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I miss the way life was when I was extremely depressed.
#1
I don't miss the constant feeling of complete emptiness, but I do miss... that taste. The realness of crashing on my friends various couches, listening to music with a blunt being passed around, playing XBOX while the ethernet cable stealing internet from his grandparents house trailed through the back door, their little dog jumping up on my lap. Pretending not to hear them argue like a healthy couple determined to keep things working because hearing them argue scared me because of my own relationship failing. Somewhere along the line it went from me trying to find a reason to live to me living and then it went from that to... boring normal life again where I wait for the newest video game release, ponder the dumb shit ten million other people have pondered before me, etc etc.

I miss how music sounded when every word hit me hard. When everything made sense because it was being bounced off of my own internal monologue, trying to find reason and purpose. I can't even remember what my ex's face looks like anymore, even in the rare dream they're involved in, they just sort've have a silhouette.  I don't know why! But it felt so much more real than waking up, going to work, getting home, reading while I take a shit, going to sleep, repeat. I feel more grown up now and in some ways that truly hurts me. I feel like that pseudo mid life crisis was the most alive I'd felt. When I let my emotions out and wasn't afraid to be an asshole when the situation warranted it at times. Now I'm back to "Nah I don't really feel like going" instead of "Fuck yea I wanna go. Let's see what happens."

Iunno. I miss my depression, like I miss my childhood. For the memories I made and the people I no longer get to speak to.
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#2
Thats strange, fro me it is completely torture that causes anhedonia where there is no response or enjoyment to music or anything and there is no way to miss anything about it because it is total torture. Video games and music are impossible in the depression i know, its total dysphoria and anhedonia torture
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#3
I guess that we just like suffering and feeling that the whole world is against us
"The journey never ends"
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#4
It was much like that for me at the time, but its been a couple of years now and I'm even able to smile at my ex and her man and wish them well, despite still harboring feelings that will never go away. It would be difficult to explain to the woman how an addiction can be much more than medical, and I still relapse into that state if I do dare go look them up. However, I try to be strong. Nostalgia of the time is what I speak of.
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#5
sounds like whats called a mixed state
It feels more like the world is against some people now than ever in my view.
ppl are losing both reasoning and empathy/proper sociability since the end of the 90s i would say was this change i perceive, its huge but significant
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