Strong feelings for a girl i train with

Every girl is different, callie, remember that.

Yet you and Ardour seem to know every single thing about every single one of them....

ardour said:

He didn't follow the script exactly how she wanted, so she lost interest. Then he shows interest (too late), and since she is no longer interested, this is perceived as creepy, so she reacts with contempt.

Always up to men to initiate and risk rejection: at the right time and in the perfect way. He got it wrong and is harshly judged for it.  Par for the course.

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Although, I have to wonder if there was a script to follow in the first place. It's entirely possible that she was never really interested in the first place, and she's just one of those super bubbly girls that are just flirtatious towards everyone. There's no real way of telling. But get it wrong, and watch all the bubbles pop right before your eyes. 

But no. You're right. We're supposed to be MEN. Men harden the fresia up, and just blindly take those chances with reckless abandon. They fail, they harden the fresia up, and get over it. Or, they don't take those chances, but they at least harden the fresia up, and shut the fresia up. 

Either you're a creep or a coward. But, if given a choice between the two, I'll take cowardice any day of the week. At least cowards can exhibit some self-awareness.

Red_Wedding_Casualty said:

TheRealCallie said:

One side, I might add, that EXPECTED to be rejected, so really, it's a NEGATIVE accounting of the story, so chances are high that it's not exactly as he thinks it was.  

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Most us here can empathize with the dude. Like he said: It's been about 5 years since he's either been in a relationship, or tried to ask a girl out. Either way, their would have been a tonne of anxiety riding on his back. Most of us losers here know what that feels like. And, those of us that lack your willpower can't just switch that honeysuckle off. Sure, we don't know exactly what happened and how, but props to him for at least summoning up what little courage he had to try and test the waters, knowing that it would be received poorly(OP's braver than me at least). And lo and behold, the scenario played out exactly as he feared.

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Empathy doesn't make an accounting fact though.  I'm not sitting here saying he hasn't struggled.  I'm saying that you can't go into something thinking you are going to fail or get rejected.  Psych yourself up before you do it.  Think positively before you do it.  Don't just go up to a girl (or hell, don't approach ANYTHING) thinking you are going to fail.  It will rarely work out because you are setting yourself up for failure. 
You can NOT know how things will turn out, because you can't think for other people.  Yes, he was brace and I commend him for that, but, IMO, he should have been straight forward with her and he should not have went into it thinking he was going to get rejected.  It's not easy to turn that off, but nothing good in life is easily attained.

Optimism wouldn't have changed the outcome.

kamya said:

Optimism wouldn't have changed the outcome.

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I think the idea of staying positive is changing the outlook on the outcome. Not the outcome itself. But that being said, you pour your heart into trying to ask a girl out, and her response is to look you up and down like some kind of creep, well....... how would you be able to look at that positively?

Red_Wedding_Casualty said:

kamya said:

Optimism wouldn't have changed the outcome.

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I think the idea of staying positive is changing the outlook on the outcome. Not the outcome itself. But that being said, you pour your heart into trying to ask a girl out, and her response is to look you up and down like some kind of creep, well....... how would you be able to look at that positively?

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And basically, this is where that idea dies off. Just a small trace of rational thinking can lead you to understand that perpetual optimism is impossible and that, more controversially so, it has no guarantee of changing the outcome in any context or situation.
"Just being positive" is no more effective than praying.

For what it's worth, I agree with this. God knows I've had enough people tell me that I should just, 'be confident', only for my observations and experiences to reveal the fundamental betrayal of these words.

I think a great deal of us here know to always expect the worst outcome. We've either seen it, experienced it, or both. And we know that when life comes to inevitably stab us in the heart, we'll at least be wearing some armour.

Yeah it’s possible she wasn't interested, or she might have been messing with him, but playfully hitting someone and asking them to come on a ride where they're likely to be alone for long stretches implies a more than friendly interest, considering how cautious women usually are around men. You can't blame him for interpreting it like that anyway.

He “waited too long”, didn’t do the right things at the right time, she got ‘offended’ - without ever considering initiating herself cause that’s mens’ role donchyknow. Judging him now is like a form of revenge. Just my take on it.

Red_Wedding_Casualty said:

Most us here can empathize with the dude. Like he said: It's been about 5 years since he's either been in a relationship, or tried to ask a girl out. Either way, their would have been a tonne of anxiety riding on his back. Most of us losers here know what that feels like. And, those of us that lack your willpower can't just switch that honeysuckle off. Sure, we don't know exactly what happened and how, but props to him for at least summoning up what little courage he had to try and test the waters, knowing that it would be received poorly(OP's braver than me at least). And lo and behold, the scenario played out exactly as he feared.

