I'm almost 70 and alone. Been on my own most of my life; had friends and loved ones die, failed at relationships, had addictions, weight problems, heart operations, being monitored for prostate cancer and experiencing the problems of old age such as arthritis and impaired mobility. I would have loved to have had a family but haven't and I've just one surviving relative. BUT - I won't lie down and I won't give up and I'm not going to waste my remaining years beating myself up over all the bad things that have happened that I cannot change. I have what I have and I am as I am and it's unlikely to change now - so I've accepted that and am getting on with things I enjoy and no longer worrying that I'm not loved, or successful or the life and soul of anybody's party.
I write this because many posts I read here are lists of woes and feelings of inadequacy as if one were somehow cursed by a dark god of doom for which there can never be any answer. Now I have been there so I understand how it is that one becomes obsessed with all those negative feelings of "why me?" and "What is the reason?" until it become self perpetuating. It's very hard, I know and there isn't any easy answer but if you keep on focusing on all the bad things or even using them to "explain" why you feel as you do, then you'll stay in that bad place.
You have to fight; you have to say; "Sod this, I've had enough of feeling like this; I have as much worth as any other person and I'm not going to be diminished, feel small or apologise and feel a failure, constantly anticipating the worst!" I've stared down the well; I've been to hell but when I read posts that just emphasise failure and uselessness and hopelessness; whilst it may help to have others say "Well I feel like that too!" it's not a recipe for improving one's situation. There are many reasons why I've had problems but there isn't a **** thing I can do about all that but most importantly I won't use it as an excuse not to try to improve things.
I stay busy. I've got a lot of interests and surprisingly have started to make new friends this way. Sure it was hard to go out and meet folk but worth it. The world is really quite an interesting place when you stop focussing on your own problems; for one thing you'll find others with worse problems that yourself - a paraplegic in a wheelchair really puts things into perspective. Helping others is a great way to help yourself too and very importantly is being open to being helped yourself and taking the advice of medical practitioners.
It isn't easy; it's damned hard; feeling depressed and hopeless is as much an addiction as anything else. You have to decide you've had enough of feeling as you do and stop looking for reasons to "explain" why you can't move on. You can, with help and you can get out of it. The world will never be what we'd like it to be and deliver the perfect personal solution we feel we deserve. Acceptance is a good beginning - not accepting that you are permanently damaged but accepting that the past is past; you are as good, worthy and valuable as anybody else and you are going to fight to prove it.
I've had some bad knocks but I'm back on the ladder. Might not, probably won't, get to the top but I'm going to have a **** good try and YOU CAN TOO.
I write this because many posts I read here are lists of woes and feelings of inadequacy as if one were somehow cursed by a dark god of doom for which there can never be any answer. Now I have been there so I understand how it is that one becomes obsessed with all those negative feelings of "why me?" and "What is the reason?" until it become self perpetuating. It's very hard, I know and there isn't any easy answer but if you keep on focusing on all the bad things or even using them to "explain" why you feel as you do, then you'll stay in that bad place.
You have to fight; you have to say; "Sod this, I've had enough of feeling like this; I have as much worth as any other person and I'm not going to be diminished, feel small or apologise and feel a failure, constantly anticipating the worst!" I've stared down the well; I've been to hell but when I read posts that just emphasise failure and uselessness and hopelessness; whilst it may help to have others say "Well I feel like that too!" it's not a recipe for improving one's situation. There are many reasons why I've had problems but there isn't a **** thing I can do about all that but most importantly I won't use it as an excuse not to try to improve things.
I stay busy. I've got a lot of interests and surprisingly have started to make new friends this way. Sure it was hard to go out and meet folk but worth it. The world is really quite an interesting place when you stop focussing on your own problems; for one thing you'll find others with worse problems that yourself - a paraplegic in a wheelchair really puts things into perspective. Helping others is a great way to help yourself too and very importantly is being open to being helped yourself and taking the advice of medical practitioners.
It isn't easy; it's damned hard; feeling depressed and hopeless is as much an addiction as anything else. You have to decide you've had enough of feeling as you do and stop looking for reasons to "explain" why you can't move on. You can, with help and you can get out of it. The world will never be what we'd like it to be and deliver the perfect personal solution we feel we deserve. Acceptance is a good beginning - not accepting that you are permanently damaged but accepting that the past is past; you are as good, worthy and valuable as anybody else and you are going to fight to prove it.
I've had some bad knocks but I'm back on the ladder. Might not, probably won't, get to the top but I'm going to have a **** good try and YOU CAN TOO.
