Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Leaving web developement and starting life again
#1
Hello everyone,


Here it is already almost Tuesday 3am and the last time i was alseep was Sunday 9am that makes almost 42 hours awake, and i should be sleeping because i'am supposed to wake up at 7am, however i find myself here, writing this since, as weird as it seems, i Don't feel tired at all. Actually i never felt so awake.

My story is Strange and i went throught all sort of weird stories. It begane as far as when i was 4, since it was then that my mother noticed something was not normal with me and asked that i was put into a special school. At the time i was diagnotised with PDD-NOS and child psychosis. I however managed to get out of that and eventually got a bachelor at university in computer sciences, not because i liked the material but because that was what my father wanted me to do. Maybe it is due to my condition but it Always felt hard for me to know who i'am and what i want. At least not before it is all too late. So most of the time i just do what i think will make other people happy, thinking that everything will end up being alright if everyone else is happy. 

Well not to say that since i'am mostly a artistic person that is not at all into technology i always hated my job. Due to that i never could achieve anything in my carrier or obtain a job that was not underpaid. I'am 28 now and never thought that i could say "NO" or "i want to do something else". Of course that was not only about my carrier choices, for exemple i lived in a country i hated for 14 years just for the sake of pleasing other people, but this is another story. 

Last September i met with a girl that was 13 years older than me. In the beggining everything was cool, however in the end many different problems araised (most of them were my fault) and we broke up. She always was spiritual and before the end of our relation she became a christian. I was an atheist but had not problems with that and it had no relation to us Breaking up.


However recently i started beliving in spirituality again, actually i always had alot of questions about anything that has to do with death and the Reason for existence. When i was a kid i used to believe that i was God. Now i kinda got to the understanding that we all have something Divine Inside us. and my worldview is all changing again, actually i'am turning back to my younger self, a teenage turning into an atheist in a act of inner rebelion (of course without telling anybody about it), but hey! Now i'am a 19 year old into a 28 old body!! 

Damn did i told you i didn't slept for almost 2 nights now, i also ate very few those days.. anyway i feel that i'am stronger than ever. If i manage to eat something and get some sleep, i will go to the doctor to tell them about my health issue and maybe will i get a day off. Anyway i plan to go to my psychologist and for the first time to my life say "No" that i want to change my career. I Don't know what i will do but i'am done with web developement and everything having to do with computers. The story with the psychologist is also very complicated.

After that i plan to send the girl a message on WhatsApp, the last time we talked on chat was on March and the last time i saw her was on february i guess. However since we broke up i never knew what i was feeling,.  until recently i realised that i was in love and that i Don't want to be in a relation with anyone else. Anyway it is probably too late.
Reply
#2
(08-07-2018, 11:42 AM)Pennywise Wrote: After that i plan to send the girl a message on WhatsApp, the last time we talked on chat was on March and the last time i saw her was on february i guess. However since we broke up i never knew what i was feeling,.  until recently i realised that i was in love and that i Don't want to be in a relation with anyone else. Anyway it is probably too late.

Feels bad man, well, at least you have meet someone that really sparked you. Still better than a life of apathy
You know, they say that we never stay still. You either go forward or you either go backward
Reply
#3
I hope you got some sleep. Smile

Good for you! It can be a little scary to switch careers, but there is no point in continuing down a path that you don't want to travel just to please some one else. As for the girl, I hope it's not too late. You never know until you try. Smile
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Life's unfair Wolf-01 8 1,138 10-25-2018, 01:42 AM
Last Post: Jessicat
  Anyone have any resources for helping adults with Autism cope and succeed in life? el Jay 6 456 10-02-2018, 03:19 PM
Last Post: el Jay
  Help!!! Life and Dating Issues. Any Advice 🤭 AveryTroubledBoy 5 1,053 03-01-2018, 12:17 PM
Last Post: TheRealCallie
  I don't understand what's going on in my life goodvibes 3 676 01-30-2018, 04:15 AM
Last Post: Richard_39
  Another major failure in life Augusto 8 2,112 06-01-2017, 07:07 AM
Last Post: Augusto
  Do You Find it Difficult to Forgive Yourself for The Wrong You've Done In Life? Komodo 13 3,971 03-03-2017, 09:31 AM
Last Post: TheSkaFish
  Finding the right work/life balance 9006 2 1,440 11-15-2016, 11:18 PM
Last Post: Locke
  The only thing I enjoy in life is playing video games but I dont want to play them. Terry94 6 3,707 08-09-2016, 05:56 PM
Last Post: Wayfarer
  A life without bacon Wise The Articulate 49 13,541 06-18-2016, 03:28 PM
Last Post: Yukongirl
  Musics roll in my life BadgeFTW 6 1,980 03-15-2016, 01:19 PM
Last Post: Hairmonster12

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)