Why are guy friends usually so disloyal?

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Zook

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Every relationship I've ever been in I usually end up envying my girlfriend for having such loyal girl friends who stick by them, always keep in contact and always want to hang out.

As a straight male, I don't think I've ever had a friend like that. I usually have to beg my friends to hang out or do stuff.

Even guys I meet on sites like this never want to keep in contact.

Any other guys have similar experiences?
 
LOL Well, I think you're generalising there.
Regardless, I have one guy friend that's exactly that. Been best friends since high school. I can go 2 years without calling him and vice versa, but when we get together, it's like 15 minutes have passed. We feel comfortable around each other. I don't think that has specifically to do with "guys" or "girls", but more with whom you chose. Proximity and close friendships form over extended periods of time and being willing to be there for someone as much as they would be for you. Doesn't happen overnight.
So I understand your frustration, I have other guy friends, but not on such a close basis. I don't think it has to do with them being "guys" though, it has to do with personality instead.
 
My guy friends aren't disloyal. That's not a guy thing, so perhaps the generalizing should stop. It's more of an individual thing. Perhaps the person never planned to be loyal to you in the first place. Having to beg can be a sign that this person will never care to be around you, and maybe looking for a friend in a person like that isn't such a good thing.
 
Hi there. I understand how frustrating that must feel. When I had a relationship years back I experienced the same thing with gal friend of mine. So it's not a gender thing like what others have said before me. It is more of a character issue. Honestly, i'm not sure what goes through someone else's mind. Perhaps they might just want to give us space who knows? In  the meantime, try to find something you can do like hobby on your own perhaps reading, drawing that sort of thing.
 
Women tend to maintain a strong social safety net around them. Men don't. Generally speaking. This is why men are often more devastated and screwed when divorce happens. The women will have a group of well-tended friends to comfort, advise, shelter, and otherwise support them. The men will have alcohol and rage.
 
bleed_the_freak said:
Women tend to maintain a strong social safety net around them. Men don't. Generally speaking. This is why men are often more devastated and screwed when divorce happens. The women will have a group of well-tended friends to comfort, advise, shelter, and otherwise support them. The men will have alcohol and rage.

Quite a judgemental statement. You'll often find that women are the ones who destroy each other, while men tend not to focus so much on jealousy. Again, it's a matter that depends on the individual, rather than being reflective of the group.
 
In a way this is the sad reality we live in today, for all the social media we are becoming less and less social, friends are for doing fun things with, but as soon as there is trouble for one and he/she needs actual support and comfort they disappear, because it's draining and they rather not deal with that.
 
You have disloyal people on both sides of the isle. It's a human thing not a guy thing.
 
MisterLonely said:
In a way this is the sad reality we live in today, for all the social media we are becoming less and less social, friends are for doing fun things with, but as soon as there is trouble for one and he/she needs actual support and comfort they disappear, because it's draining and they rather not deal with that.

So connected...yet never so alone.
Sweet irony, isn't it?
 
Richard_39 said:
MisterLonely said:
In a way this is the sad reality we live in today, for all the social media we are becoming less and less social, friends are for doing fun things with, but as soon as there is trouble for one and he/she needs actual support and comfort they disappear, because it's draining and they rather not deal with that.

So connected...yet never so alone.
Sweet irony, isn't it?

People are too worried about not missing anything online that they forget there's an entire world out there.  There's way too **** much technology.

Before Facebook and Twitter and whatever, you actually had to get off your ass and go out into said world if you wanted anything. You had to wait until after 9PM to call your friends because that's when it was "free." You had to ride your bikes and go find your friends if you wanted to do honeysuckle. honeysuckle was just better back then....more real.
 
Seosa said:
bleed_the_freak said:
Women tend to maintain a strong social safety net around them. Men don't. Generally speaking. This is why men are often more devastated and screwed when divorce happens. The women will have a group of well-tended friends to comfort, advise, shelter, and otherwise support them. The men will have alcohol and rage.

Quite a judgemental statement. You'll often find that women are the ones who destroy each other, while men tend not to focus so much on jealousy. Again, it's a matter that depends on the individual, rather than being reflective of the group.

You call my statement judgmental and then go on to say "women destroy eachother."

Lol. Ok.
 
Seosa said:
bleed_the_freak said:
Women tend to maintain a strong social safety net around them. Men don't. Generally speaking. This is why men are often more devastated and screwed when divorce happens. The women will have a group of well-tended friends to comfort, advise, shelter, and otherwise support them. The men will have alcohol and rage.

Quite a judgemental statement. You'll often find that women are the ones who destroy each other, while men tend not to focus so much on jealousy. Again, it's a matter that depends on the individual, rather than being reflective of the group.

Your post is extremely judgemental as well. How you figured yours wasn't, or that you could call someone's comment out on it, then make a wide generalization yourself, is beyond me. There are many women like myself who don't set out to destroy other females. I don't get why some girls are so catty, but there are plenty of us who aren't.
 
VanillaCreme said:
Seosa said:
bleed_the_freak said:
Women tend to maintain a strong social safety net around them. Men don't. Generally speaking. This is why men are often more devastated and screwed when divorce happens. The women will have a group of well-tended friends to comfort, advise, shelter, and otherwise support them. The men will have alcohol and rage.

