Infatuated with a new girl I work with.

Context. I'm 23, I've only had 2 dates my whole life and they went nowhere and I've never been intimate with a woman in any way. She's 27, has a boyfriend and I'm certain she's had plenty of experience. 
She got the job 2 months ago and shortly after I asked her out for lunch with me, knowing beforehand she was taken. I knew I'd be rejected but I just wanted to introduce myself and make it known to her that I'm interested should she become availiable. She agreed to go out as friends and since then we've went out nearly 10 times together. Her and I are opposites. She's very outgoing, free spirited and has a wild streak/bad girl vibe. I'm shy, quiet, reserved and haven't so much as ran a red light. Surprisingly she likes me and we get along well. 

One day late in June we went out to lunch for the 4th time and something happened. She asked me questions about my dating life and overall experience, asked me if I was a virgin. I told her I've only had a couple dates and that I am a virgin. She looked at me shocked and said "What am I going to do with you? Am I gonna have to sleep with you?" She asked if I wanted to kiss her. "But I thought you had a boyfriend?", I replied. She just looked at me and told me that you can still kiss someone if they're in a relationship. As aloof as I am even I knew that was bullshit but whatever, she asked if I wanted to kiss her again and I said yes and we made out for like 5 minutes, kissing, biting, tongue, we made out. My first kiss and it was the best day of my life.

A week later we went out again and much to my dismay she had a change of heart. She said she didn't want to do wrong by her guy friend and that she didn't want to lead me on to something that may not happen. She said she'd still go out to lunch with me and that she didn't want us to become strangers as long as things don't get awkward at work. She said she thinks I'm cool as hell and would give me a chance if she was single. We've continued to lunch together since then but she still flirts with me and hugs me often. 

I hate that after all this time I finally find a girl I like who clearly likes me back and would give me a chance but of course she's taken. She's told me how lazy her boyfriend is. He seems very unreliable, often times she has to call his friends just so he'll answer his phone so she can talk to him. I've heard tell that she keeps him on a short leash because he's cheated on her in the past. He's also not much to look at either. I feel like she's with him mainly to have a roof over her head but they live together with his dad, it can't be that great of a living situation. She's told me that she tells him about me and that we go out, so that was awkward. 

Not that I think I'd be the perfect boyfriend. I'm sub-average in looks. I'm not very well off. I live a very boring and unexciting life and I'm a dull, charisma vaccuum. I want a girl like her that's exciting and adventurous, who can break my shell and loosen me up, and in turn maybe I can treat her right and help with her problems. She smokes a lot and lives off energy drinks. She's told me of her drug filled past but now she's over it and recovering. I say to myself I don't care about her faults but its because I've never had a girlfriend and she was my first kiss so I'm hooked on her. 


Deep down I know she's just another phase, another stage in an endless cycle. A new girl will enter my life, I crush on her, ask her out but can't pursue her for this or that reason, I become infatuated and continue crushing in misery until one day she leaves my life and then another girl will show up and repeat. I'm at the point now I'm just waiting on the day she finds a new job and quits and I never see her again. That's my life. This post really has no point, just wanted to get this out.

Sucks that you're going through that.

Your last paragraph is right though.

If she was really interested she would have given you a chance. There are reasons she is still with her boyfriend and not you. 

You are just her entertaining naive little plaything.

Start giving your attention to other women and see how she reacts.

Time will pass. So will this. I'm hoping you have some better luck in the future.

She told her boyfriend about your dates? Sounds like she was using you to get under his skin. Sorry you ran into someone like that, of course she wants to stay friends... She might need you for something else later. You can do better.

So you wanted this to happen knowing she's taken and you are upset at what happened? I wouldn't put all the blame on her, you went into this "friendship" with the intent on stealing her away from this other guy. I'm not surprised how this all turned out at all. Just be hopeful her boyfriend never finds out what happened because you might be on the other end of his fist.

Yeah, sorry, you get no pity or sympathy from me either. You essentially tried to make a girl cheat on her boyfriend. How would you feel if another guy tried that with a girl you were dating?

TheRealCallie said:

Yeah, sorry, you get no pity or sympathy from me either.  You essentially tried to make a girl cheat on her boyfriend.  How would you feel if another guy tried that with a girl you were dating?

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They were going to lunch as friends. She was that initiated taking things further. He didn't try to make her do anything.

kamya said:

TheRealCallie said:

Yeah, sorry, you get no pity or sympathy from me either.  You essentially tried to make a girl cheat on her boyfriend.  How would you feel if another guy tried that with a girl you were dating?

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They were going to lunch as friends. She was that initiated taking things further. He didn't try to make her do anything.

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Really?  Because this tells me otherwise....

Matt L said:

I just wanted to introduce myself and make it known to her that I'm interested should she become availiable.

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Maybe she felt sorry for him, maybe she was testing him to see what his morals were, maybe she's a slut, maybe this, maybe that....you don't know. No one does, but he is not innocent in this.

He is. His only mistake was being unlucky with the type of woman he was interested in. Hopefully he has better luck next time.

lol, yeah, okay. Another stupid ***** terrorizing men. Same old, same old, right?

I wouldn't go THAT far. Just young, careless, and selfish.

Lol this convo is funny. Im sorry the OP has to feel so down, but he was kind of shopping for it. She IS somewhat of a b****, but on the other hand, one should have the hindsight to say " you dump your bf first, then we can make out all you want.".
A relationship, even a budding one, is 50/50. There's blame enough to go around both. Overall a sad situation where it just let the op feeling down and probably caused girl to second guess or have problms in her own relationship just because she didnt have the honesty she shoulda had. Hopefully next time, OP meets a better person.

lol, he's not taken... if a woman is testing waters to see if she should leave her bf for someone else because they need the security blanket, she's the *****. If she's just trying to use someone else to make her bf notice her, she's the *****. If she's feeling sorry for someone that never had a relationship and the first way to "help" that she thinks of is cheating on her boyfriend, she's the *****. He's not the one cheating on someone, that's not on him at all... if you're unreliable enough that if you go to lunch with someone you'll end up cheating on your bf, you're still the ***** and you have issues. 

He was truly asking for the disappointment, but he was doing right by him, she's the one who should be doing right by her bf. 

OP pls don't get your hopes up with this one, even if everything happened the way you'd like and she did leave her bf for you, this doesn't show a good track record and there's nothing to prove that her behavior will change if she's treated differently in a relationship. Cover your own ass next time.

Yea lets hope he's a good man in the future or you could find yourself in a very sticky triangle indeed.Alot of ladies like tonsil tennis and even the quiet ones can develop a wild side just need a little encouragement matey.

Dude thas a long ass context but... hmmm sounds like we got an interesting love story in the making if ya know what i mean, *eyebrows up/down*

Lol just don't get killed by her boyfriend. ha

Just sounds like two people who enjoy attention.

Know when to dip out, though, yeah? If you've got the attitude and ability to get girls to go out with you, find one that isn't taken. Less disappointment when they don't "leave their man." Because they don't ever "leave their man", man. Especially not if they can get from you what they don't get from him, without having to leave him or be with you. No offense but women like security. Hell -I- like security. It's one of the reasons I didn't try to move in with my ex when I had a place at my moms I could stay. It probably put a dampener on my relationship but I didn't have to go crawling back home when it all fell apart did I? I am a man. I respect that not having my own place puts me at a disadvantage, but I'm also the kind of guy that if you can't hang out with my mom then how can you be part of my family? Lol.