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A1one

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Hello Everyone. I just got into this forum.

Here's the problem.

Yes, I am kinda lonely...
The thing is ; I am actually a friendly person, will help ANYONE and will get out of my way to do so, I am great in school and am not a 'thug' type kid, and I'm simply the guy you 'should' want to hang out with... (I'm nice,fun,lots of hobbies,athletic and more)

But anytime I come up to a kid or girl... anywhere... and I ask "Hello... My name is so and so, and blah blah blah" I get brushed off with garbage like "F*** off." "Hey, but I'm busy." or "I don't know you."... BAM , dropped into a pot with dust... now try to get out.

If I do get brushed off, I don't throw back words, I just simply respect that and leave... so that leaves me... pretty much alone in any social place. I know that it isn't their job to pay attention or even care that I exist: but why would they be such (********)?

I do have 1 friend... an awesome friend whom I see only on weekends because he lives far away (**** IT!), but without him, I get bored... and literally lonely. Before i had some people to talk to, and a great relationship. And it was awesome to feel another soul next to me... But now, all those people left (for some reason), and something happened to my relationship (no I didn't break up with her, something happened and I can't get in contact or see her around)... so that too, ended up in dust.

But here is the funny thing... the friend that I talked about... he's quite the opposite of me. . .in EVERYTHING. And people manage to like him more... not to be a crybaby but that is a thing I've been noticing for a loooong time.

I am baffled... what is wrong. Most certainly it is with me (or is it?) but I don't know what it is.

Please Answer

-A1one
 
I don't know what to tell you but I hope you find what you are looking for here.

Maybe see if there is a Meetup group of people with similar interests that live near you?
 
worthless_loser said:
I don't know what to tell you but I hope you find what you are looking for here.

Maybe see if there is a Meetup group of people with similar interests that live near you?
Click to expand...

Thankyou for your attempt to help. But, I live in North Port FL. The town is pretty new and there isn't much around here (especially given the fact that I live on the outskirts of North Port). So the only way to interact with people and be social (for me) is through my high school. I don't participate in social media (I don't have any), so that makes it harder.

Maybe my fate is to stay alone?
Thats kinda dull. lol
 
I'm not sure what the world is like now with taking initiatives to make friends cos I don't approach people to do that but maybe nowadays people will receive a stranger better if they were met under more casual / meaningful situations? E.g. what was said above with meetup groups, or when you are doing a group activity e.g. sports or runs, maybe people will receive your approach better? I dunno - just something that came to my mind reading your post.

Good luck either way, don't give up.
 
ladyforsaken said:
I'm not sure what the world is like now with taking initiatives to make friends cos I don't approach people to do that but maybe nowadays people will receive a stranger better if they were met under more casual / meaningful situations? E.g. what was said above with meetup groups, or when you are doing a group activity e.g. sports or runs, maybe people will receive your approach better? I dunno - just something that came to my mind reading your post.

Good luck either way, don't give up.

Thankyou for your help. I do run track and do other sports, but even there I am not part of the team... I do try my best. Our team gets a lot of season wins in soccer (I'm goalie) and everyone is OK with each other during a match; but outside the match it is all about 'I don't know you.' Everyone's ignorant.
I would agree with you. People are waiting when someone 'saves them from a car hurling at them' or something like that to happen (risk), and that would make them (supposedly) a friend to the guy that saved them.
Maybe it is just the school/area? I'll see...
Click to expand...
 
Hi,

Good for you for taking the initiative to find friends.  Many people are too afraid to do that. 
It is a challenge to find friends these days. People want friends but often involve themselves in busy schedules instead.
Most friendships I see forming involve a common interest.  It is easier to be friends when you have things to talk about.
I see people joining churches (and small groups), sports leagues, social events, etc in order to find friends. 
Another tip - after you introduce yourself and conversed with them a bit - tell them it was good to meet them.  
Then go talk to someone else.  Give people some space.  
It works when you give people some space.  Often they will come back and talk to you again - it will be natural.
Good luck my friend!
 
Communicating with others is a bit of a psychological artform. In most cases, between people, it is a subtle battle between the egos. Those that percieve the lead generally feel good about the communication. Those that don't, will often try to get the upper hand (again), and so on. Those that are aware of themselves in this regard learn to let go of ego-self, and allow the other to have their say. These people general listen more than they speak.
 
with all the scams and taking advantage of each other going on its not unusual that people usually have their guard up these days about strangers approaching them. School kids are especially less likely to be caring about your feelings and do whatever they think is cool or what they think makes them look tough and good. I commend you for your efforts to approach people and opening yourself up for friends, its not something everyone can do. However i would recommend a different approach. You need to be aware of how people think and react, not just how you think they SHOULD react.

So going up to someone and introducing yourself and just talking about random stuff probably won't work because they will be thinking what does this guy want from me? is he trying to get something? is it because he doesn't have friends? I wonder if there's something wrong with him for him to not have friends, this is such a strange encounter, i better just leave and avoid anything hassle with this guy. It's not exactly like that in their heads but somewhere along those lines i believe.

You have to find a way to talk to people in a more natural way so they won't have their guards up too much. When you look like your trying too hard it comes off as creepy because they don't know why your doing it, what you want and what your real intentions are. So for example after the soccer game you might come up to one of the guy and compliment him on his great defense or his tricky moves or whatever, just don't go overboard, and just ask how long his been playing soccer and stuff, just as an example; of course you could go about it in so many different ways, but the bottom line is to try to make the approach more casual.

