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Is it a crutch or am I depressed and what can I do about it?
#1
I've had a bit of a realization this morning and its not good.I made a comment about another member that I now regret who just can't get off the bed and function and what has yours truly been doing while my partner is away the exact same and I just now feel I need some help or opinions from people that feel the same as me.

I hate saying this because I hear alot of the older members say it at the beginning of posts because I still feel a kid at heart but here goes ....being alot older than alot of the members on here(there I've said it as painful as that was to do) I think I use my partner as a crutch to get through life and when it's taken away I either lapse into a motionless state , flitting between the internet and the TV or just staring out of the window not having any motivation to just get out and do stuff.I'm worried because my father did the exact same thing around about my age just sat in his armchair looking depressed sleeping or listening to music(no internet then) , he did work really hard all his life and could barely put one foot in front of the other after work but at weekends and evenings he would just be there in his armchair for a good three to four years looking depressed.

I'm not sure if I always felt like this because my wife is so strong and apart from some limited social stuff I do occassionally with 'friends' , not mine but other people's ,work and car boots I just do everything she wants to do.However sometimes I think right let's do this and the few occasions I push for it she will take all the organization of it over and we'll do it ,but only if she wants to.I've done all the kids club runs and activity years but I've got my youngest left and I feel so guilty cause can't motivate to get out and do stuff which one of my oldest kids seems to realize and takes over and takes my youngest out doing activities.

There's lots more but can't even motivate to write it but what I'm saying ..Is it wrong to be like this?  What would life be like if I married someone that leans on me?  Is it fair on my other half I know she's very independent has loads of friends but she could have married someone like her father ..free spirit...full on motivated successful all his life.

Does anyone else empathise with me or should I get off my butt..idk seek therapy which have never really done apart from a couple of AA meetings idk just would appreciate some solutions if you have the time thanks or even some views from people that feel this way.Is it depression or just stuck in a rut or have i always been like this any ideas would be great.Am I part of the internet culture which am now addicted too  which I do instead of doing chores round the house which I put off until I've checked the various forums I'm on.

Apologise for rambling thanks for reading.
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#2
It seems to me like you need to explore your own interests a little more, I wouldn't exactly call it getting of your butt, but that is part of it Wink
I wouldn't call your partner a crutch to get through life, I don't know enough about you and your partner to make an assessment like that, but it certainly is a possibility, some people need a crutch, having one doesn't mean it's a bad thing, and some people are crutches, they need someone to hold up and care for.

Is it depression, I don't think it is, but if you continue it could lead to isolation and depression in time, or it might not... that's the funny thing about humans, we are all different and what works for one might not work for another.

We all have that one thing we always wished we did and never had the nerve, energy or finances to do, think of what you never did but always wanted to do, find a way to do it and then follow that way.

Key is to do something for you, and you alone... sounds a little selfish but it's really not at all! Does your partner have her own things she does?! I bet so! If you can't think of anything get a motorcycle, it's great fun Wink
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#3
(08-13-2018, 12:08 AM)MisterLonely Wrote: It seems to me like you need to explore your own interests a little more, I wouldn't exactly call it getting of your butt, but that is part of it Wink
I wouldn't call your partner a crutch to get through life, I don't know enough about you and your partner to make an assessment like that, but it certainly is a possibility, some people need a crutch, having one doesn't mean it's a bad thing, and some people are crutches, they need someone to hold up and care for.

Is it depression, I don't think it is, but if you continue it could lead to isolation and depression in time, or it might not... that's the funny thing about humans, we are all different and what works for one might not work for another.

We all have that one thing we always wished we did and never had the nerve, energy or finances to do, think of what you never did but always wanted to do, find a way to do it and then follow that way.

Key is to do something for you, and you alone... sounds a little selfish but it's really not at all! Does your partner have her own things she does?! I bet so! If you can't think of anything get a motorcycle, it's great fun Wink

Thanks mate..Hope ok to call you that Toungue.I will indeed get my bike fixed think I'm missing it big time.But you're right gonna do stuff for myself ,check out some things I've never done ,paint balling for one.Really appreciate you're reply feel a bit more inspired now. Smile
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#4
Hi Joturbo,

I'm sorry to read of this troubling situation. In my previous marriage, I allowed my wife to assume leadership in everything. It's funny, because at the same time, I wasn't okay with that. Still, I thought she knew what was best because of her education. Many times, I resigned myself because I didn't believe I could measure up. In retrospect, I could have joined the team at the very least. You can too, though I suggest you refamiliarize yourself with your leadership skills. I would also speak to a counselor. If you're experiencing lack of interest in life, fatigue, and withdrawal, it may be time to speak with a professional counselor, a pastor, or mentor. Here is a brief article on leadership, and some misconceptions. https://bit.ly/2vTn8ab I think it will provide a start, but I do highly suggest you speak with someone. There's much to life that you can enjoy, but it will take some steps on your part. In the meantime, I'll say a prayer for you. Smile

Outlook2018
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