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I am afraid of being responsible for my life
#1
I have been looking for a way to make money the past few days and the whole time I have had this bad feeling in my stomach.
I am tired all the time and want to lay in bed all day. 

I think I don't want to do anything because I am afraid of getting in trouble like I am a little kid or something.
I am scared that if I manage to get some responsibility I will mess it up, get yelled at and be punished somehow.

It feels so stupid. I want to cry and I have been trying to cry and see if it helps me feel better but I just keep making a weird noise and I do it into a pillow so my parents don't hear me
The only thing that takes this feeling away is wasting time watching stupid videos on YouTube.

I want the feeling to go away but it is the only thing driving me to get off my butt and do something about my problem.
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#2
I think most people are afraid of responsibility at some point. Sometimes, responsibility can even be annoying. But, it's part of being a functioning adult. And chances are, at some point, you will mess up, because no one is perfect and everyone does, but unless it's a BIG mistake or you have a shitty boss, you probably won't get yelled it, maybe just a little lecture.

I suppose, in the end, it's not about whether you are scared or not, because a lot of people are. It's about whether you let that fear stop you from doing what you want so you can get what you want.
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#3
Sorry to hear that you feel like you don't want to try anything new.  Life is about taking small steps and when you feel comfortable,  you can take bigger steps.  It helps to have hobbies and interests that you enjoy. I hope you can come up with some new ideas.
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#4
We are our own worst critics. Just remember that. How can anyone punish you for wanting to self improve? It'd take an ignorant person to yell at you for wanting to better your life.

As for making money, try eBay. Buy low, sell high. It's fun and the more you do it, the better you get at it. You can even make money from things you find in the street. The streets are filled with hidden gems. Do it secretly, so any haters around you can't bring you down with their negativity.
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#5
Can you see a doctor? Have you ever tried anti-depressants?

You can't avoid responsibility. We are "condemned to choose". Lying around in bed and watching You Tube is a choice you're making and you are responsible for making. Take little steps. Just send out some resumes. It will help.
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#6
(08-22-2018, 12:08 PM)worthless_loser Wrote: ...I want the feeling to go away but it is the only thing driving me to get off my butt and do something about my problem.
Bravo.

The only way to deal with one's fears is to face them. Most unfounded fears are just that, unfounded.

To take on responsibility takes practice. Facing your own fears IS what being responsible is about. The more you practice facing your fears the easier it gets to be responsible for yourself. 

Start facing the least fearful fears first. The bigger ones will start to get whittled down with every minor fear faced. As you gain self responsibility, other responsibilities become less threatening.
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#7
I know the feeling, though need is what drives me. I have a household and pets that I'm responsible for and even though I know I will be criticized and critiqued by my bf for everything I do, I still have to do it. Sometimes I fear that responsibility but I can't neglect myself, the pets and my home. It's hard knowing you'll be degraded for doing your best. I've faced that fear and deal with it by trying to remind myself that I'm a good person and I'm doing things the best I can. But this situation has caused me to have a great fear of the unknown where I just don't have the energy to try too many new things for fear of EVERYONE criticizing me. I can relate to how you're feeling.
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#8
I don't recall what age I was when I realized I was responsible for myself but it hit me like a hammer. There were countless times I questioned my own worth and intelligence. Everything seemed so hard while everyone around me seem to be coping just fine. Then as I aged a bit more I came to realize they were all feeling the same as I was,  it's just that nobody talked about it. I became a single father of 2 at around 28 years old so I really didn't have any choice in the matter.  I had to do i what I had to do because whining about it and feeling  sorry for myself to wasn't gonna feed, clothe or house my kids.
If you don't currently have the responsibilities I did then you're ahead of the game. The others are right, small steps.  They won't get you there as fast as running but you will get where you need to be. Don't be so hard on yourself.
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#9
(08-22-2018, 12:08 PM)worthless_loser Wrote: I have been looking for a way to make money the past few days and the whole time I have had this bad feeling in my stomach.
I am tired all the time and want to lay in bed all day. 

I think I don't want to do anything because I am afraid of getting in trouble like I am a little kid or something.
I am scared that if I manage to get some responsibility I will mess it up, get yelled at and be punished somehow.

It feels so stupid. I want to cry and I have been trying to cry and see if it helps me feel better but I just keep making a weird noise and I do it into a pillow so my parents don't hear me
The only thing that takes this feeling away is wasting time watching stupid videos on YouTube.

I want the feeling to go away but it is the only thing driving me to get off my butt and do something about my problem.

I wonder if you were held to an unreasonably high standard growing up......I have felt the way you have described in your post.....growing up in a tight knit family of high achievers, some of which expected (oblivious to the fact not everyone learns the same way) us kids to excel in school. They would make their disgust and disappointment known to those of us who didn’t get into elite universities. I achieved all the goals I imposed upon myself....against all odds....with undiagnosed (then unknown) ADHD, undiagnosed childhood depression (by product of sexual abuse at age 3), a severe case of extremely sensitive digestive system and an alcoholic parent to top it all off....
Like yourself, I was terrified of every person and their judgement of me and my short coming, afraid and stressed out about failing Calculus, Organic Chemistry and Physics...key subjects of the degree I was stubbornly set on getting. I think at some point I simply choose to survive and plow ahead by all means possible, ignoring and fighting the haters, naysayers and oppressors. I still use my fear as a tool to force my way ahead. Fight all your fears with unapologetic resolve.
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#10
youre not a worthless loser as your username suggest, you may feel worthless now but you still have nothing to lose. If the outcome from trying to be responsible is not perfect, there is no perfection anyway, only improvise. Keep trying even if there is fail, and dont be hard on yourself I think. Even the most bravest person had to be a chicken once LOL Smile  so its okay if youre frightened at first, just do the right thing to do, and then see.
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