reddeyesscott
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- Joined
- Aug 16, 2018
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Hey hey , its been a long time since i visited here. I'm really really missing this place , so here i am again ... let's just start with the topic already.
I have a hard time dealing with social anxiety since i was a kid + shyness and insecurity even fear in some situations with bad people , or bad things happening. Well , i grew up and i learned that some of that stuff isn't worth to be fear or to be insecure about.... yet , i still have a lot of things to learn and do to just feel happy and not nerveous. The last few years were crucial , let's say from 2013. I've been in a relationship that ended so sadly for me(im a boy and then i was 15 or 16 if im right) , i was in my FIRST ever serious relationship for that age , or i thought i was. So it ended badly for me mostly , because i got depressed and started trying to get back to her but nothing worked ! - Zero experience , no knowledge no role models or whoever to tell me what to do and what not to! But that's the past so forget it! Then i met 1 person from the Internet from my town who i wanted to get help from. What he did was unthinkable , he helped me partly but he get the girl out of the job(even though he was 9 years older than her.... ) , ok so time passed i went to new school but BEFORE that i was training soccer , in the new school i met so many other people and faces that i didn't knew , 1 girl take my eye before even seen her in person. She just added me on fb! Also , i don't think im ugly or that kind of stuff , no i'm very handsome and even "big guy" , just i have to go to the gym and workout more to get in shape fully!
So let's get to the next point -- > At that time , i didnt knew nobody i tried to make friends even through all this lack of much self confidence , just trying and fighting the feeling of shyness and eventually succeeding. Then it took some time , people liked me but then the sh*t happen - being made fun of , disrespect , bullying and trying to bring me down and look down on me even through i was a soccer player at the time. I guess i had some missing qualities in my personality then... But everyone has flaws no matter who he/she is!
I didn't have much trust in the people at the time , as i was growing i had FEW friends no matter if in real life or online. The only place which i liked it very much to talk and write its in the Internet in fb / skype and CS 1.6 the game which i met many people (not in real life all but few of them...) , i had some girls which took my interest i even played better than before dressed and think better of me and my skills back then. And it helped a lot !
I don't know if it's me or my zodiac but i'm very introverted towards MOST of the people , not very talkative to anyone , just to people i chose to be extroverted towards.
Then i met new bunch of people , moved on to a new class , few failed and not happened relationships , but what i dont have to go in all of them to be cool! Its my choice. Then some things happen . I Started my first job after school , it wasn't as happy and cool as i expected but it was normal. Then i moved to another which i go very much out of the comfort zone and been there for so many time. I even met my girl from there and we are still together today (thank god ) , so at this point somebody is gonna ask me this - If you have her , why are you typing in here and not being happy with her instead? , I have many other things to do not just that.
I have to start working on myself , my knowledge and other stuff.... maybe books for friendships would be useful , conversation charisma or something and more. Wasn't it one of the books from dale carnegie? Which was it? Then , let me take you to the next chapter - i moved to another job , due to i was forced to go to highly paid job which i liked and also changed the enviroment with new people. It was bad at first , but then i met AWESOME and attractive people who helped me and not put me down(guess that's what it's to feel appreciated in a healthy social place , not in toxic one as before...) , At that time , in the 2018 beginning i moved out of my parents and live with her till this very day and im happy , but theres more to improve on.
When i was with my parents i grew up without my father , my parents raised me but unfortunately i wasn't so rich and extroverted type so i had difficulties with money and socializing much , even though i had my chances to become "popular" but i refused it. So i made this decisions right now and from today IM NOT GONNA BE so much introverted and private person with everyone , because i dont want to be alone without friends. Then this goes to what i forgot to mention , the last few years were crucial because i learned so much lessons from friends , girls and events that occured in my life. I started earning money , i got a girlfriend which we both love each other so much , i knew new people who are friendly towards me , but i just dont give them the chance to get to know me so much( a thing i did since i was a kid towards bad people to prevent them hurting me or letting the wrong people into my life.) Many people come in my life , we shared we had fun and i developed close friendship but many also go (if not TOO many ) , some of them i really miss and want back , i tried to reach out to them several times but no effect or very little. I think MOST of my old friends sadly , forgotten me and moved on , they dont want nothing to do with me because i failed them somehow , i dont care about the past so much but for few people i do which were very valuable and true to me. But sometime i ask the question to myself was i valuable to them as they were to me? Why am i pushing people away what in my behavior isnt right so people are turned off someway?
