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Hi there . As I'm assuming everyone on here suffers the same ills , a disabling affliction called depression . I'm 43 years old and it's something I've had to live with for the majority of those years . Why am I here ? It was only a few years ago that I decided to seek medical advice . I was duly administered meds ,meds which I gave up around 4 months ago . Last week I hit rock bottom . The usual I'm worthless , everyone's better than me etc etc which then leads on to the inevitable feeling of feeling better off dead . I have started taking my meds again and those thoughts have started to subside , though it has left me with unanswered questions , effectively why ? Why do I feel that way without tablets in me ? After millenia of evolution that's the best nature can come up with ? Does not make sense . I do have some theories which I hope to share in due course , but meantime I will continue to read the forum and contribute if I can . Thanks .

Hi there. Depression is something I know all too well too. I've dealt with it for close to 20 years now, though with these last couple of years it has been rock bottom for me. I get those same feelings as you too, it sucks. I wish I could answer why you (or anyone) feels so bad without medications, though it's been the opposite for me as medications just made me feel worse. I know so many people swear that medications are the answer, though I'm the type of person that believes we suffer from depression because there is something we're missing in our lives and whatever that thing may be is the only true cure. I believe that medications are simply numbing us from the problems instead of us facing them, they make us more accepting of what is wrong instead of figuring out what is missing and then trying to find it.

So anyway before I sound like a total mental case, I thought I would stop in and say hello.

Hi and welcome.

bfc1001 said:

Hi there . As I'm assuming everyone on here suffers the same ills , a disabling affliction called depression . I'm 43 years old and it's something I've had to live with for the majority of those years . Why am I here ? It was only a few years ago that I decided to seek medical advice . I was duly administered meds ,meds which I gave up around 4 months ago . Last week I hit rock bottom . The usual I'm worthless , everyone's better than me etc etc which then leads on to the inevitable feeling of feeling better off dead . I have started taking my meds again and those thoughts have started to subside , though it has left me with unanswered questions , effectively why ? Why do I feel that way without tablets in me ? After millenia of evolution that's the best nature can come up with ? Does not make sense . I do have some theories which I hope to share in due course , but meantime I will continue to read the forum and contribute if I can . Thanks .

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I am so sorry you struggle with depression.  I am 48 and have struggled on and off for most of my adult life. It started after my second child was born.  I have learned that each depression episode is worse and when you have more than three in your life you should consider staying on meds for the rest of your life.  I have tried to go off my meds many times. I even went five years with no meds. However, the next depression episode was severe and I was even hospitalized.  It has been explained to me that there is a chemical imbalance in our brains and the medication keeps us stable.  Just like a diabetic needs insulin to stay regulated and healthy; the same goes for those with depression and need the medication to stay stable.  I was considering going off the medication again, but someone said to me, do you really want to go through the darkness again? I decided I am doing well, why should I try to go off.  It keeps me stable and that is what is important.  As you know medication alone does not keep us stable, also keep our thoughts in check is so important.  I pray each day, read encouraging articles, listen to inspiring music and enjoy each day to the fullest.  I will be praying for you.  If the medication helps, then why not stay with what works.  Lots of Hugs!

Appreciate the kind words . I think you may be correct , by quitting my med's I'm not really achieving anything . I guess I was a little curious to see how I'd feel without them and now I know . I would say depression does run in my family . My sister did take her own life (26 years ago ) so you might be right , some chemical is not being produced which creates the depression .
I would just like to add , anyone out there thinking of taking their own life , don't . Having being on the receiving end of such an act it nearly destroyed me and I'm sure if my sister could have seen the consequences she would have refrained .

Welcome to the forum! I think a number of people can relate (including myself) as I am on mess to keep my depression cycles in check. Sometimes depression is caused by not knowing how to work through thing on your own and sometimes it a chemical imbalance that needs to be corrected

Welcome bfc1001. Hope you will find what you are looking for.

IMHO. As mentioned above, it is advised to stay with the prescribed dosage of antidepressant. However, there may be a way to get around this to a lesser degree, or completely.

First of all, remain on your current antidepressant dosage.
Talk to your physician about the following plan. . .
1/ Learn how to cope, psychologically, with things that do not go your way.
2/ Learn how to cope/accept all the things that have not gone your way in the past.
3/ Whenever something that comes up that causes you to feel a bit depressed (let down, lowered self-esteem, etc) put what you have learnt into practice.
4/ Practice for 3-4 months overcoming these depressing situations on your own (but still on your subscribed dosage).
5/ If you feel that you have some control of overcoming these episodes, go and talk to your physician again. Tell what you have been doing, and ask to have your dosage dropped a little bit to see how you will cope with it, and still applying your new strategies of self-help coping skills.
6/ If all goes well, or improves, for the next 3-4 months, revisit physician to get dosge dropped a little bit more.

Small steps work best.

I know some people who have completely gone off their medication after a year of supervised reductions. Some have not, and some are okay on a smaller dosage.

Remember, always speak to your physician first before doing anything different to your medication. (even drinking alcohol can effect your meds).

bfc1001 said:

Appreciate the kind words . I think you may be correct , by quitting my med's I'm not really achieving anything . I guess I was a little curious to see how I'd feel without them and now I know . I would say depression does run in my family . My sister did take her own life (26 years ago ) so you might be right , some chemical is not being produced which creates the depression .
I would just like to add , anyone out there thinking of taking their own life , don't . Having being on the receiving end of such an act it nearly destroyed me and I'm sure if my sister could have seen the consequences she would have refrained .

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 I am so sorry to hear about your sister. We just recently had a friend take his life.  It is so hard to lose someone you love that way.  It is so sad that their minds are so confused, that they don't see any hope.  There is always hope, you just need to get the right help, through medication, counseling, learning your triggers, pray and support from friends and family.  I will continue to pray for you.  God Bless!