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Thought I made an online friend
#1
This is going to sound very pathetic. But perhaps there are others on here who can relate. Basically, I'm a lonely person. I don't really have anyone in my life. So, I met a girl online a few weeks ago, and she filled that void in my life. We talked every day for about 2 weeks and all of a sudden, she broke all contact. I tried to stay in touch, but later found out she got a boyfriend. To be honest, I'm just distraught over the fact that I now have to deal with the misery from loneliness again. 

Any similar experiences that you'd like to share?
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#2
(09-25-2018, 07:24 PM)H-1000 Wrote: This is going to sound very pathetic. But perhaps there are others on here who can relate. Basically, I'm a lonely person. I don't really have anyone in my life. So, I met a girl online a few weeks ago, and she filled that void in my life. We talked every day for about 2 weeks and all of a sudden, she broke all contact. I tried to stay in touch, but later found out she got a boyfriend. To be honest, I'm just distraught over the fact that I now have to deal with the misery from loneliness again. 

Any similar experiences that you'd like to share?

It doesn't sound pathetic to me.  I went through the same thing just over two years ago, only it lasted a year.  I met a girl online also.  We talked everyday whether it was through email or by phone.  She had a few boyfriends over that time but there were always problems and I tried my best to help her through them.  Then one day after not hearing from her for a week she tells me she is engaged.  I was upset at first but I still cared about her and wanted to remain friends.  The only difference was now I refused to always be at her beck and call.  So our time talking became less but we kept in touch.  Eventuality, I went through at rough spell and didn't have time to call her, but I kept in touch via email.  She didn't like that and disappeared one day.  I realized afterwards that she was using me to dump her problems on because when I had problems she was no where to be seen.  I wouldn't be surprised if that girl was doing the same to you.  I hear you once you lose an outlet it is so very hard to go back to the way it was before.
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#3
Online friends can be tricky. It's not just you. I've made a few that I've known for years, but everything from a busy real-life to personality clashes can make it hard. To some people, it's all a screen, so it doesn't matter. Some friendships are temporary to begin with, but not bad.

I also think if you're making opposite-sex friends, you have to be careful because there are people who'll use it as a kind of "substitute" for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Just someone nice of the opposite sex to spend time with online-only. Well, it's clear where the friend goes once they get the real thing...
A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
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#4
(09-26-2018, 10:34 AM)Tealeaf Wrote: I also think if you're making opposite-sex friends, you have to be careful because there are people who'll use it as a kind of "substitute" for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Just someone nice of the opposite sex to spend time with online-only. Well, it's clear where the friend goes once they get the real thing...

It's funny that I feel you're both correct and incorrect at the same time.

Back in 2013, I had literally one real life friend and one online one. No girls in my life whatsoever and I was about to explode from frustration for a number of reasons.
At the time, I was wasting a lot of my time on online dating; and since I didn't opt to use it as a quick meet-up thing like Tinder (as intended), I never had any luck.
It would go like this; actively browse for girls with traits or interests I could have something to talk with, or who might be similar to me to get to know, and hopefully forge a long-term relationship through friendship.
This approach was VERY hit and miss, where if I found any results at all, they were never local and always scattered across the country or even the world.
I met ONE person who stuck with me from nearly a full decade of time on such sites; a girl I met in 2013 all the way in Austria. Of course I messaged her only after reading her profile and realizing I had quite a bit of interest in getting to know her, and could see potential in 'us' too.
By this time too, I had relinquished that I'd have to settle for long distance; women where I live just don't click with me.

Anyway, so we start talking, and while it's frequent, I notice there is a lot of disparity between us. We argue a lot, it gets awkward with me trying to move forward with 'liking' her and her admitting she doesn't feel that way about me, etc.

We almost parted ways within that first year so many times (me at the time, especially was very inexperienced, hasty, easily riled/upset/hurt, etc), yet we didn't; because we could always discuss things. And I'm glad it did, as to this year even, we've remained friends after ironing all that. Platonic ones, that we would talk to at least once ever two days or even daily for years. It's fallen back a lot recently because she's busy, but she is still there and will reply in time.....
I'm glad about that, but reading your post here, I actually agree that, at least for *me*, really the only reason I stuck with her to the level I did back when things were rough was simply because she was a girl.
I knew no girls and just the fact I got to talk with one was more than enough to attempt to salvage. I also recall trying to hope things with her could change in the romantic sense too; so I was hanging on to a lot of other elements.

