Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
I'm so sick of life
#1
My mom is visiting from out of the country for the next two weeks, and while she's here, she's going to buy me a house. Sounds great, right? Except that I'm not allowed to have anything good happen to me. So instead of being excited at the prospect of living somewhere more affordable and without rent, all I can think about is what bad things will happen to ruin the experience and keep me miserable and depressed in my life. I'll probably have my house get broken into and all of my stuff stolen in the first month, or maybe my mom will die unexpectedly while she's here or something, I don't know. I just know that something will happen to ensure I stay miserable, so why even bother getting excited?

I don't even know how to actually genuinely look forward to something anymore. Being positive and having things looking good for the future just makes me so incredibly uncomfortable. I'm much more comfortable with anxiety and depression than I am with actual happiness. Maybe whatever terrible thing happens will kill me. Then I really won't ever have to worry again. But that would be too lucky.

Fuck this life.
Reply
#2
el Jay: I'm sorry to see anyone in this state of mind. I know it is easy to get trapped in these feelings and become hopeless. If this is how you feel the majority of the time and it has been going on for two weeks or more, I would be concerned that you might be clinically depressed. If that is the case, there is probably not much anyone here can say to give you much relief. However, try to understand that these thoughts in your mind are not reality. Bad and good things happen to everyone, the difference is how you respond to these things.

Your mom must care a great deal about you to come visit and purchase a house. Maybe you could have a conversation with her and explain that what you need most is to seek professional help with these thoughts in your head which are sabotaging you. It sounds like you already realize that no house or other possession will really help much unless you deal with these thoughts.

Best of luck.
Reply
#3
Wow, how wonderful to have your Mom visit! And, she's buying you a house! Very cool, I am happy with you about those things. I know you are afraid of being happy, that it will make things worse, but it won't You go towards what you focus on. If you focus on the rock in the road, you will hit it, but if you focus on where you want to go, you will get there! Keep your mind on good possibilities. I know, it's hard, but like all habits, good ones take work. Speak to your self positive truths to correct the negative feelings or things that have been said to you. You are a treasure, you are worth all the good things this life can bring! You will have a great time with your mom and it will be a wonderful gift she gives you. Let your self be excited! I am excited with you! =)
Keep speaking these things, and it will be so. Yes, there are always a few bumps in the road, but that's normal, don't focus on them. When I am in the same bad mindset you are talking of, I take magnesium and ginseng. they calm my body, mind and soul. They also get rid of those sticky negative thoughts and feelings that get me down. Yes, they really work. There are so many things to help us on this earth. Also, I get outside, breathe deep in creation, touch the earth and look at the stars. That helps me remember the bigness of life and the constant faithfulness of it all. Also I meditate on wise words and stretch myself thru learning, art and groups like meetups, studies and classes. Anxiety is so much more a problem than it used to be, some of spiritual, some of it physical. <3
Reply
#4
I'm sorry to say that I honestly feel the same. I usually just think of the bad when something good happens..
Reply
#5
Yeah, life is just waiting for the other foot to drop.
Reply
#6
(06-29-2018, 08:50 PM)Black Manta Wrote: Yeah, life is just waiting for the other foot to drop.

too bad your not closer to my age of 78.   we could chatt and get to know each other and possibly meet and talk more and then solve  our problems together etc.   slim but its hope isn't it.    best to you
Reply
#7
(10-11-2018, 11:42 PM)jerrygooding Wrote:
(06-29-2018, 08:50 PM)Black Manta Wrote: Yeah, life is just waiting for the other foot to drop.

too bad your not closer to my age of 78.   we could chatt and get to know each other and possibly meet and talk more and then solve  our problems together etc.   slim but its hope isn't it.    best to you

What does age matter?  Just because two people are different ages, doesn't mean they can't get to know each other and help each other.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM Smile

[Image: images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTMvC1dip6fFujofVYQoOU...g15Slkutwg]
Reply
#8
Decided I'd finally respond to people who bothered to post here. I wasn't feeling like opening this thread for a while after posting it.

(06-18-2018, 08:50 PM)Brightside4 Wrote: el Jay: I'm sorry to see anyone in this state of mind. I know it is easy to get trapped in these feelings and become hopeless. If this is how you feel the majority of the time and it has been going on for two weeks or more, I would be concerned that you might be clinically depressed. If that is the case, there is probably not much anyone here can say to give you much relief. However, try to understand that these thoughts in your mind are not reality. Bad and good things happen to everyone, the difference is how you respond to these things.

Your mom must care a great deal about you to come visit and purchase a house. Maybe you could have a conversation with her and explain that what you need most is to seek professional help with these thoughts in your head which are sabotaging you. It sounds like you already realize that no house or other possession will really help much unless you deal with these thoughts.

