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Seosa

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A number of years ago, in my first year at Uni, I joined this forum. There were so many good people, so many struggling like myself and many others. As is typical in my life, I struggled to fit in. Bizarre I know, struggling to fit in on a forum like this where people come to find solitude with each other, but I simply failed to find genuine common ground with people beyond being lonely. Eventually, my personal problems away from this forum worsened substantially, I was self harming and came close to a breakdown. In the end, I was dismissed from the forum due to, quite frankly, being a bit abhorrent. In my piss poor mental state, I turned against the people on the forum out of a feeling of rejection, and was duly turned away at the door and locked out. Rightly so, too.

Fast forward to April, 2018. I am three weeks away from turning 25. I graduated Uni 3 years ago, and have since had 3 different jobs. I was pretty good at all 3 jobs, but my face never really fit in at any of them, and I lost each one on personal grounds. Never sacked thankfully, just never successfully passing probation, etc. In addition to this, I have become more and more lonely with each passing year. Luckily I am very close with my parents, but a time will come where I will be completely alone and as I grow older, the reality increases of a life even more dark and depressing than before in a world that continues to deteriorate.

I have Aspergers on a minor level, though I can function to beyond a normal enough standard when I need to with people. Although I have dealt with the Aspergers relatively well since I was 16 or so, I have come to accept the discrete ways that Aspergers truly affects you, almost like grooves on a vinyl record. I have never truly had a friend, only casual acquaintances, and I am coming to accept that I will never have a companion in life. Honestly, as times goes on, I get the impression I would only annoy such an individual to the point where I would drive them away.

Anyway, I came back last night to have a read and I had a chuckle seeing a couple of old usernames bringing the positive spirit they do to the forum, though I pained at seeing yet more people suffer from this life we have to live. I'm not sure if I'll stick around, if I'll even be allowed to, but if I do, expect me to chip in on matters such as sport, life and music. Admittedly I'm in the midst of a vinyl obsession at the moment, quite typical given the reference I made in the previous paragraph. If you've sat through this, I can only apologise, but all I can say to everybody on here is stay strong, because there is a purpose for you in life if you can find the right path.
 
Welcome :D what does precisely aspengers to you? I admit my ignorance, not sure if aspenger was that condition for which you aren't able to feel emotions
 
You came and went before I came back, so I didn't have any dealing with you.
Welcome back, though.  Don't let any diagnosis stop you from having the life you want.  You can make friends and have them stick by you.  Yes, they might get annoyed, but everyone gets annoyed by people, whether you are autistic or not.  Keep trying and don't give up.
 
Welcome back, and well met!

Sometimes things have to get worse before we see how much we have to change, you got though university and know you can at least hold a job, even if they didn't work out long term.

If a job whee you see the same people every day, year in year out isn't working for you, maybe you could look into working for a dispatching agency/temp agency? I don't know the exact word in english, one whee you'd be send out to help on project basis in different organisations :)
 
Thanks for the welcomes.

Re; Unix - Asperger's affects your personality and how you interact with society. There's this fallacy that people with Asperger's can't feel emotions, etc. Believe me I'm pretty emotional. Asperger's i almost like a wall I suppose between yourself and society. You can try your best to break it down and I've done an OK job doing so, but you can never truly get rid of it.

Re; Callie - To be honest, I've generally given up on people. I'd happily welcome a very small group of people or even one or two into my life who I have an abundance of similarities with, but I've simply never encountered them yet. Who knows, maybe someday.

Re; Lonely; I know what you're saying about temp positions and agencies, but in England they're not very trustworthy, and often fail to provide much in the way of job security or satisfaction. I'm hoping to find something that I can really throw myself into if I can, but opportunities are limited at the moment.
 
From what I've seen and heard, it's not that people with Asperger's can't feel emotions, it's that they just don't really understand or know how to handle feelings. I don't believe that you really have to get rid of it, you just need to find a way to climb over it. You can do everything anyone else can do, you just need to find an alternative way of doing things. All you can do is keep trying your best and don't give up.
Have you considered joining an autism support group?
 