I work in retail and have many much experience talking to people, i can just compliment someone on their watch or glasses or hair and see how they react, most react positively and so i go from there and keep talking, but i only talk when i feel like it or in the mood, if i try to force myself to talk and smile it usually doesn't work. Not everyone will react positive and that's ok, you just talk to someone else when you feel like it.

two things i want to get across to you in my message,
1. don't try too hard, you will come off as needy and will repel everyone
2. respect and believe in yourself, don't change who you are but instead strive to become the best version of who you are.

so relax, and have patience, while your feeling alone what you can do is strive to become better like reading books to improve yourself. So many aspect yourself that you can improve like health and fitness, improving your grades, learning new skills, trying different things like different foods, or different sports, or learning sign language.... whatever. While you do this you will become more interesting to the people around you and you will also be distracted from your loneliness at the same time. talk to the people around you when you can, you will make mistakes but strive to learn from them and become better at everything, even socializing.

good luck
 
A1one said:
But anytime I come up to a kid or girl... anywhere... and I ask "Hello... My name is so and so, and blah blah blah" I get brushed off with garbage like "F*** off." "Hey, but I'm busy." or "I don't know you."... BAM , dropped into a pot with dust... now try to get out.

If I do get brushed off, I don't throw back words, I just simply respect that and leave... so that leaves me... pretty much alone in any social place. I know that it isn't their job to pay attention or even care that I exist: but why would they be such (********)?

I do have 1 friend... an awesome friend whom I see only on weekends because he lives far away (**** IT!), but without him, I get bored... and literally lonely. Before i had some people to talk to, and a great relationship. And it was awesome to feel another soul next to me... But now, all those people left (for some reason), and something happened to my relationship (no I didn't break up with her, something happened and I can't get in contact or see her around)... so that too, ended up in dust.

But here is the funny thing... the friend that I talked about... he's quite the opposite of me. . .in EVERYTHING. And people manage to like him more... not to be a crybaby but that is a thing I've been noticing for a loooong time.
Click to expand...

I totally understand where you're coming from. I personally believe in karma and that we are given an infinite amount of lifetimes to master the universal full-quantum "love." I believe as we progress the circumstances don't get better with time, WE get better. (eg we don't get parachuted off to heaven or hell after one lifetime.)

I'm aware my consciousness is very limited (as is every human being), but from my perspective your friend has mastered certain skills in previous lifetimes that you have not. Because your friend doesn't care much if others accept/like him, they can sense this and are more drawn to him because he has self-love and self-respect for himself. I know this is counterintuitive, but I think the lesson for us all is that we must love ourselves first before relying on others to accept us in order to love ourselves. They absolutely can't love us if we don't love ourselves, they borrow our interpretation of ourselves because nobody knows ourselves better than we do. 
This is based on observations I've made made throughout my life. 

The galaxy is LARGE place my friend, with plenty of time. Just make sure your foot is always moving forward. They've been in your shoes too; as hard as it is to believe ( I know because I have trouble believing every person has been where I'm at).

Also, your friend who seems to be liked more, maybe he is very sick and keeps it a secret, maybe he has several hidden secrets he tries to hide, maybe he goes home and drinks until he passes out. The point I'm trying to get it as, you just DON'T know what is going in people's lives. Sure maybe people are more drawn to him, but does that mean he is happy? Not necessarily. I think an inaccurate assumption we make as human beings is that we know someone/their life just based on what we see. But the fact is, we only see a few snapshots of their life and don't know everything that is going on with them. Also, many people try to make their lives lives seem better than it is just to makes others around them jealous/sad. I've only one known one person like this, but still, there are people like that (not saying your friend is like that-just commenting in general that it is something to keep in my mind.) Essentially you can't assess his happiness based on how many people are drawn to him, and you can't conclude that you'd be happy with your life/less lonely in his shoes.
 

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Hi

Doubt that there is something wrong with you (judging by your story), so don’t be too hard on yourself

Do you have thing that you like doing in your free time?
It could help a lot. While there is something that distracts you -it gives you time to not to worry + people who share common interest (while not always become friends) have some time to make small chat. It also helps. Just don’t lock yourself in a room
 
HeTHu4epTa said:
Hi

Doubt that there is something wrong with you (judging by your story), so don’t be too hard on yourself

Do you have thing that you like doing in your free time?
It could help a lot. While there is something that distracts you -it gives you time to not to worry + people who share common interest (while not always become friends) have some time to make small chat. It also helps. Just don’t lock yourself in a room



Hello. I don't think that there is something wrong with me... but who knows...

Infact I do a lot of stuff in my freetime. I work on cars/engines, I bike a lot, I keep a reef-aquarium running, I parkour (if you know what that is) and drawing is another thing I do a lot.

Honestly I never try to lock myself in a room... I always try to be open, but the fact that everyone already has someone to be friends with - makes me an extra - and no one wants extras in a friend group.

Thankyou for your reply :)
Click to expand...

Also this is a quick message to all the people that have posted on my thread.

Thanks a lot for your support... everything has been going a lot better in the past month (well, not friends wise) and I'm overally happy.

Also - I found out why I get such negativity in school/everywhere from people... DRUM ROLL!... I'm Russian. I found out that there is this anti-Russian-semitism thing going on in my high school... and people notice that I have an accent when I talk. They realize that I'm not Hispanic or American, so they ask from where I am (literally the first thing that happens in my conversations) and since I realize that they think that, I can't just simply say that I am Hispanic... or American (because I wasn't born in the US as well)... So my last answer is Slavic...That is when they start sputtering and try to get away as soon as possible.

CASE CLOSED!

Once again, thankyou for all your ideas and help... I decided to stay optimistic and wait when I will move to another community.

P.S. Sorry for not replying to many of you, and for staying out of the thread for a long time... had many things to do.

-Blessings to Everyone! :)
 

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