Best of luck.
She does care a lot about me, but I have plenty of my own issues with her (see another recent topic of mine). And I'm most certainly clinically depressed, on top of anxiety and other similar neuroses, but the professional help I've gotten so far hasn't done much. Doctors (both psychs and my regular physician) don't seem to feel I need any medication beyond my antidepressant (and I'm not even sure what would really help, since some of the stronger stuff like klonopin I really don't want to get involved with), and don't really offer any other help or options to seek help.

So I really don 't know what, if any, help if any kind there is that could possibly help me, and if anyone around me or who I've seen in the past does, they sure haven't told me. I've basically accepted by this point that I'm going to be a depressed, anxious mess the rest of my life. I've given up on finding a relationship as well, and basically just eat like shit and have gained weight in the past year because of it. I'm just done with life in general, despite my mom's best efforts (which are severely lacking in pretty much every way except financial). No one has really helped me much, and no one really cares, and those that do are unable to provide any proper help.

(06-19-2018, 09:11 AM)KimmyO Wrote: Wow, how wonderful to have your Mom visit!  And, she's buying you a house!  Very cool, I am happy with you about those things.  I know you are afraid of being happy, that it will make things worse, but it won't  You go towards what you focus on.  If you focus on the rock in the road, you will hit it, but if you focus on where you want to go, you will get there!  Keep your mind on good possibilities.  I know, it's hard, but like all habits, good ones take work.  Speak to your self positive truths to correct the negative feelings or things that have been said to you.   You are a treasure, you are worth all the good things this life can bring!  You will have a great time with your mom and it will be a wonderful gift she gives you.   Let your self be excited!  I am excited with you!  =)
Keep speaking these things, and it will be so.  Yes, there are always a few bumps in the road, but that's normal, don't focus on them.   When I am in the same bad mindset you are talking of, I take magnesium and ginseng.  they calm my body, mind and soul.  They also get rid of those  sticky negative thoughts and feelings that get me down.  Yes, they really work. There are so  many things to help us on this earth.  Also, I get outside, breathe deep in creation, touch the earth and look at the stars.  That helps me remember the bigness of life and the constant faithfulness of it all. Also I meditate on wise words and stretch myself thru learning, art and groups like meetups, studies and classes.  Anxiety is so much more a problem than it used to be, some of spiritual, some of it physical.  <3

Positive thinking is nice, but it's a pipe dream. If I think positively, it does elevate my mood temporarily, but inevitably something goes wrong and it just fucking trashes my mood for weeks or months, even if it's a minor thing. Positive thinking, for me, is basically asking to be even more depressed and sad. It's a trap. And the idea of any sort of faith to me has become increasingly laughable the longer I live. If there is any sort of god or higher force directing this world, they are either evil and hostile to humanity, or so ridiculously worthless at helping that they aren't even worth believing in.

(06-29-2018, 12:09 PM)SpectraApocalypse Wrote: I'm sorry to say that I honestly feel the same. I usually just think of the bad when something good happens..

It's the only way to live, in my opinion. Trying to be happy and stay positive is absolutely poisonous to someone who doesn't really have many friends or much family support. You get excited about something, only for it to fall apart, and then you're depressed and in a worse place mentally than if you just assumed it wouldn't work in the first place. And it DOES happen, and WILL happen, over and over and over, and no amount of positive thinking and having faith will EVER change that fact.

For people who have friends and supportive family and a relationship and who do at least alright socially, maybe positivity is a good thing. They certainly would have less to worry about in general. But for me, if I tried to stay positive about the future, the past 6 years of my life would have been even more of an unbearable hell than they were, because everything had that's happened would've just brought me down from a happier place to an even darker one than I already live in.
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
Question Tess's life foxy 4 462 10-29-2018, 09:57 PM
Last Post: Jessicat
  I have already lost in life llost 4 438 10-25-2018, 08:09 AM
Last Post: Jessicat
  What are you dreams/goals in life? Rainbows 28 1,343 10-08-2018, 11:53 PM
Last Post: Miriam1966
  is my life over with? TheAnxiousPain 10 706 09-14-2018, 11:37 AM
Last Post: Guzheng
  I failed at life, and as a human being. lilE 6 872 09-10-2018, 11:58 PM
Last Post: Lifeforall
  My parents are sick worthless_loser 4 360 09-09-2018, 08:09 AM
Last Post: worthless_loser
  Can't deal with my life anymore Augusto 10 1,269 07-04-2018, 02:33 AM
Last Post: Unix
  I miss the way life was when I was extremely depressed. Naizo 4 579 06-17-2018, 07:41 AM
Last Post: tone303
  Life is a noose in and of itself. Naizo 18 3,784 06-15-2018, 04:11 AM
Last Post: tone303
  Feel like my life is over lilE 10 1,666 04-07-2018, 03:27 PM
Last Post: M_also_lonely

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)