The workplace as a good place to make friends?

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Tealeaf

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This is normally what I hear for the post-college crowd. What are your experiences? 

I work for a company that resells hardware and I only regularly see a couple people every day. When I started I felt a lot of pressure to find personal friends here, and it hasn't really panned out.
 
I made a friend at one of my old workplaces. I didn't care much for him at first when he was new, but after a while we found we were very similar in taste and interests. It took some time until we decided to do something out of work, for me it was a very big step, but we went golfing! We became good friends he and I. Now some 10 years later we both have full time jobs and live further away from eachother, so it's harder to find time to meet, but he's still my one true friend.

Now I mostly work with people who are 12 years younger than me, so I don't expect any friendships to form, but you can still interact and be friendly together at work ^-^
 
Tealeaf said:
This is normally what I hear for the post-college crowd. What are your experiences? 

I work for a company that resells hardware and I only regularly see a couple people every day. When I started I felt a lot of pressure to find personal friends here, and it hasn't really panned out.

It hasn't been a practice of mine to make friends at work. I keep work people in the work "box" - that tends to be a safe way, for me, to keep those relationships viable.   Once you have a problem with one of your "friends" - you still have to work with them.  I've seen where I work occasions where there was a conflict, then there's the "unfriending" of each other, telling other co workers and trying to get people on your  side.   It's weird watching it happen from the sidelines.  I remember a few years back, one female coworker I used to talk to alot, ran into a conflict with another female coworker I also spoke to alot, and share a history with that is a story in itself (non romantic).  I stopped by her office one day and she told me not to trust the other one (with the history), said she's a backstabber and insisted that I not trust her, or MY boss.  This insistence was uncomfortable, and told her I'm sorry that happened between them because up until then, they were close friends.  She pulled me aside a few more times trying to "warn" me, and the last time she followed me down to my office, I bluntly told her that her conflict was her own, and I again was sorry it happened, but it wasn't MY conflict. 

I haven't spoken much to her in the last 3 years because of this.
 
morrowrd said:
Tealeaf said:
This is normally what I hear for the post-college crowd. What are your experiences? 

I work for a company that resells hardware and I only regularly see a couple people every day. When I started I felt a lot of pressure to find personal friends here, and it hasn't really panned out.

It hasn't been a practice of mine to make friends at work. I keep work people in the work "box" - that tends to be a safe way, for me, to keep those relationships viable.   Once you have a problem with one of your "friends" - you still have to work with them.  I've seen where I work occasions where there was a conflict, then there's the "unfriending" of each other, telling other co workers and trying to get people on your  side.   It's weird watching it happen from the sidelines.  I remember a few years back, one female coworker I used to talk to alot, ran into a conflict with another female coworker I also spoke to alot, and share a history with that is a story in itself (non romantic).  I stopped by her office one day and she told me not to trust the other one (with the history), said she's a backstabber and insisted that I not trust her, or MY boss.  This insistence was uncomfortable, and told her I'm sorry that happened between them because up until then, they were close friends.  She pulled me aside a few more times trying to "warn" me, and the last time she followed me down to my office, I bluntly told her that her conflict was her own, and I again was sorry it happened, but it wasn't MY conflict. 

I haven't spoken much to her in the last 3 years because of this.

That's something to worry about, I guess. I'd hope that by the time people are working in full-time jobs drama is something they've grown out of, but that's not always the case.
 
My policy: no

There are no friends at work. There can be "friendly" interactions.

But make no mistake, those people are there to move ahead in the world.

The vast majority of your coworkers will sell you down the river, stab you in the back, pick your pocket, and watch you go broke and homeless if it means saving their own skin or even a promotion.

It is what it is.

My goal is to make sure that my coworkers respect me, or if not, fear me.

Either way.
 
The last job I had was mainly older people - though I still had conversations with them.
 
I don't know, I occassionally still talk with my manager from last year. We're pretty close and whenever he needs someone to talk to, he messages me. Honestly, I miss him.
 
Usually, I worked with unfriendly people and could not make friends. Some of them despised and abused me.

But once I worked with good people and happily met one kind guy who quickly became my friend. I really liked him. We talked much and helped each other. However he has his family and children and has no free time to keep our friendship. I still like him but meet him only once in some months.

In most cases people at work are unfriendly, rough or even agressive. So the workplace is not good to make friends.
 