TheRealCallie said:
From what I've seen and heard, it's not that people with Asperger's can't feel emotions, it's that they just don't really understand or know how to handle feelings. I don't believe that you really have to get rid of it, you just need to find a way to climb over it. You can do everything anyone else can do, you just need to find an alternative way of doing things. All you can do is keep trying your best and don't give up.
Have you considered joining an autism support group?

Funnily enough, I have found a local group, yes. I intend to drop in tomorrow and just have a chat, maybe see if they can give any advice, etc. It's something admittedly I've avoided for years, whether it be because of stigmas or often because I've felt that people who think they are helping are often quite patronising. It's been quite funny for me how often, whenever I've confided in people that I have Asperger's, their response has usually been "But if you hadn't told me, I wouldn't think you'd have it", so generally I can engage normally for the most part but it's like wearing a mask really. You're constantly burying your troubles and difficulties as a means of trying to get by.
 
Seosa said:
TheRealCallie said:
From what I've seen and heard, it's not that people with Asperger's can't feel emotions, it's that they just don't really understand or know how to handle feelings.  I don't believe that you really have to get rid of it, you just need to find a way to climb over it.  You can do everything anyone else can do, you just need to find an alternative way of doing things.  All you can do is keep trying your best and don't give up.
Have you considered joining an autism support group?

Funnily enough, I have found a local group, yes. I intend to drop in tomorrow and just have a chat, maybe see if they can give any advice, etc. It's something admittedly I've avoided for years, whether it be because of stigmas or often because I've felt that people who think they are helping are often quite patronising. It's been quite funny for me how often, whenever I've confided in people that I have Asperger's, their response has usually been "But if you hadn't told me, I wouldn't think you'd have it", so generally I can engage normally for the most part but it's like wearing a mask really. You're constantly burying your troubles and difficulties as a means of trying to get by.

I really don't understand why people think autism has a "look."  I think when people here that word, they either don't know what it is or just assume it's low functioning autism and that's what they are expecting to see.  I hear the same thing when people say something about my son. 
Good luck at your group, I hope it turns out well.  If you ever want to get anything off your chest or just rant, feel free to PM me.  I don't get offended, so you wouldn't have to worry about what you say.
 
TheRealCallie said:
I really don't understand why people think autism has a "look."  I think when people here that word, they either don't know what it is or just assume it's low functioning autism and that's what they are expecting to see.  I hear the same thing when people say something about my son. 
Good luck at your group, I hope it turns out well.  If you ever want to get anything off your chest or just rant, feel free to PM me.  I don't get offended, so you wouldn't have to worry about what you say.

Thanks for the PM offer, I appreciate it. The best thing you can do for your son, in my opinion, is try to guide him like you would with any other child, but be open minded with the things he likes and how he approaches life. Unfortunately, I wasn't diagnosed until just before I turned 13, and even then me and my parents didn't really get to understand it for a number of years. If you can understand, or at least try your best to understand, what goes on in your son's mind and how he views the world, then you can take a much better, structured approach to guiding him through the crucial years in his life which will allow him to adapt to society far easier than Asperger's individuals often do.
 
Seosa said:
TheRealCallie said:
I really don't understand why people think autism has a "look."  I think when people here that word, they either don't know what it is or just assume it's low functioning autism and that's what they are expecting to see.  I hear the same thing when people say something about my son. 
Good luck at your group, I hope it turns out well.  If you ever want to get anything off your chest or just rant, feel free to PM me.  I don't get offended, so you wouldn't have to worry about what you say.

Thanks for the PM offer, I appreciate it. The best thing you can do for your son, in my opinion, is try to guide him like you would with any other child, but be open minded with the things he likes and how he approaches life. Unfortunately, I wasn't diagnosed until just before I turned 13, and even then me and my parents didn't really get to understand it for a number of years. If you can understand, or at least try your best to understand, what goes on in your son's mind and how he views the world, then you can take a much better, structured approach to guiding him through the crucial years in his life which will allow him to adapt to society far easier than Asperger's individuals often do.

