how to cope with depression after domestic violence?

I come from a sexist family. My father forced me to do whatever he wants which has changed my profession and personal life forever. There's one time, he literally tried to kill me, stepping on my chest with his full strength telling me that he could give me a life, he can also end it. I didn't fight back, I wanted him to kill me, sometimes I wonder why he didn't just kill me when he found that I'm not a boy when I was born. It was my mom found out and stopped him. After that, I have depression problem, it's like the tides, sometimes I feel those sorrows have gone away, sometimes the wave just hits me so hard that I couldn't stand up anymore. I'm in no power to control it. Even though I'm very far away from my parents now, different time zone, depression still haunts me. I went to the psychiatrist and had treatment for quite some time, I asked my psychiatrist how do those people suffered from this kind of life threatening violence recover from depression and start a normal life. He looked at me and said nothing. I feel devastated. I still need medications to keep my regular hours. Everytime when I think that I could never be normal again I feel more depressed.

Right now I tend to date much older men, I want father's love I admit, I'm always too attached, I always I have a feelings like I'm a trash, I'm nothing, no one would appreciate me, I don't know if anyone has ever conquered this kind of situation, please shed some light

I understand how you feel, I come from a very abusive home and I struggle with pain everyday.But know this, the world is full of light even when you think its only darkness. Surround yourself with that light, with people who love you, with things that make you happy. I won't say it'll conquer everything, because I still struggle. But remember this, pain is temporary, love is forever.

toasty_one said:

I understand how you feel, I come from a very abusive home and I struggle with pain everyday.But know this, the world is full of light even when you think its only darkness. Surround yourself with that light, with people who love you, with things that make you happy. I won't say it'll conquer everything, because I still struggle. But remember this, pain is temporary, love is forever.

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Thank you, everytime when depression hits me again, I tell myself it's temporary, it will go away, I will stand again. Just sometimes the fact that it might be haunting me all my life makes me more depressed. Thank you

You’re welcome friend, stay strong and hold your head up. You are worth more than your pain let’s you think.

SSME said:

toasty_one said:

I understand how you feel, I come from a very abusive home and I struggle with pain everyday.But know this, the world is full of light even when you think its only darkness. Surround yourself with that light, with people who love you, with things that make you happy. I won't say it'll conquer everything, because I still struggle. But remember this, pain is temporary, love is forever.

Click to expand...

Thank you, everytime when depression hits me again, I tell myself it's temporary, it will go away, I will stand again. Just sometimes the fact that it might be haunting me all my life makes me more depressed. Thank you

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Time.
There is no magic formula to heal from some wounds. Through my personal experience I know that for a fact now, and it's not always easy. Like you, when the going starts getting rough, I start to crack again. We have all the reasons in the world too, its not images you can simply chase away from your mind and start over any readily.
The only thing that will change anything is time, and taking things one little step at a time. Trying to not let things get you down, and when they do, talking to some people helps, even if only for a littel while.
I personally joined a men's health group. It helps.
You might want to consider something similar besides your psychologist, just a group where like-problemed people hang out.
I hope it goes better.

Richard_39 said:

SSME said:

toasty_one said:

I understand how you feel, I come from a very abusive home and I struggle with pain everyday.But know this, the world is full of light even when you think its only darkness. Surround yourself with that light, with people who love you, with things that make you happy. I won't say it'll conquer everything, because I still struggle. But remember this, pain is temporary, love is forever.

Click to expand...

Thank you, everytime when depression hits me again, I tell myself it's temporary, it will go away, I will stand again. Just sometimes the fact that it might be haunting me all my life makes me more depressed. Thank you

Click to expand...

Time.
There is no magic formula to heal from some wounds. Through my personal experience I know that for a fact now, and it's not always easy. Like you, when the going starts getting rough, I start to crack again. We have all the reasons in the world too, its not images you can simply chase away from your mind and start over any readily.
The only thing that will change anything is time, and taking things one little step at a time. Trying to not let things get you down, and when they do, talking to some people helps, even if only for a littel while.
I personally joined a men's health group. It helps.
You might want to consider something similar besides your psychologist, just a group where like-problemed people hang out.
I hope it goes better.

Click to expand...

Actually it's been 10 years since that violence. Sometimes, the evil me is thinking that some day when he dies maybe it will be better and I'd be able to go back to my home country (even a doctor told me so), but thought like this scares me and makes me sad at the same time. It's not that I don't love my parents, it's complicated.  

Thank you for your advice, I had an episode last week, now I feel better, I'll see what else I could do when it hits again next time.