It is not a good idea, especially if that friendship is work only and doesn't extend beyond that. It's not a permanent thing, they or you, won't always be there. It's not worth investing your time, energy, and getting emotionally attached to co-workers. Plus if you or they end up in a position of authority it could have a negative affect on your friendship.
 
I would say it depends greatly on the level of friendship and the nature of the people involved. As a rule, no, but that doesnt mean very strong friendships cannot form between co-workers. It just needs to be handled in a careful way.
 
It depends upon the pay grade and professionalism of the job, really.
In a highly competitive atmosphere with higher paying jobs, I will avoid trying to make too close of friends because more often times than not there is an ulterior motive.
In a lower income job, like a part-time job you take up on the side just to make ends meet financially, I see no reason not to. I mean, it's not like anybody there is realistically planning on being there for more than a few years. So long as there's still a bar of standard, friendships in lower wage jobs are pretty safe. If you can get into the good side with your managers, it'll make good for references later.
 
God what a sad mindset. No wonder people are depressed if they can't even get to know the people they spend 8 + hours a day around. Not everyone is hyper competitive or paranoid about their interactions with coworkers.
 
I’ve made some good friends over the years whom I first met through work. It depends on the person, of course - you don’t always mesh with co-workers, but I’ve found it’s a good place to meet like-minded people with common interests.
 
Tealeaf said:
This is normally what I hear for the post-college crowd. What are your experiences? 

I work for a company that resells hardware and I only regularly see a couple people every day. When I started I felt a lot of pressure to find personal friends here, and it hasn't really panned out.

Noooo I made this mistake recently with terrible consequences. Especially if you work in a competitive field they will eventually fresia you over.
 
I started a new job working for a family-owned company that recently got bought out by a corporate industry. I have nothing in common with the people that work there whatsoever. I can have interesting deep conversations with a few of them, but that's about it. They don't seem to be interested in getting to know themselves like that though...I'm not too terribly surprised, most people aren't as it's usually a very painful experience at first. It's a field that's slightly out of my familiarity, but slightly in my familiarity. I don't honeysuckle about the product and what it does, but as far as how to do the job that I'm doing, I've got that pretty well down based on my position with previous companies in the industry. Same operation, different product. These guys don't seem that inter-competitive though...that couple be because they're all related. I try to keep my distance, just purely out of my own interest and really only interact with them in passing. They seem to think that's kind of curious though. I've lived in bigger cities in the past, seen my share of highly competitive jobs, these people are all related and have been working together for some time over several years. It's unlikely that I'll be able to garnish any further pay grade advancement lest the corporation that bought them out I suppose does something to elevate the structure but, I doubt that will happen. I'm into a lot of darker stuff, is the thing...things that aren't common in my area, things that I really don't even like talking about in public forms in too specific of detail anymore...That's why I don't really have many friends in the first place, and the ones that I do have I kind of keep at an arm's distance. Horror Vacui is the Latin expression for "fear of empty spaces" often seen as a small selection of types of art with highly intricate detail work. I'm kind of like that, only I'm afraid of shallow, empty thoughts and/or feelings. My mind is, ever-moving, even if in cyclic repetition, I try to keep myself pushing my comfort zones with it to keep myself stable and in the process of that, it leads to social awkwardness and people often times either over-complicating or over-simplifying their comprehension (or attempted comprehension) of the things that I say and/or do at times which can, more times often than not, lead people to being rather indirect and vague with me, as if they're trying to make me give them an answer to a question they have without being able to form the question directly.
 
It really does depend on your workplace. I've worked in mostly toxic nasty environments and most of my bosses have bullied me. I've seen so called friends falling out, witnessed drama and very nasty office politics.

I've made friends at work, but none of these friendships have survived outside of work. So once i've left or they have left the friendships have fizzled out, mainly due to the other person.

however if the environment is good, then i would encourage it as you are exposed to the same people and can slowly build up friendships. As an adult the other options are having a hobby, interest and then joining relevant groups. Its hard!!
 
I do talk to my workmates but I don't really consider them to be friends. In some ways I find it easier to be sociable at work because there isn't any pressure or expectation that we are supposed to have anything in common.
 
Personally, I find it valuable to tend to work and be friendly. I certainly maintain a lot of conversation and a decent amount of respect for my coworkers. And them with me.

But I don't believe in bringing work home with me. So they are certainly not really around me in my personal life, except for if I invite their kids over to play with my kids.
 

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