Honestly, if she was a guy, I literally would've told 'him' to piss off almost immediately.

So while I can't say I was explicitly 'using' her as a makeshift girlfriend, I did at least try to hope that was the case; and fortunately enough, by doing so, I wound up with a pretty great friend, so yeah..... I think this sort of thing happens a lot with men and women, but I don't feel people will use each other to how you're referring, so callously, too often. At least I hope not.

I know when I actually met my first official girlfriend, this friend was one of the first ones to know about her. I get super excited about new updates or good things in my life and immediately share, go on about, etc, with my friends. In fact, I think I actually even tried to introduce her to my girlfriend and even hoped they could be friends, haha. Is that weird? I guess that's a weird dream of mine, to have all my own friends also be friends and have my life all tied up in a neat bow like that. Toungue
I routinely asked for her advice on things too (even before I got a girlfriend, it was nice to have a female viewpoint to a lot of things to round out my own perception), especially when things started to go sour with my gf. She was just another friend to confide in. And I didn't try to rekindle what I know what wouldn't work with her after I lost my gf either, so I think such relationships can work; maybe it just depends specifically on the person themselves.

That's the insight from a guy like me, anyway.
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#5
(09-25-2018, 07:24 PM)H-1000 Wrote: This is going to sound very pathetic. But perhaps there are others on here who can relate. Basically, I'm a lonely person. I don't really have anyone in my life. So, I met a girl online a few weeks ago, and she filled that void in my life. We talked every day for about 2 weeks and all of a sudden, she broke all contact. I tried to stay in touch, but later found out she got a boyfriend. To be honest, I'm just distraught over the fact that I now have to deal with the misery from loneliness again. 

Any similar experiences that you'd like to share?

Yes. And I decided that people who abruptly cut you off that way aren't worth worrying about.
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#6
Sorry. Very hard to find decent people online.
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#7
You're not alone :/
I met a girl online a couple of months back, and gotten pretty close (not romantically) . She was an amazing and sweet person, and I saw a lot of me and my flaws in her, I felt horrible knowing what she was going through, and considering I had no other friends I decided to let her in and actually care about her etc. I helped her with a lot of things, including going through a rough break up from a horrible and manipulative relationship, I was there for her when noone else was, and she did the same to me, always trying to support and cheer me up when my mood was off etc. She was excited and hyped to talk and spend time with me once i was done from work etc, and I was special to her as I cared and helped her more than anyone ever had.
The last month has been pretty rough tho, she starts spending less and less time with me, caring way less than what she used to, and getting upset and moody whenever I have an issue and could use her support.
So I got the horrible feeling that she was (possibly subconsciously) using me for emotional support when she had noone else, and now that I helped her with things, made her happy and shown her how much she's actually worth etc, she doesn't need me anymore. That she thought I was important to her just because of all the affection and care I showed her, and now that she's doing better she doesn't need me etc.
I'd prefer her straight up cutting me out tbh, instead of "keeping me around" and slowly losing her.
Sadly, I'm not strong enough to end things myself
"You must be strong enough to go away from what you didn't deserve, and patient enough to wait for what you do"


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#8
I have no idea where you find nice people online. I can't find anyone to talk to in my day to day, let alone online. Hugs* Hope you all have better experiences in the future
Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance. 
      -Oscar Wilde

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#9
The problem is a bit different for women, I think. There’s usually no shortage of men willing to engage women online. Personally, I’ve been starved for female energy and have been trying to find another woman to engage with on a deeper level, though it has been nearly impossible trying to find women that have the same interests as I do.

I’d found one girl on Facebook, who messaged me out of the blue. She was beautiful, intelligent, and into the same things as I was, and before I could even call it a “friendship” she inexplicably deactivated her account.

In general, the hardest part of meeting people online is actually establishing a meaningful connection. There’s plenty of people to banter with, but more rare is the special “spark” or bond between two people, unless of course you happen to be one of those folks who falls in love with anyone who shows you the slightest bit of attention.
‘The feelings that hurt most, the emotions that sting most, are those that are absurd - The longing for impossible things, precisely because they are impossible; nostalgia for what never was; the desire for what could have been; regret over not being someone else; dissatisfaction with the world’s existence. All these half-tones of the soul’s consciousness create in us a painful landscape, an eternal sunset of what we are.” 

― Fernando Pessoa
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