I generally don't tolerate excuses.  They don't help and are usually just a cop out.  I understand that sometimes things are harder for him, but that doesn't mean he can't accomplish whatever he wants to do.  I've researched a lot about Asperger's and autism in general, and I'm a member of several support groups, so I hear from people who have autism and people who care for those that have autism, so I'm not an expert by any means and I can't say I know what he is feeling or going through, but I do my best with him.  Asperger's is just a label, it can't stop you unless you let it.  He is free to do whatever he wants to do (within reason, of course) and I will always support him, even if that means he wants to flip burgers....although, given that he's in a culinary program, I hope he does more than flip the burgers.  lol
 
TheRealCallie said:
Seosa said:
TheRealCallie said:
I really don't understand why people think autism has a "look."  I think when people here that word, they either don't know what it is or just assume it's low functioning autism and that's what they are expecting to see.  I hear the same thing when people say something about my son. 
Good luck at your group, I hope it turns out well.  If you ever want to get anything off your chest or just rant, feel free to PM me.  I don't get offended, so you wouldn't have to worry about what you say.

Thanks for the PM offer, I appreciate it. The best thing you can do for your son, in my opinion, is try to guide him like you would with any other child, but be open minded with the things he likes and how he approaches life. Unfortunately, I wasn't diagnosed until just before I turned 13, and even then me and my parents didn't really get to understand it for a number of years. If you can understand, or at least try your best to understand, what goes on in your son's mind and how he views the world, then you can take a much better, structured approach to guiding him through the crucial years in his life which will allow him to adapt to society far easier than Asperger's individuals often do.

I generally don't tolerate excuses.  They don't help and are usually just a cop out.  I understand that sometimes things are harder for him, but that doesn't mean he can't accomplish whatever he wants to do.  I've researched a lot about Asperger's and autism in general, and I'm a member of several support groups, so I hear from people who have autism and people who care for those that have autism, so I'm not an expert by any means and I can't say I know what he is feeling or going through, but I do my best with him.  Asperger's is just a label, it can't stop you unless you let it.  He is free to do whatever he wants to do (within reason, of course) and I will always support him, even if that means he wants to flip burgers....although, given that he's in a culinary program, I hope he does more than flip the burgers.  lol

True, generally there should be no limits to what he can achieve. BUT, Asperger's CAN be a barrier that "regular" folk don't have to worry about. That means sometimes we have to find alternative means to dealing with situations. If you can ensure that he has support with that, he'll do fine.
 
Welcome back to the forum, I hope you find what you're looking for.
I personally am going through that right now, rough patch at work. I feel like I'm going to get sacked, so I'm trying to leave the ship before that happens.
 
Richard_39 said:
Welcome back to the forum, I hope you find what you're looking for.
I personally am going through that right now, rough patch at work. I feel like I'm going to get sacked, so I'm trying to leave the ship before that happens.

Thanks very much.

I think its probably best for you to do so, it's always easier to find work when you're in work as opposed to looking when you're out of work, or so they say.
 
Seosa said:
Richard_39 said:
Welcome back to the forum, I hope you find what you're looking for.
I personally am going through that right now, rough patch at work. I feel like I'm going to get sacked, so I'm trying to leave the ship before that happens.

Thanks very much.

I think its probably best for you to do so, it's always easier to find work when you're in work as opposed to looking when you're out of work, or so they say.

Never been fired before, so I don't know how I'd take that. Considering I was getting thrown flowers 6 months ago, it's quite a heel turn...
 
Richard_39 said:
Seosa said:
Richard_39 said:
Welcome back to the forum, I hope you find what you're looking for.
I personally am going through that right now, rough patch at work. I feel like I'm going to get sacked, so I'm trying to leave the ship before that happens.

Thanks very much.

I think its probably best for you to do so, it's always easier to find work when you're in work as opposed to looking when you're out of work, or so they say.

Never been fired before, so I don't know how I'd take that. Considering I was getting thrown flowers 6 months ago, it's quite a heel turn...

tumblr_mkzygvrmR81snfbr7o1_500.gif
 

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