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san_te

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Not caring much for anything. Relationships or communications of any kind are like lifes joke. Still alive. Living for something that will never happen but I dare not repeat that to myself. I love you i hate you I need you i want not to exist. Endless circle with no option to get out. Dont fall in love. Dont give your energy or life to anyone. Joy love compassion confusion jealousy anger hate fear misery. Where are you. I need you here with me. Trying living no reason no care. Torn wavering life to death. No hope. No meaning. Inanimate. If it won't happen, let me not waken tomorrow. My existence never have existed. No though no memory no form no expetience
 nothing. My mind.
 
Sorry you feel this way. Loneliness is tough and there are times we feel lonely but it is important to not let it be a regular everyday thing. Are you involved in any community groups? I would suggest you to try to get involved in some healthy groups where you have opportunities to develop healthy friendships, a local Y, a church group etc. will be some good options.
 
Your message means nothing. Community church all bullshit. Do you think you left me with a god with caring for. You were never worth knowing. Never worth caring for. Never worth being with. That's how you left me.thats what your silence said.
 
You're feeling rejected by the forum, it would seem. Whatever you do, don't give in to the desire to end the misery. Please find a way to find solitude. My words are empty and meaningless, even if they are given with good intention. I just hate to see another suffer when I've been down that road.
 
san_te said:
Your message means nothing. Community church all bullshit. Do you think you left me with a god with caring for. You were never worth knowing. Never worth caring for. Never worth being with. That's how you left me.thats what your silence said.

I am sorry I have to disagree.  I will not be silent because I do care about you and want to see you open up and make other friends that can help you with your situation.  There are people who genuinely care and if you shut them off it will be only hurt more.  Do not give up.
 
Manipulators of life. Festering disease in my mind. Better to be dead than have ever known any of you.
 
san_te said:
Manipulators of life. Festering disease in my mind. Better to be dead than have ever known any of you.

If that is as you wish it, then there is nothing left to say or to be done. We can do no more here. If you need an outlet to express your pain, use The Diary. Using the forum which inevitably brings potential support which you in turn reject is of no use or good to anybody, let alone yourself.
 
I get that feeling to an extent. Though it's become more of an indifference. An apathy. Both death and continuing to live are about as equally appealing to me. Living gets a slight edge though because based on my conclusions about life, one of which is that I don't see how this life could ever be enough for me, this is the only life I get. I see no reason to assume that there is anything more. So I think about what I may miss out on. Which is irrelevant to anyone but me because as far as I can tell, in any "grand scheme" sort of sense, nothing actually matters. It's both freeing and depressing. I've accepted and embraced this and now I'm trying to learn to deal with these conclusions. Which is probably the hardest part.
 
Your ******* assumptions. You we never here to know. Your experiences only ever based on words of others.
 
The cat dies if the box isn't opened. You don't have to look inside to know that.
 
san_te said:
The cat dies if the box isn't opened. You don't have to look inside to know that.

Not according to Schrödinger, though.

"Many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own points of view", besides being spoken by an old serious actor who thought he was playing in a real cheesy and amateurish kind of stupid movie, holds a lot of sense. If you think the cat is dead, why open the box? But what if there isn't even a cat in the box? Our own nature pushes us to know, often, sometimes, despite ourselves. What we find in it is never really as important as actually opening the box.
Many live to live or have lost faith in life. Honestly there isn't much worth living for. But that's unimportant. All of it is unimportant. What does matter...is you. If you're not there for you, no one else will be and succeeding in one's goal despite all of that is what makes it worthwhile at the end of the day.
You don't need to buy any of my bull. But keep it in mind. If nothing else it'll make Schrödinger's ghost smile.
 
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