I feel trapped in somekind of bad circle of failed friendships which i completely ruin (i dont know how , i dont try to do bad things to people most of the time , at the moment i got few friends both in real life and online but THATS NOT MUCH and i know i gotta change it and do something to gain new social circle and start all over again! Any comments that are helpful here would be appreciated , hope i might get out of this hard situation and circle today....:serious:
I have a hard time dealing with social anxiety since i was a kid + shyness and insecurity even fear in some situations with bad people , or bad things happening. Well , i grew up and i learned that some of that stuff isn't worth to be fear or to be insecure about.... yet , i still have a lot of things to learn and do to just feel happy and not nerveous. The last few years were crucial , let's say from 2013. I've been in a relationship that ended so sadly for me(im a boy and then i was 15 or 16 if im right) , i was in my FIRST ever serious relationship for that age , or i thought i was. So it ended badly for me mostly , because i got depressed and started trying to get back to her but nothing worked ! - Zero experience , no knowledge no role models or whoever to tell me what to do and what not to! But that's the past so forget it! Then i met 1 person from the Internet from my town who i wanted to get help from. What he did was unthinkable , he helped me partly but he get the girl out of the job(even though he was 9 years older than her.... ) , ok so time passed i went to new school but BEFORE that i was training soccer , in the new school i met so many other people and faces that i didn't knew , 1 girl take my eye before even seen her in person. She just added me on fb! Also , i don't think im ugly or that kind of stuff , no i'm very handsome and even "big guy" , just i have to go to the gym and workout more to get in shape fully!
So let's get to the next point -- > At that time , i didnt knew nobody i tried to make friends even through all this lack of much self confidence , just trying and fighting the feeling of shyness and eventually succeeding. Then it took some time , people liked me but then the sh*t happen - being made fun of , disrespect , bullying and trying to bring me down and look down on me even through i was a soccer player at the time. I guess i had some missing qualities in my personality then... But everyone has flaws no matter who he/she is!
I didn't have much trust in the people at the time , as i was growing i had FEW friends no matter if in real life or online. The only place which i liked it very much to talk and write its in the Internet in fb / skype and CS 1.6 the game which i met many people (not in real life all but few of them...) , i had some girls which took my interest i even played better than before dressed and think better of me and my skills back then. And it helped a lot !
I don't know if it's me or my zodiac but i'm very introverted towards MOST of the people , not very talkative to anyone , just to people i chose to be extroverted towards.
Then i met new bunch of people , moved on to a new class , few failed and not happened relationships , but what i dont have to go in all of them to be cool! Its my choice. Then some things happen . I Started my first job after school , it wasn't as happy and cool as i expected but it was normal. Then i moved to another which i go very much out of the comfort zone and been there for so many time. I even met my girl from there and we are still together today (thank god ) , so at this point somebody is gonna ask me this - If you have her , why are you typing in here and not being happy with her instead? , I have many other things to do not just that.
I have to start working on myself , my knowledge and other stuff.... maybe books for friendships would be useful , conversation charisma or something and more. Wasn't it one of the books from dale carnegie? Which was it? Then , let me take you to the next chapter - i moved to another job , due to i was forced to go to highly paid job which i liked and also changed the enviroment with new people. It was bad at first , but then i met AWESOME and attractive people who helped me and not put me down(guess that's what it's to feel appreciated in a healthy social place , not in toxic one as before...) , At that time , in the 2018 beginning i moved out of my parents and live with her till this very day and im happy , but theres more to improve on.
When i was with my parents i grew up without my father , my parents raised me but unfortunately i wasn't so rich and extroverted type so i had difficulties with money and socializing much , even though i had my chances to become "popular" but i refused it. So i made this decisions right now and from today IM NOT GONNA BE so much introverted and private person with everyone , because i dont want to be alone without friends. Then this goes to what i forgot to mention , the last few years were crucial because i learned so much lessons from friends , girls and events that occured in my life. I started earning money , i got a girlfriend which we both love each other so much , i knew new people who are friendly towards me , but i just dont give them the chance to get to know me so much( a thing i did since i was a kid towards bad people to prevent them hurting me or letting the wrong people into my life.) Many people come in my life , we shared we had fun and i developed close friendship but many also go (if not TOO many ) , some of them i really miss and want back , i tried to reach out to them several times but no effect or very little. I think MOST of my old friends sadly , forgotten me and moved on , they dont want nothing to do with me because i failed them somehow , i dont care about the past so much but for few people i do which were very valuable and true to me. But sometime i ask the question to myself was i valuable to them as they were to me? Why am i pushing people away what in my behavior isnt right so people are turned off someway?
I feel trapped in somekind of bad circle of failed friendships which i completely ruin (i dont know how , i dont try to do bad things to people most of the time , at the moment i got few friends both in real life and online but THATS NOT MUCH and i know i gotta change it and do something to gain new social circle and start all over again! Any comments that are helpful here would be appreciated , hope i might get out of this hard situation and circle today....:serious: