Have you ever experienced true loneliness?

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Unix

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Being here i have seen a lot of people that are in a relationship, have kids, friends but they still feel alone. Now, i wonder: who else have ever experienced true loneliness here? Someone who never had any real friends, a serious relationship or caring parents. Is absurd, i think that i was born without something very important to social relationships, almost like something is missing. I can't make friends, i always take interest in other people but they never reply that interest back, i always engage in conversation with people but they never start a conversation on their initiative with me, i always text / invite people to do things but they never take the initiative to invite me somewhere, i'm always the one who need to put the effort and i almost never get reciprocated.

I have tried them all. And i don't even talk about searching someone who can love me, since i was born with a small dick and it doesn't even work well (LOL, it sucks to know that a thing you can't do nothing about is actually ruining your life) , so finding someone who might love me also in a sexual way looks like a mirage to me, on this topic i just gave up. I have learned that muscles and looks doesn't matter that much at the end, they give you the confidence but in my case even with confidence, muscles and looks i seem to be unatractive to women, they just don't give a fresia about me. Fat, unatractive, insignificant and unintelligent people are actually getting way more social interactions than me without putting any effort, is pretty demoralizing (i don't wanna judge, is just that i can't explain this to myself)

There are the "friends" that calls you only to get motivated ( yes, besides all i'm very positive in life, the only thing that keeps me away from suicide ) and then just vanish untill they gf/bf offends them again. 

So i ask you, there is someone who actually experienced true loneliness here? I am not talking about married people feeling alone, i talk to those who are truly alone, not having someone who cares about them, spending months without hanging with someone  different that your coworkers
Funny thing, i feel alone even here, with other lonely people :D
 
Yes, I have been "physically" very alone for 5 years now, but fortunately this was not my experience for most of my life
 
I had my first girlfriend last year, I'm 34 now and she was the first girl I have been with for anything and everything since the 33 years I had een alive before that, it didn't last long, I still never brought anyone home to meet my mom and sisters, never had someone to be with on my birthday or kiss new years eve.

I have zero friends and haven't had any friends since age 18 and a real friend I probably never had, besides co-workers all my social interactions are online, I have friends online, but I can't just see them whenever as distance, travel and costs are always an issue.

Don't try to sort loneliness in different categories, sometimes it's worse if you know what you're missing out on, I never missed sex or even just a warm body and arm around me before I had it.
 
well im 27 years old a virgin i dont have friends tried to hook up with a girl we went out 3 times and in the end she choose someone else i guess because im not a optimistic person or im not funny or who the fresia knows
at work everyone is happy im like the sad guy all the time everyone asks me why im upset its the same at home too
i guess im gonna die alone , im gonna die maybe at 65+ in my house alone and nobody will even notice that im gone until the neighbours feel the bad smell
 
Seahorse said:
Yes, I have been "physically" very alone for 5 years now, but fortunately this was not my experience for most of my life

Why? did someone hurt you so badly?

MisterLonely said:
I had my first girlfriend last year, I'm 34 now and she was the first girl I have been with for anything and everything since the 33 years I had een alive before that, it didn't last long, I still never brought anyone home to meet my mom and sisters, never had someone to be with on my birthday or kiss new years eve.

I have zero friends and haven't had any friends since age 18 and a real friend I probably never had, besides co-workers all my social interactions are online, I have friends online, but I can't just see them whenever as distance, travel and costs are always an issue.

Don't try to sort loneliness in different categories, sometimes it's worse if you know what you're missing out on, I never missed sex or even just a warm body and arm around me before I had it.

I know that i shouldn't sort loneliness but is so painfull :| Btw, why you had your first girlfriend so late? Unless you are a total mess like me is easy to find a girlfriend. I know some guys that are scum but they have lovely girlfriends 

ticaaa said:
well im 27 years old a virgin i dont have friends tried to hook up with a girl we went out 3 times and in the end she choose someone else i guess because im not a optimistic person or im not funny or who the fresia knows
at work everyone is happy im like the sad guy all the time everyone asks me why im upset its the same at home too
i guess im gonna die alone , im gonna die maybe at 65+ in my house alone and nobody will even notice that im gone until the neighbours feel the bad smell

Sometimes i think that i will die alone too, then i try to see the positive side, then i get depressed again cause there is no solution to my problems, they i get positive again, then depressed again and so on lol
 
Unix said:
Seahorse said:
Yes, I have been "physically" very alone for 5 years now, but fortunately this was not my experience for most of my life

Why? did someone hurt you so badly?

