Cousin's Birthday is today and I didn't go.

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

Timbobway

Member
Joined
Sep 4, 2018
Messages
14
Reaction score
0
Today is my cousin's birthday and I didn't go to the family get together due a reason that has nothing to do with him.  My Aunt and Uncle first didn't invite me personally instead went through my other Aunt to tell my father and I about it.  I told her that I wasn't going to go because her husband has just gotten out of the hospital.  I have ocd and have a fear of contamination but this is known amongst the family.  Anyway, last Thursday my Aunt calls and tells us that her brother (my cousin's father) didn't know I wasn't coming.  She told him why and that was that.  Today I find out that my cousin has a new girlfriend and the she is Jewish.  Now no one has anything against Jews, that is not a problem, but my cousin's mother proceeded to go out of her way to tell people to be courteous not to make any jokes.  I don't know what she meant by that.  What gets me is that she did not care at all about me not coming but goes out of her way for this girl.  I was feeling guilty before by now I no longer care.   I usually force myself to go but I am ok this time by not giving a crap.  I guess it is ok for them to make fun of me for having ocd and not having any friends or a girl friend, but this girl so delicate that everyone has to be warned to not offend her?  It irks me so.  I just needed to vent about this.  My cousin is a very sore subject in my life and he is always catered to while I am always chastised.  Thanks for reading this venting session.
 
I know the feeling of being the outcast in the family.
If it helps, no one in my family tells anyone, someone tells one person and it's expected to get passed along to everyone else. But, aside from that, the new girlfriend is new to the family, so they can't harass her until she gets comfortable with the family. Whereas you, even if you don't like it, are a part of the family so you are expected to deal with the honeysuckle...not that it's right. Have you ever told them you don't appreciate the jokes?
 
TheRealCallie said:
I know the feeling of being the outcast in the family.  
If it helps, no one in my family tells anyone, someone tells one person and it's expected to get passed along to everyone else.  But, aside from that, the new girlfriend is new to the family, so they can't harass her until she gets comfortable with the family.  Whereas you, even if you don't like it, are a part of the family so you are expected to deal with the honeysuckle...not that it's right.  Have you ever told them you don't appreciate the jokes?

Yep and there was an awkward silence afterward then the subject was changed.  The jokes started up again the next time.  When my mother was still alive she would tell them about it and they would do the same thing to her.  The jokes would start again the next time.  It has gotten to the point where  I am now resenting them and I had to vent about it because while my father agrees with me he doesn't say anything to them.  Probably the next time I see them it will be no different.  I just hope that I don't go off on them.  I have done that to my cousin in the past and all it does is make me seem even worse.  Thank you for taking the time to reply.  It means a lot.  If I came across as harsh in that other thread at all I am sorry.
 
Why go over if they are only going to harass you? I get that they are family, but that doesn't necessarily mean you HAVE to continue being around toxic people who make you feel bad. Are they there for you if/when you need them? Do they come to see you or do you always have to go to them?


As for the other thread, no worries, you weren't harsh. I welcome debates on differing opinions. :)
 
TheRealCallie said:
Why go over if they are only going to harass you?  I get that they are family, but that doesn't necessarily mean you HAVE to continue being around toxic people who make you feel bad.  Are they there for you if/when you need them?  Do they come to see you or do you always have to go to them?  


As for the other thread, no worries, you weren't harsh.  I welcome debates on differing opinions. :)

I haven't been going over in the last few months due to it.  The last few times my cousin has tried to invite me over I have turned him down.  He usually does it when his father tells him  or he is board.  I don't really have much a problem with my Uncle even though he will joke around, it is more a problem with my Aunt (his wife) and my cousin (his son).  They act as if they are enlightened or something, its hard to explain.  Highfalutin, maybe?  They can question you until the cows come home, but you do the same them they will shut you down and either walk way or change the subject.  Thinking hard about it I don't really recall them being there for me when I needed them.  The few times my mother had asked them for a favor there was always had an excuse, so she stopped.  I have not asked them for anything after her death.  But they will still call and ask for favors and I tell my dad to not help, but he does anyway.  As far as them coming to visit, they no longer do.  They did for a while after my mom died but after a bit it became out of sight out of mind.  In the off chance they do come over it is unannounced and always at the worst times.  What happens when there is a family get together, unless it is for their birthdays or Christmas eve, they will demand that it is at my house and claim that they can't have it at their house because they have to get ready for school the next day or that their house is a mess, they are college professors and my cousin is a school teacher.  So I refuse and most of the time it gets moved to my other Aunt's house.  When it doesn't my dad and I get strong armed in to having it anyway. 
 

Long story short, I think that I put up with it for so long because of my Uncle. But I have decided that next time I will not go even if I have no ocd excuse.  I will be questioned about it but I really no longer care.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top