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Feel like my life is over
#1
I think I reached a point of no return. I have been in this episode for 6 months now. Each month getting worse and worse. Therapy was not helping me anymore and I have been trying medications since December and none of them helped me either, they just made me feel more depressed, numb, dead, flat, empty. I am thinking I might be better off not taking any medications. I can’t even find a new therapist to treat me, none of them have gotten back to me and few take my insurance. And some are even telling me to go inpatient or partial hospitalization. I went inpatient for a week last month and they put me on meds that did nothing but made me feel worse than before. I feel I have given up all hope and will to live, like I would be fine if I died right now, or if someone put me out of my misery. I feel I am beyond help, nothing gets through to me anymore. Everyday is anxiety, depression, desperation, loneliness, isolation. I spend almost all of my time in my room alone in front of my computer. And when I go out and am around people, it does nothing for me at all, in fact I get more anxious, depressed, paranoid, and uncomfortable around people, a very surreal experience. Talking to people one on one is easier for me but I have very few people to do that with, and it doesn’t help as much as it used to. Nothing helps. 

At the age of 30 I feel I have reached the end of my life as I know it, that there is nothing after this. I find myself alone and abandoned. People that I used to talk to have stopped talking to me because I just keep getting worse and worse and I guess people get tired or just give up on me. The duration of this will try anyone’s patience, and the fact that it is only getting worse and worse. Nobody wants to invest in something that is doomed to fail, this not only includes friends, but family and even professionals. I have nothing to look forward to and everyday is the same, with no end in sight, there are never any happy moments or relief of any kind. And no hope or nothing to look forward to in the near future. This is torture, like a living nightmare, pure hell, and it is lasting for what feels like an eternity. I am so scared and feel my life is over. 
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#2
Sorry you are so down and alone. I know there's not a ton of activity on here, but maybe participating in a thread, helping some one else, offering support might help a bit and make you feel a bit more connected to others.
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#3
I am sorry you feel this way. When you were taking your meds, how long did you try them?

Try to take care of yourself physically, and focus on that. Maybe focusing on what you eat and exercise will help you with some of these built up emotions. And the great thing, you don't even have to leave the house, you can look up exercise videos on youtube.

I hope you get to feeling better.
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#4
Besides meds, what are you doing to try to change your situation?
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#5
I'd be lying if I said there weren't days I didn't feel like that (probably more than I don't feel that way), so I do sympathise.

I hope that you are able.to find something that you can look forward to and that things start to look up for you soon.
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#6
I am hanging on as best I can, but I feel like I am on fire and can't be put out. The anxiety, depression, and desperation, is constant, no matter what I do, or how I try and distract myself. And none of these meds are helping at all which leads me to believe I am treatment resistant. I am looking for a new therapist now.

Drawing, reading, exercising, coloring, none of it does anything for me anymore. I feel I am in this state 24/7.
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#7
You still have a lot of life to live.  Your life is important and I care about your well-being.  Have you thought about contacting your insurance company to see what counselor/therapists are listed in their network?  Many times if you call the insurance carrier, they can give you the names of participating providers in your area. It may take some time before you are able to find the right therapist and medication combination if that's what the therapist recommends.  Have you thought about meditating on how you would like your life to be in the future? Positive thoughts can turn your life around in time.  I am sorry you are feeling this way.  There is hope for your future.  You are not alone.  Wishing you the best and you are in my thoughts.
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#8
I don't have the answers to fix things for you but please don't quit on your life.
Here's something that worked for me about 30 years ago: I set a 5 year goal for myself.....tough it out for another 5 years, that was the prize, make it through just that much more time......then i could catch the bus out of town that never comes back. 5 years later I wasn't all that much better off (maybe a little), but I set another goal: another few years. Eventually I congratulated myself on just surviving......the shit didn't win....I was tougher than the shit. That's how I quit drinking too by the way.....but that was one day at a time: "today I'm not getting loaded".
In the end I was still alive and reasonably functional. Crutching my way through one goal after the other. And I'm still here.

30 years old is too soon for your life to be over.
Contentment comes from within.  Do not seek it from outside yourself.

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#9
You need to appreciate what you have... How do you live in NYC and don't have a job? People on here are feeling sorry for you and offering support !
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#10
(03-28-2018, 09:38 AM)Nicolelt Wrote: I am sorry you feel this way. When you were taking your meds, how long did you try them?

Try to take care of yourself physically, and focus on that. Maybe focusing on what you eat and exercise will help you with some of these built up emotions. And the great thing, you don't even have to leave the house, you can look up exercise videos on youtube.

I hope you get to feeling better.


Thank you, I am thinking about stopping the meds as they are not doing much. You I was always pretty big on exercising.

(03-30-2018, 10:19 AM)foreverbeach11 Wrote: You still have a lot of life to live.  Your life is important and I care about your well-being.  Have you thought about contacting your insurance company to see what counselor/therapists are listed in their network?  Many times if you call the insurance carrier, they can give you the names of participating providers in your area. It may take some time before you are able to find the right therapist and medication combination if that's what the therapist recommends.  Have you thought about meditating on how you would like your life to be in the future? Positive thoughts can turn your life around in time.  I am sorry you are feeling this way.  There is hope for your future.  You are not alone.  Wishing you the best and you are in my thoughts.



Thank you. I am waiting to get a call back from a few new therapists. I used to meditate every day. Now I just hope for the future and am trying to set short term goals for myself.

(03-30-2018, 01:11 PM)constant stranger Wrote: I don't have the answers to fix things for you but please don't quit on your life.
Here's something that worked for me about 30 years ago: I set a 5 year goal for myself.....tough it out for another 5 years, that was the prize, make it through just that much more time......then i could catch the bus out of town that never comes back. 5 years later I wasn't all that much better off (maybe a little), but I set another goal: another few years. Eventually I congratulated myself on just surviving......the shit didn't win....I was tougher than the shit. That's how I quit drinking too by the way.....but that was one day at a time: "today I'm not getting loaded".
In the end I was still alive and reasonably functional. Crutching my way through one goal after the other. And I'm still here.

30 years old is too soon for your life to be over.

Yea, the only thing that keeps me going is hope that I still have time left, that it is not too late.

Thank you everyone for the support.
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