MisterLonely said:
I had my first girlfriend last year, I'm 34 now and she was the first girl I have been with for anything and everything since the 33 years I had een alive before that, it didn't last long, I still never brought anyone home to meet my mom and sisters, never had someone to be with on my birthday or kiss new years eve.

I have zero friends and haven't had any friends since age 18 and a real friend I probably never had, besides co-workers all my social interactions are online, I have friends online, but I can't just see them whenever as distance, travel and costs are always an issue.

Don't try to sort loneliness in different categories, sometimes it's worse if you know what you're missing out on, I never missed sex or even just a warm body and arm around me before I had it.

I know that i shouldn't sort loneliness but is so painfull :| Btw, why you had your first girlfriend so late? Unless you are a total mess like me is easy to find a girlfriend. I know some guys that are scum but they have lovely girlfriends 

ticaaa said:
well im 27 years old a virgin i dont have friends tried to hook up with a girl we went out 3 times and in the end she choose someone else i guess because im not a optimistic person or im not funny or who the fresia knows
at work everyone is happy im like the sad guy all the time everyone asks me why im upset its the same at home too
i guess im gonna die alone , im gonna die maybe at 65+ in my house alone and nobody will even notice that im gone until the neighbours feel the bad smell

Sometimes i think that i will die alone too, then i try to see the positive side, then i get depressed again cause there is no solution to my problems, they i get positive again, then depressed again and so on lol

i get out of the depressed state when i watch a good movie or a tv series , when i play a good game or when i talk to my parents but all of that rarely happens
i have to go out most of the time because of my job and i see all these happy couples walking through park or at a restaurant stuff like that and im thinking "i will never have that " , i hope that someday i will have it but deep down i know that it will never happen
 
[quote pid='871535' dateline='1521986020']
[quote pid='871524' dateline='1521973947']
i get out of the depressed state when i watch a good movie or a tv series , when i play a good game or when i talk to my parents but all of that rarely happens

i have to go out most of the time because of my job and i see all these happy couples walking through park or at a restaurant stuff like that and im thinking "i will never have that " , i hope that someday i will have it but deep down i know that it will never happen



[/quote]

[/quote]

So is only cause of your job? Try to meet someone at your work place or when you are travelling ::D also you don't seems to have sexual problems so you have no excuses xD 
I usually eat my lunch in a very beatifull park and i always see all this smiling couples and i'm happy for them. Deep inside me i can't understand of why i can't to get someone to love me but then i get overwhelmed by peace and acceptation. I'm happy for all these people, for how they can love, have fun and share their lives, is just thet sometimes i feel inferior to my "friends" that can obtain these things so easily :|
 
Unix said:
[quote pid='871535' dateline='1521986020']
[quote pid='871524' dateline='1521973947']
i get out of the depressed state when i watch a good movie or a tv series , when i play a good game or when i talk to my parents but all of that rarely happens

i have to go out most of the time because of my job and i see all these happy couples walking through park or at a restaurant stuff like that and im thinking "i will never have that " , i hope that someday i will have it but deep down i know that it will never happen

[/quote]

So is only cause of your job? Try to meet someone at your work place or when you are travelling ::D also you don't seems to have sexual problems so you have no excuses xD 
I usually eat my lunch in a very beatifull park and i always see all this smiling couples and i'm happy for them. Deep inside me i can't understand of why i can't to get someone to love me but then i get overwhelmed by peace and acceptation. I'm happy for all these people, for how they can love, have fun and share their lives, is just thet sometimes i feel inferior to my "friends" that can obtain these things so easily :|
[/quote]
i feel you on the "inferior to friends" part man
everyone at work that is my age range 25-30 are married or are in serious relationship waiting to get married , there are a few who are single but the only reason is that they enjoy casual sex and they can get it so easy its like unreal to me , they flirt so easy and women like it so much
i did try to hook up with someone at work and it was a disaster 
sexual probelms i dont think i have , i never did get close to having sex to actualy know but who knows
 
TheRealCallie said:
Why is it only "true" loneliness if you don't have anyone?