Quite a judgemental statement. You'll often find that women are the ones who destroy each other, while men tend not to focus so much on jealousy. Again, it's a matter that depends on the individual, rather than being reflective of the group.

Your post is extremely judgemental as well. How you figured yours wasn't, or that you could call someone's comment out on it, then make a wide generalization yourself, is beyond me. There are many women like myself who don't set out to destroy other females. I don't get why some girls are so catty, but there are plenty of us who aren't.

The cattiness you refer to is exactly what I was referring to. Admittedly my terminology may have been lacking but the point stands that in contrast to bleed's assertion that women have a special bond that men lack, quite often it can be the case that men are at ease with each other and tend not to succumb to jealous tendencies. As other posters have mentioned however, gender assumptions are best avoided in a topic like this.
 
My experience with male friends is that we do not interact on a regular basis at all, but we can always pick up on where we left off. With one of my old school friends I have the tradition of writing the most elaborate birthday wishes incorporating our latest video game adventures. We meet up once or twice a year in our old neighborhood to play games and catch up. My closer online friends are all female and we talk more about all sorts of life stuff, interactions overall being more frequent. That's all anecdotal though. And it's not like I have a preference for one or the other. When I was younger I had exclusively male friends and we always connected through our interests. I wouldn't mind a male online buddy to shoot the honeysuckle and talk about life, as much as I suck at being that sociable guy that draws other people out. But I'm reasonably reliable when people need an ear or a hand.

Now onto the observed generalities...I don't really know. Women seem to bond better between one another, even over their mutual womanhood alone. Men seem to have less of that going on. If there's something, it is tied to some interest, group, activity. That's where my observations overlap with my personal experience. The assertion that women "destroy" each other seems to be a perception issue. If they engage in fights, they happen more often on the social level, not the physical level. That is said "destruction". And when men have a physical altercation with one another, there's actually a chance of them bonding over that.

They say women have a better social network. I don't doubt the spread of said network, but I do doubt the depth sometimes. I think if men manage to bond properly with one another it can last for decades. Even if they don't do the whole regular chit-chatting.
 
Seosa said:
gender assumptions are best avoided in a topic like this.

Hehe, I heard the song play at the same time, the old Elvis tune....
"Caught in a trap...I can't walk out...whohohohohooooouuuu"

I've met groups of catty and uncatty women, bush-style, feminine style-high flying style and no style. Met women who were more men and men who were more women, cattyness included, men who dressed UP as women and vice versa, and yadda yadda....
I always thought gender assumptions are mostly based off of "popular sayings" or knowledge that didn't really have a place. I mean...maybe it would work if there were 30 of us in the world, but at something like 8 billion? Odds are there are men and women on this planet who believe they are secretly Transformers from Mars.....

I think what it's best to reflect on, in the case of OP's experience, is as to what common traits the people he's met in his life he considers to be shallow or disloyal, and avoir people who have similar or exact traits. I find the devil is in the detaisl and it's much easier to make an idea of someone out of his actions instead of his words. Also, you tend to receive what you give; if you act in a trustworthy, friendly manner, odds are it'll be returned.
Just a little thought to mull through, OP.
 
I have maybe one male friend who I consider to be my friend no matter how much time has passed. I do not see this as a gender thing, but a ME thing. It is I who push guy friends away for this reason or that. It is I who find it easier to open up to women rather than men. 

I have a few male acquaintances, but I do not cultivate them as much as my female friends because guys that I know would rather gouge their eyeballs out than reveal anything vulnerable about themselves. To me, being brave enough to discuss your feelings with a non-judgmental friend is the greatest feeling. I have never felt that way about any male friend. 

To me, male friends are for bullshitting about sports, pop culture, cars, and other topics that do not require revealing anything about themselves. But those kind of relationships don't mean much to me. 

Maybe I am too picky. Maybe I should give more guys a chance. But I have lived for quite a while, and I see men following the same kind of stoic, emotionless pattern that makes me divert my attention to my female friends who discuss things that actually matter in my life. Just my tuppence.
 
So there is not much I can say without generalizing things. Really it is in the way that we are conditioned as we grow up. If you go online you will see thousands of little memes and stuff that tell females to stick together because they will likely out live their husband. So females tend to want to cherish those bonds more. Plus in general females are more social than males. Most males are not interested in people but are interested in the things that we do in our lives. So really it is something that goes both ways.

Second, you cannot expect people to feel a certain way. Truth is that some people are just boring, like me for example. I do not leave any kind of impact on the people around me. So while I used to enjoy having people around they were not particularly incentivized to spend time with me because I was not much fun.

Last, there are always going to be outside influences. Most males are going to let their significant other dictate who they can speak to and spend time with. I have seen this several times. I have a friend who back in the day had a key to my apartment and would just show up and randomly spend the night. Then he got a girlfriend and suddenly he stopped hanging out. Now that he is married he needs at least a weeks notice to hang out. He can also cancel hanging out at the drop of the hat even with enough notice if his wife says so.

Sadly sometimes people just get bored or distracted. You cannot let it get to you.
 

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