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Understandable. But he survived. The worst that could have happened was the other party saying no. Whenever I read about situations like this, some people act as though they'll die if they're rejected. Rejection is a part of life. It happens. I'm sure the OP will eventually find someone who will give him the answer he's been looking for. Just because it's not right away, doesn't mean it won't ever happen.

ardour said:

Always up to men to initiate and risk rejection: at the right time and in the perfect way. He got it wrong and is harshly judged for it.  Par for the course.

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Men don't always have to initiate. I mean, if you want something, then of course you go for it. But women do initiate and get rejected as well.

Hey everyone.

Wow lot of new comments since my last visit and some very good ones to.

Im absolutely fine. And i really couldnt give two fçks about what she did to be honest. We still train together as always. As said before im glad she did it as it makes everything a lot easier.

If anything it put me right off her lol and only made me see shes actually really thick as honeysuckle and has never achieved any career or anything else in life. Where as I drive a nice car, own my own property and own my own business. So who the hell some of these women think they are to look at me like im a loser or some kind of creep in life is anyones guess. But i see more of these types of women now cropping up everywhere and their shitty attitudes towards men in general who strive to succeed.


And when i say in a roundabout way. I meant I literally asked her straight but as you would if you were talking to a friend not making it all out obvious. My exact words were. 

Me: You still do your bike riding
Her: no not recently, might get back into it though.
Me: ah right, well im much fitter now, might tag along if that invites still open (I said this smiling and very confidently
...THe END!

So make no mistake that she in no way misinterpreted anything that i said or how I said it. But either way. Im well over it i assure you.

I totally agree with what most of the guys said in here.

I just hope thats the end of it with her, There are more people in the group now so its far easier to avoid her. Still has the cheek to ask me for lifts home though. 

Okay, first, just because you have all that honeysuckle does NOT automatically make you better than them and it does NOT automatically make you not a creep. It doesn't sound like you know a whole lot about her, so don't make judgments based on something stupid like this. Especially when, going by what you said you said, it doesn't sound like she did anything wrong.
YOU likely misinterpreted how she reacted to your invitation to join her. And of course you're going to agree with the guys who are agreeing with you and saying she's a stupid *****.

Honestly, judging from that post, you sound pretty **** arrogant. I'm not saying you are or aren't, I'm saying that's how that post comes off.

TheRealCallie said:

Okay, first, just because you have all that honeysuckle does NOT automatically make you better than them and it does NOT automatically make you not a creep.  It doesn't sound like you know a whole lot about her, so don't make judgments based on something stupid like this.   Especially when, going by what you said you said, it doesn't sound like she did anything wrong.  
YOU likely misinterpreted how she reacted to your invitation to join her.  And of course you're going to agree with the guys who are agreeing with you and saying she's a stupid *****.  

Honestly, judging from that post, you sound pretty **** arrogant.  I'm not saying you are or aren't, I'm saying that's how that post comes off.

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Where did i say she was a stupid *****? Nowhere, she isnt. So dont start putting words into my mouth. There was no need for her to react that way, I certainly would not have done that if it was the other way round. You wasnt there.

And second of all, im not arrogant. I just dont think that gives her the right to look down on me like im some sort of gardenia as if shes superior to me. Ive seen this behaviour so many times its unreal. If thats what people think then they should make it clear to begin with.

TheRealCallie said:

does NOT automatically make you not a creep. 

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Well thanks for your honesty. You're right i must be.
Being a guy and having feelings for someone used to be called being a human being. But nowadays its called being a creep and a weirdo.

pad79 said:

Where did i say she was a stupid *****? Nowhere, she isnt. So dont start putting words into my mouth. There was no need for her to react that way, I certainly would not have done that if it was the other way round. You wasnt there.

And second of all, im not arrogant. I just dont think that gives her the right to look down on me like im some sort of gardenia as if shes superior to me. Ive seen this behaviour so many times its unreal. If thats what people think then they should make it clear to begin with.

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Never said you said she was a stupid *****.  It's called paraphrasing, which is essentially what the guys you are agreeing with are implying. Because anyone who dares reject someone is, of course, a stupid *****.
You aren't arrogant, but you know EXACTLY what her "look" meant?  Somehow I doubt that you did.  You are assuming that she thinks she's better than you and now here you are coming in implying that you are better than her.  Stop assuming, stop judging. You do not know.  You aren't her, so unless you ASK HER, you will never know.  

pad79 said:

TheRealCallie said:

does NOT automatically make you not a creep. 

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Well thanks for your honesty. You're right i must be.
Being a guy and having feelings for someone used to be called being a human being. But nowadays its called being a creep and a weirdo.

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Now who's putting words in whose mouth?   Lots of actual creeps actually have feelings for people.  Having feelings aren't exclusive to people who aren't creeps.  And I never said you WERE a creep, I was pointing out that having nice honeysuckle doesn't mean you can't still be a creep.