I second this. You can be surrounded by people still feel lonely. Some people have the superficial resemblance of friends, but they are fake and will talk about you behind your back or something. Do we really have to one up others on the forum in a contest to see who is the most lonely and therefore the most deserving of pity? I think that this place can often attract us when we are feeling the most miserable and lonely, but isn't the point of this to give support for each other in shared experiences and feelings? I do have a pet peeve for people who try and one up each and every conversation and interaction they are involved in, and one person in particular I felt that when they did it so that they could get attention, while they did get that attention, they did it at the cost of potentially better connecting with others and so I consider it counterproductive to make a habit of that.

All that considered, I am sorry that you feel so alone, Unix, I share your frustrations that people aren't reciprocating your attempts at friendship. Perhaps if you focus on a smaller number of people to try to befriend, and be patient and keep trying something will come of it. I don't know, but that's what I've been told works.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Why is it only "true" loneliness if you don't have anyone?

Because when you have people to hang out, talk and fresia life is way easier to enjoy. You know that someone cares about you

wallflower79 said:
TheRealCallie said:
Why is it only "true" loneliness if you don't have anyone?

I second this. You can be surrounded by people still feel lonely. Some people have the superficial resemblance of friends, but they are fake and will talk about you behind your back or something. Do we really have to one up others on the forum in a contest to see who is the most lonely and therefore the most deserving of pity? I think that this place can often attract us when we are feeling the most miserable and lonely, but isn't the point of this to give support for each other in shared experiences and feelings? I do have a pet peeve for people who try and one up each and every conversation and interaction they are involved in, and one person in particular I felt that when they did it so that they could get attention, while they did get that attention, they did it at the cost of potentially better connecting with others and so I consider it counterproductive to make a habit of that.

All that considered, I am sorry that you feel so alone, Unix, I share your frustrations that people aren't reciprocating your attempts at friendship. Perhaps if you focus on a smaller number of people to try to befriend, and be patient and keep trying something will come of it. I don't know, but that's what I've been told works.

Superficial friendships are better than no friends and not every superficial friend will try to stab you ::D i don't know why, it just drives me mad when i see someone complaining about solitude when they have kids, lovers and friends, i know that this isn't a competition but is absurd for me to feel alone while surrounded by friends, is something that is out of my comprehension. Who knows, maybe i need to have friends to understand the feeling. working toward it!
And i aint trying to get attention, i just wanted to see if there was someone similar to me here 

Thank you for the support ::D honestly i cant see of how my social life can change for better but the thought if dying like this destroys me. That is the only reason i keep going. And the tomato throwing festival, i cant miss that ::D 

How are doing? i remember you from my thread where i tryed to create something similar to a chat room but it didn't worked


ticaaa said:
Unix said:
[quote pid='871535' dateline='1521986020']
[quote pid='871524' dateline='1521973947']
i get out of the depressed state when i watch a good movie or a tv series , when i play a good game or when i talk to my parents but all of that rarely happens

i have to go out most of the time because of my job and i see all these happy couples walking through park or at a restaurant stuff like that and im thinking "i will never have that " , i hope that someday i will have it but deep down i know that it will never happen

So is only cause of your job? Try to meet someone at your work place or when you are travelling ::D also you don't seems to have sexual problems so you have no excuses xD 
I usually eat my lunch in a very beatifull park and i always see all this smiling couples and i'm happy for them. Deep inside me i can't understand of why i can't to get someone to love me but then i get overwhelmed by peace and acceptation. I'm happy for all these people, for how they can love, have fun and share their lives, is just thet sometimes i feel inferior to my "friends" that can obtain these things so easily :|
[/quote]
i feel you on the "inferior to friends" part man
everyone at work that is my age range 25-30 are married or are in serious relationship waiting to get married , there are a few who are single but the only reason is that they enjoy casual sex and they can get it so easy its like unreal to me , they flirt so easy and women like it so much
i did try to hook up with someone at work and it was a disaster 
sexual probelms i dont think i have , i never did get close to having sex to actualy know but who knows
[/quote]

Why a disaster? did they slap you? :p
 
Um, not so much no. Because NO ONE can help you or be of use to you when you don't give a fresia about anything or anyone. LONELINESS can be true even when you have people are around you. It doesn't matter if people care about you or not. I can guarantee you that I was more lonely than you could possibly imagine, even though I had my kids with me every **** day and people kept trying to talk to me because IT DID NOT MATTER because I hated myself and wanted nothing except to wallow in my own misery. I even lost a few friends because I pushed every **** person in my life away.
Don't talk to me about TRUE loneliness because I know what it is. Don't make claims if you have never walked in the shoes of someone who does have people in their lives.
I get it, you are lonely, most of the people here are, but don't put claims as to what TRUE loneliness is because that can NOT be determined. TRUE loneliness is when you are lonely, not whether or not you have people in your life.
 
