I don't belong to anywhere

Hello... I don't know what to write and maybe this topic also goes under "depression" .

I feel so unwanted and invisible wherever I am or go. Like people don't hear me or even see me. I suffer from terrible shyness and social anxiety, maybe that's why? I'm always afraid what people might think of me. Probably they don't think anything but I'm building all these scenarios in my mind. I've tried so many years to make new friends. There's never anything long-lasting. :/ People come and go in life, I know. It's normal but never finding "my people" or "my tribe" so to speak. It's partly my own fault of course because of shyness I can't really be myself and be open. Depression also has a huge factor.

I'm so lonely like it's almost killing me inside and I can only blame myself for it. I try but it's never enough. I always thought that I've finally found someone a great friend to build a beautiful friendship with but people just... Leave. It's part of life and it's okay but just makes me so sad and hopeless.

I really want to find the own group of people who I'm great friends with, do silly things and laugh about the funniest and weirdest stuff. People who I can almost call like my family. I want and need to be part of something and feel acknowledged and understood.

Thank you so much if you read all of this!

I read all of it. I'm very responsive to the part about "my people" and "my tribe". I've been living my own version of that unfilled place in life for many years. "Belonging" is as important to peoples' wellbeing as food, drink and shelter.

In the last year or so I've gradually come to accept that I'll probably never have a geographical place where I feel like belong to, or a tribe or even my own family. My few friendships seem to go wrong too. However, for people who are a bit lost like myself and maybe you too, our journey itself may be our destination......not necessarily our journey's final end being the destination, but rather the process of traveling through life, like an endless pilgrimage is our "place" where we belong.

That's probably not the comfort answer you might have been hoping for lonelyfairy but I'm just another seeker for answers that are out of reach....so far.

Don't care so much what some random girl/guy thinks. People have there "important" things and life going and don't see you. Also people are mostly closed in there own shell and won't go of their way to say hello to you or ask you something, sadly it is just that way. Try to overcome you'r anxiety and shyness. I know it is hard, I don't mean remove it completely but lover it's impact that you can speak or ask strangers what you want...

I'm very sorry that you are experiencing such loneliness, and I can completely relate. I live in an area where no one has ever left home, so I am still the "new girl" after seven years. I want to say that I think our culture has sold us a lie that we will find our tribe, and life will be perfect afterwards. That simply is not true. I'm not sure of your age/life stage, so if you can comment on that, my response can be more specific. One thing I do is force myself to attend some social events. I give myself an "out," by saying I can leave by ____ time. I look for one or two people to talk with (I am a pretty big introvert).
I also have become an inviter. I've gotten used to a lot of no's, but believe it or not....there are many people who feel just like you, regardless of what their social media feed may say....and I've gotten a decent number of yes's.
I've also realized that I can't expect a few times together and for some magical "best friend" formula to emerge. That is simple too much pressure on any relationship. Things take time.
I also have found a lot of common ground with people at church. Do you have a church nearby that you might consider attending?

Please write back and let us know how you are doing.

I can relate with every single word you wrote. I never even imagined that there are people experiencing the exact same feelings just like me. I have always been moving from country to country and from city to city, so I never had a place or people I could belong to. This has crushed my confidence and left me with depression and loneliness. Sometimes I feel like a ghost because I don't know how to act around people anymore.

I can't say anything that could make you feel better, but hang in there and try to notice those who really care about you. Sometimes we focus on the wrong people and ignore those who have maybe the same problem that we have and just long for sincere human interaction.

I've been wanting to find "my tribe" as people call it for years. Sometimes I'm not even sure that's a thing for most of us, but you're not the only one.

lonelyfairy said:

Hello... I don't know what to write and maybe this topic also goes under "depression" .

I feel so unwanted and invisible wherever I am or go. Like people don't hear me or even see me. I suffer from terrible shyness and social anxiety, maybe that's why? I'm always afraid what people might think of me. Probably they don't think anything but I'm building all these scenarios in my mind. I've tried so many years to make new friends. There's never anything long-lasting. :/ People come and go in life, I know. It's normal but never finding "my people" or "my tribe" so to speak. It's partly my own fault of course  because of shyness I can't really be myself and be open. Depression also has a huge factor.

I'm so lonely like it's almost killing me inside and I can only blame myself for it. I try but it's never enough. I always thought that I've finally found someone a great friend to build a beautiful friendship with but people just... Leave. It's part of life and it's okay but just makes me so sad and hopeless.

I really want to find the own group of people who I'm great friends with, do silly things and laugh about the funniest and weirdest stuff. People who I can almost call like my family. I want and need to be part of something and feel acknowledged and understood.

Thank you so much if you read all of this!

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I think I also know out of personal experience in life for many, many years, what you are going through and how you must feel.  I want to tell you that in the first place, you should not blame yourself at all for this situation. It is definitely not your fault. It is phenomena of our times, and in most cases, well beyond our control. Trust me, when I tell you this, because I speak out of experience and testing. I do a lot of testing on people, precisely because of that unexplainble loneliness and lack of friends I've gone through all of my life. I can assure you, as far as I have observed, that there are a lot of people with heavy problems on their shoulders, of the kind that would be sufficient to cause many to commit suicide. Problems for which anyone definitely needs gestures just like help, friendship, support, understanding and maturity of character, whoever these kind gestures may come from, regardless their skin color, nationality, social status, profession, level of education, faith or political affiliation. No one would tell me, with all the situations I've seen and heard of, that the person involved did not need a sign of support or friendship. They all did. And the person you think the less of and that you see pass you by every day, and who doesn't seem to have problems, does have one.  Yes, it is true that many times our closed attitude may cause others not to approach or even dare ask for help or even try to start a conversation, but it is also not less true that many others are proud, self-sufficent, arrogant, indifferent, careless, self-centered and mean and evil and unempathetic. And many are out there to prey on others, cause pain, make many go depressive, and curse goodhearted person's lives. They are out there to get some and one must be very careful with them! The world is full of evil; no joke!