Fair enough Callie. I guess you have some valid points. I dont think shes a ***** and i dont hate her in any way at all and i dont think all women are evil or bad. I guess im just trying to think and find ways and faults with her to put me off her as it makes it all easier.

Richard_39 said:

Xpendable said:

Richard_39 said:

pad79 said:

Well. I asked her in a roundabout way. And exactly as expected. She looked me up and down in disgust..... like I was some kind of weirdo and a stalker. (Theres a surprise) I expected absolutely no different answer though so its not something I will lose any sleep over at all!

And then everyone who knows me wonders why ive not been near any women and refuse to interact with most of them for nearly 5 years.

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Hey, dont let that get you down. If thats all the reaction she could muster, its not on you but on her. Decent person could've at least made a show of courtesy and respect while declining and made sure to let you know it doesnt reflect the friendship.
You just make sure to try again and hope to fall on someone who isnt a *********. By the by though, gyms aint the best places in the world for it. I should know lol. Used to be plenty of prissy princesses approached me when I was at the gym, then get all pissy when I turned them down nicely like I owed them worship or something. not worth the bother if they cant react like decent people.

You just make sure not to let it put you off. It aint a general reflection of womankind.

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(French accent) 100 rejections later...

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See, this is why the web pisses me off. I like you Exp, but that comment I wouldve slapped the taste right out of your mouth in a face2face.
You think its horseshit, fine by me. Dont piss me off personally and just say you dont ******* agree, period instead of playing sarcastic smarmy honeysuckle. It doesnt make you look cool, makes you look like a ******* idiot.
Id rather be rejected 10000l timesand it work once or twice, at least I got kids and got laid a couple of times, whens the last time you got banged?

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Just so you know Richard, testosterone filled dominance displays like this don't make you look cool either.... 
(or do they and has everyone been lying to me!)

How was this reaction in any way justified for a simple joking reaction like the one X made I don't know.

(I see I'm late to the thread and everyone kissed and made up, still why can't we all just get along ...)

MisterLonely said:

Richard_39 said:

Xpendable said:

Richard_39 said:

pad79 said:

Well. I asked her in a roundabout way. And exactly as expected. She looked me up and down in disgust..... like I was some kind of weirdo and a stalker. (Theres a surprise) I expected absolutely no different answer though so its not something I will lose any sleep over at all!

And then everyone who knows me wonders why ive not been near any women and refuse to interact with most of them for nearly 5 years.

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Hey, dont let that get you down. If thats all the reaction she could muster, its not on you but on her. Decent person could've at least made a show of courtesy and respect while declining and made sure to let you know it doesnt reflect the friendship.
You just make sure to try again and hope to fall on someone who isnt a *********. By the by though, gyms aint the best places in the world for it. I should know lol. Used to be plenty of prissy princesses approached me when I was at the gym, then get all pissy when I turned them down nicely like I owed them worship or something. not worth the bother if they cant react like decent people.

You just make sure not to let it put you off. It aint a general reflection of womankind.

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(French accent) 100 rejections later...

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See, this is why the web pisses me off. I like you Exp, but that comment I wouldve slapped the taste right out of your mouth in a face2face.
You think its horseshit, fine by me. Dont piss me off personally and just say you dont ******* agree, period instead of playing sarcastic smarmy honeysuckle. It doesnt make you look cool, makes you look like a ******* idiot.
Id rather be rejected 10000l timesand it work once or twice, at least I got kids and got laid a couple of times, whens the last time you got banged?

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Just so you know Richard, testosterone filled dominance displays like this don't make you look cool either.... 
(or do they and has everyone been lying to me!)

How was this reaction in any way justified for a simple joking reaction like the one X made I don't know.

(I see I'm late to the thread and everyone kissed and made up, still why can't we all just get along ...)

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Not interested in looking cool. As well as the first one to say I can be a dick (hence, fitting namesake).
Got nothing against admitting my shortcomings, even if I dont like them. Not a display as much as how I act, for better or worse (yup, it put me in trouble before ;-) ).
Anyway, I'd enjoy not dwelling on my dick moments, I'd much rather kiss and make up. Not X, though. He's a comely man but I'll kiss someone different ;-)

As for topic, might be my own bias at work, but gyn girls wouldnt be my first choice of dates anyway. The ones I've met who arent superficial as hell are far between. I think social setting determines the types of people who gyrate in them and their personalities. Most ppl, save notable exceptionsive met, who frequent gyms are shallow douches, no matter the sex. Id changre locales.

You made me google "comely" and I must say you are mistaken.

Next time realize how little they bring to the table before asking. Then you get to feel all superior and look down on them instead of the other way around.