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Matt L

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Loneliness and depression has been with me for as long as I can remember. For the past few years I've been feeling like nothing matters and its affecting every aspect of my life. I've kept the same boring retail job for 4 years now because I'm too unmotivated to try something different. I'm too lazy and stupid for college and it'd just be a waste of money. I don't keep track of the money I make. The only reason I plan to move out is to get away from my badgering parents. I don't plan on anything for the future because I know my future, death. I feel like I'm bound to a fate of eternal loneliness and the only escape is death, of which I'm too spineless to commit myself. Its like I'm living a self-fulfilling prophecy. I just don't see the point in anything. I don't bother with trying to make friends because I have to initiate everything and they'd just forget about me. If the 1 in a billion chance happened and a girl was desperate enough to date me it certainly wouldn't last. No matter what I do, where I go or who I meet I always end up at the same point. The rare occasions when something positive happens to me, nothing grows from it and I'm back on the path of isolation.
 
The military is a completely different scene:  you're immediately living, working and eating with people you have lots in common with, and all the major responsibilities are taken care of for you.  You meet women, and have money in your pocket, to boot.  You can travel, go to school (and get a degree!) choose hundreds of fields of employment and support a family.

If you need a sense of purpose, you'll get one right at the start.   If you don't, it won't matter because you'll be too busy to think about such things.  On the other hand, maybe you'll get shot at.  But that can happen in the civilian world, as well.  But in the army, they might pay for a burial.

I'm not a recruiter, but I recognize a number of things in your post that could well be cured by a complete change of lifestyle.  It's something to think about, anyway.  It's a bit like getting off the plane thousands of miles from home:  all of a sudden, everything is different.  And that can be good. :shy:
 
Hey Matt,

Sorry to hear about your difficult time you are going through. Many have gone though the same things and have come out the other side better for it. There may be physiological issues going on. Have you seen a doc or counselor? Also, there could be some deeper issues going on. Consider seeing a pastor or mentor. I've used both and have received benefits and healing from them. Here (https://bit.ly/2PffuyY) is a great little ebook that may be helpful.

Praying for you Matt!
 
You have to take responsibility for finding something that motivates you. Assuming that's your main problem, not depression or crippling anxiety, it can't be anyone else's responsibilty. I'd point out that you don't write as if you're too stupid for college. What friends I have took a lot of one-sided effort (from me) initially, which is frustrating and burdensome, with you on that.
 
Matt L said:
Loneliness and depression has been with me for as long as I can remember. For the past few years I've been feeling like nothing matters and its affecting every aspect of my life. I've kept the same boring retail job for 4 years now because I'm too unmotivated to try something different. I'm too lazy and stupid for college and it'd just be a waste of money. I don't keep track of the money I make. The only reason I plan to move out is to get away from my badgering parents. I don't plan on anything for the future because I know my future, death. I feel like I'm bound to a fate of eternal loneliness and the only escape is death, of which I'm too spineless to commit myself. Its like I'm living a self-fulfilling prophecy. I just don't see the point in anything. I don't bother with trying to make friends because I have to initiate everything and they'd just forget about me. If the 1 in a billion chance happened and a girl was desperate enough to date me it certainly wouldn't last. No matter what I do, where I go or who I meet I always end up at the same point. The rare occasions when something positive happens to me, nothing grows from it and I'm back on the path of isolation.

Any changes will be very gradual and you might never see how much those positive things and your actions added to something big, because you're never looking from further away enough. Plus, it's like you're wearing tinted glasses right now, depression will make everything grey. It's not worth trying to study, it's not worth changing my job, nothing will be fulfilling, my destiny is being alone... etc, that's not a bad perspective, it's the lack of one. Depression won't let you do anything about it because it wants to keep consuming you.

My advice is that your first step is to treat that. Take the most minuscule steps but try to never stop going forward, and in a few years you'll look back and see the big changes.

ardour said:
You have to take responsibility for finding something that motivates you. Assuming that's your main problem, not depression or crippling anxiety, it can't be anyone else's responsibilty.

He said that his problem is depression.
 
If you want to get out of this rut you're in and if it wouldn't be too much of a financial burden take some college classes. Everyone assumes college is going to be like high school and it's not. You need a change of scenery. You'd meet new people. Hell, thinking about it, get a bookbag and sit in on some larger classes. It's not like anyone would know you're not enrolled.
 

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