TheRealCallie said:
Um, not so much no.  Because NO ONE can help you or be of use to you when you don't give a fresia about anything or anyone.  LONELINESS can be true even when you have people are around you.  It doesn't matter if people care about you or not.  I can guarantee you that I was more lonely than you could possibly imagine, even though I had my kids with me every **** day and people kept trying to talk to me because IT DID NOT MATTER because I hated myself and wanted nothing except to wallow in my own misery.  I even lost a few friends because I pushed every **** person in my life away.  
Don't talk to me about TRUE loneliness because I know what it is.  Don't make claims if you have never walked in the shoes of someone who does have people in their lives.
I get it, you are lonely, most of the people here are, but don't put claims as to what TRUE loneliness is because that can NOT be determined.  TRUE loneliness is when you are lonely, not whether or not you have people in your life.

Then your situation was completely different because you have choosen loneliness, you had people in your life and you rejected them. This is a imposed loneliness that you have choosen to embrace. Not what i was talking about
 
Unix said:
TheRealCallie said:
Um, not so much no.  Because NO ONE can help you or be of use to you when you don't give a fresia about anything or anyone.  LONELINESS can be true even when you have people are around you.  It doesn't matter if people care about you or not.  I can guarantee you that I was more lonely than you could possibly imagine, even though I had my kids with me every **** day and people kept trying to talk to me because IT DID NOT MATTER because I hated myself and wanted nothing except to wallow in my own misery.  I even lost a few friends because I pushed every **** person in my life away.  
Don't talk to me about TRUE loneliness because I know what it is.  Don't make claims if you have never walked in the shoes of someone who does have people in their lives.
I get it, you are lonely, most of the people here are, but don't put claims as to what TRUE loneliness is because that can NOT be determined.  TRUE loneliness is when you are lonely, not whether or not you have people in your life.

Then your situation was completely different because you have choosen loneliness, you had people in your life and you rejected them. This is a imposed loneliness that you have choosen to embrace. Not what i was talking about

I suppose I also CHOSE to have my husband leave me after 10 years of marriage....after, of course he chased most of my male friends away?  lol, are you ******* serious?

Also, I'm not lonely at all anymore, but I'm sorry, you don't know what you are talking about.
But you know, if you think about it, everyone chooses to be lonely or not. No one HAS to be alone and chances are probably pretty high that you have not taken each and every opportunity that was handed to you. You most likely blew people off that could have or did care about you. So yeah, I guess in the big picture, you also choose to be lonely :)
 
Unix said:
Because when you have people to hang out, talk and fresia life is way easier to enjoy. You know that someone cares about you

Not really. That highly depends on the person. Having people around, small number or big number of them, doesn't mean someone's automatically cured of whatever lonely feelings they're having. Just like having no one around doesn't automatically make someone lonely. I'm not lonely, but for me, I doubt having a bunch of people around would make my life easier to enjoy.
 
You have written before that you pushed some friends away, that is clearly a choice and who knows, I could have done something to push away people as well UT I have done it in a unconscious manner, something that a 13 years boy can't understand


VanillaCreme said:
Unix said:
Because when you have people to hang out, talk and fresia life is way easier to enjoy. You know that someone cares about you

Not really. That highly depends on the person. Having people around, small number or big number of them, doesn't mean someone's automatically cured of whatever lonely feelings they're having. Just like having no one around doesn't automatically make someone lonely. I'm not lonely, but for me, I doubt having a bunch of people around would make my life easier to enjoy.

I haven't said that it cures loneliness but at least it helps and having no one around makes you lonely because you have nobody to talk with, to share feelings and emotions. You just try to find a way to get rid of all the stuff that you keep inside
 

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