Don't blame yourself for what's beyond your control. Just try to be respectul of others, empathetic and openhearted. People will definitely notice this! And if doing this doesn't report you friends, then don't suffer for it as it is definitely not your fault, since you' ve been sincere, good, fair, openhearted, empathetic, nice and considerate and no one can blame you of starting problems around, of being arrogant or causing any mishappening. Then you will find out that something is definitely wrong somewhere and it is not you! REMEMBER THIS! For not remembering this, many have gone depressed, afflicting themselves inmensely to the point of even committing suicide. You should not do this! Why? Because you are much needed in a world like this, to make it a better place. There are others right out there, right now asking themselves what's wrong with them that no one shows them a bit of friendship or some interest in getting to know them.  Believe me, this is sooo sad...You ought to know, by now. As you have already noticed, this situation is inmense and it happens to you everywhere yoy go. I know it has happened to me and still does. But I have learned how to defend and protect my self. I want to someday find my spouse and have children, so I need to stay alive and not give up until I can finally make this happen. I'll die knowing that I left my loved ones, that is my descendants, well established and with children of their own ( that is, my grandchildren).
And believe me, I'm doing all that is on my part to achieve this dream. I'm really working hard on it! I'm not planning on letting this loneliness and these predators grab hold of my life! I'm taking action!  If for the rest of the people surrounding me and for those I've known for years there has been somebody else, and they have been able to start family and they have several children, why not for me?  I'm not allowing life to be so unfair with me!  Why would I, when I've never harmed anyone?  If for those who have despised me and treated me like a garbage even though they know I've never misbehaved with nobody or gone beyond the limits with no one, there is someone else and there are children and other good things, why not for me? You see, I don't accept this!  Why would I?  I know I can contribute with good things to a world like this. One of those things are going to be my sons and daughters, that I know will be good, excellent men and women as I will carefully and zealously grow them to be such, just as my mom carefully and zealously grew me up to be a good, excellent man.  In my case I have no excuses to turn evil and rotten, for I was definitely taught right from wrong! For many people go astray in life because of the lack of care and zeal in their upbringing from the side of their parents! No wonder they are as rotten and twisted as they are now. I was one of the lucky and blessed ones whose mother carefully taught him! I KNOW THIS TOO WELL! And that good upbringing has saved me and delivered me from many traps and problems in which others have easily fallen and gotten caught!  Therefore, it is my duty to provide my children with this benefit, so they will enjoy a life full of light, joy, peace and tranquility and help make that light illuminate the surroundings in which they might find themselves! They will definitely thank me for that! Just as I thank my mom!  And do they launch themselves against me sooo furiously day by day for many, many years, now!

The force of evil in this world is real and they are the main cause of the depression and loneliness and suffering of many!  Good people, genuinely good people do not go by harming, ignoring others, being indifferent to their need of love, company, friendship and understanding!  Good persons are never like that! Good persons bring joy, hope, peace, protection, security, warmth, nice gestures, relief and comfort whereever they go. People around them don't feel ignored, despised, humiliated, scorned, ashamed, belittled and trampled under foot by them. No one can say that he or she feels ignored, overlooked or put down when a genuinely good person is there. No one!  Evil ones are the ones who are always trying to make you feel lesser, overlooked, miserable, belittled, ashamed, troubled, intimidated, hopeless, lonely, abandoned by all, sad, depressed, frustrated, truncated, bitter, resented and hating your own life!  It's them!  I well know, for I've been a victim of them for years! And no way to prove to others how they kill me from day to day!

You know, give importance to yourself! Dont't blame yourself!  Don't allow that situation to make you depressed and much less think of or even consider suicide or any other wrongful way out! GIVE IMPORTANCE TO YOURSELF!   SELL THE  BEST POSSIBLE IMAGE OF YOURSELF (both to you and to others)!  BE PROUD OF THE GOOD PERSON YOU  ARE!   BE PROUD OF NOT BEING AN EVILDOER!  I can assure you it definitely feels way better! Be proud to be a force for good in this twisted world.  It is definitely rewarding! You will find out why!

If you need to talk to someone or make a friend, drop me a message in my message box on this page!  I'll be more than glad to make a friend!  I'll keep posting and replying and occasionally starting a thread.

Good luck!

Agreed mate. I find myself isolated from even other lonely people. It's really odd. And sad.

Thank you so much everyone for your replies... I'm so sorry if anyone feels the same. I appreciate every single reply. <3

Society seems tailor made for extroverts. I guess we appear a bit too bland and nice at first glance, like there’s nothing more to be gained through our acquaintance other than passing conversation when there's nobody more interesting/fun/aggressively outgoing around. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to after years of putting ineffort only to find that it's mostly one-sided. I've gotten along with people, had a few friends, but always got the impression that it didn't really mean much to them, that they wouldn't really care if we never spoke again.

It's hard and confusing to know to what extent you can blame yourself as opposed to others' attitudes or simple bad luck. There's too many factors, too many possible explanations.

Saulgoodmanfan said:

Agreed mate. I find myself isolated from even other lonely people. It's really odd. And sad.

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I've noticed this as well. Perhaps its the self-fulfilling prophecy of inevitable alone-ness, so we opt for giving up rather than putting forth real effort in acquaintanceships/friendships. For me, sometimes I know when I'm going to "hit it off" with someone, and when I'm not. Unfortunately, most of the people I like immediately tend to drift away. It really is sad, and frustrating.