset for this thread? 

We are a social species, don't stay away where you get to that desperate point.
 
It happens with me too, Atom. It's probably just insecurity, self doubt, a little bit of poor self esteem, stuff like that. It can drive a person nuts second guessing oneself....eventually we gotta trust ourselves to get it right enough of the time for people to still like us.
 
The less we talk to others, the more it seems uncomfortable...perhaps sharing too much, then feeling stupid. Being ignored etc.... I understand
 
Nicolelt said:
Atom said:
Seahorse said:
What is an example of your regrets?

It can be anything, really. I guess a good example would be that I already regret posting. Wondering what other people think or feel about something I've said, done, or otherwise influenced... It just doesn't seem worth it. I spend ten seconds interacting with someone, only to spend days thinking about it afterward. I try to stay away from people but then I end up getting desperate after being alone for long periods of time. I end up doing something weird but harmless, like talking to myself around other people, or posting on an internet thread about how I regret all of my social interactions... haha...

You just have to be okay with what you say or in this case post. Why would anyone be upset for this thread? 

We are a social species, don't stay away where you get to that desperate point.

I don't know why. I don't feel like a social creature at all, until I've been alone for months and suddenly have to interact with others.


constant stranger said:
It happens with me too, Atom.  It's probably just insecurity, self doubt, a little bit of poor self esteem, stuff like that.  It can drive a person nuts second guessing oneself....eventually we gotta trust ourselves to get it right enough of the time for people to still like us.

I think you're right, at least to some extent.  Any other advice on dealing with self doubt? I'm not very good at the "trusting oneself" thing... haha.


Seahorse said:
The less we talk to others, the more it seems uncomfortable...perhaps sharing too much, then feeling stupid. Being ignored etc.... I understand

I've been trying to socialize more recently but it's not getting any easier. In fact, it feels quite the opposite /:...
 
In a way socializing is about caring less about the way you are perceived, you need to make mistakes and make a fool out of yourself, think about the times you've seen others doing that, did it make you think any less of them? did it make you see them as more human and relatable or did absolutely nothing change?

Anyway, my point is that you need to learn to be ok with how people perceive you, people that know you will very rarely change their opinion over one interaction, new people might .... but.. well does it matter what they think? or what anyone thinks?
 
MisterLonely said:
In a way socializing is about caring less about the way you are perceived, you need to make mistakes and make a fool out of yourself, think about the times you've seen others doing that, did it make you think any less of them? did it make you see them as more human and relatable  or did absolutely nothing change?

Anyway, my point is that you need to learn to be ok with how people perceive you, people that know you will very rarely change their opinion over one interaction, new people might .... but.. well does it matter what they think? or what anyone thinks?

I agree with all of your points... 
How does one take those things to heart/learn, though? Would you say it's mostly experience? A lot of will? Or?
 
Atom said:
MisterLonely said:
In a way socializing is about caring less about the way you are perceived, you need to make mistakes and make a fool out of yourself, think about the times you've seen others doing that, did it make you think any less of them? did it make you see them as more human and relatable  or did absolutely nothing change?

Anyway, my point is that you need to learn to be ok with how people perceive you, people that know you will very rarely change their opinion over one interaction, new people might .... but.. well does it matter what they think? or what anyone thinks?

I agree with all of your points... 
How does one take those things to heart/learn, though? Would you say it's mostly experience? A lot of will? Or?

I would say it is experience and perseverance, it sometimes is hard exposing yourself to situation you know have a very high chance in resulting in nothing at all, and because of that in those moments you need to "experiment", you have been doing one thing for a while or maybe even forever that has not een working, so you need find what it is that you do "wrong" and why it is you do those things. 

I'm not saying you should drastically change your ways, but you need to analyse the "failures" in order to learn from them, and then think about what it is you can do different, or what it is that is causing you to shut down.

Most of the time you'll find it's fear of one sort or another, fear of commitment, fear of being disliked, fear of the unknown, fear of actually having to put in effort and see where it goes, fear of making a fool out of yourself, fear of getting hurt, fear of causing hurt, basically fear of making a mistake and living to regret it.

Long story short, you learn through experience yes, but not all will be good ones, a lot won't even especially as you are still finding what works for you without being a fake you.

Just my take on it, and I by no means am doing good myself, but better now than I have been for years
 
Atom said:
I want to make new friends, bond with people, have new social experiences, etc... But I always regret what I say or do when I open up, for a lot of different reasons... Most of the reasons don't seem to be justified... Has anyone else experienced this? How have you gotten over it?

I have this exact same feeling. Whenever I speak I feel like I said the wrong thing no matter what I said.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top