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Miriam1966

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Hi Everyone,

My name is Miriam. I'm in an abusive relationship, trying to find my way out. I feel so alone. I'm looking for support and friendship. I'm in my fifties...feel as though I'm trapped. But I do have a way out, it's just that it may take another 6 months before I can put my plan into action.

In the mean time, it's kind of like torture pretending all is well to keep the peace. Life only goes around once and I don't want to suffer any more.

Thanks,
Miriam
 
Why the 6 months time limit?

Welcome to the forum
 
Unix said:
Why the 6 months time limit?

Welcome to the forum

Thanks Unix.

It is a legal thing involving a joint lease and not being able to pay 2 rents. Plus I have a lot of pets so I have to wait until the lease is up to be able to move on.
 
Hi Miriam. I’m glad you reached out. I applaud you for recognizing your relationship is abusive and for looking for a way out. Have you considered calling the national domestic violence hotline? They can answer any questions you have about the unhealthy aspects of your relationship and they may know of resources available to you in your area. You are not alone! I will be praying for you daily. Be safe. Hugs! .
 
snflwrgrl said:
Hi Miriam. I’m glad you reached out. I applaud you for recognizing your relationship is abusive and for looking for a way out. Have you considered calling the national domestic violence hotline? They can answer any questions you have about the unhealthy aspects of your relationship and they may know of resources available to you in your area. You are not alone! I will be praying for you daily. Be safe. Hugs! .

Thanks Snflwrgrl, thank you for the prayers. :)

Yes, I did call the hotline a year or so ago. It wasn't very helpful. The one resource they offer is a woman's shelter that doesn't accept pets. Also they recommended therapy, which I can't afford. I think they cater more to women who are physically abused. I live in an area that is a little behind the times. Emotional abuse isn't taken seriously. I'm sure I'd be labeled "hysterical" by these backwards people if ever I opened up about it.
 
Miriam1966 said:
snflwrgrl said:
Hi Miriam. I’m glad you reached out. I applaud you for recognizing your relationship is abusive and for looking for a way out. Have you considered calling the national domestic violence hotline? They can answer any questions you have about the unhealthy aspects of your relationship and they may know of resources available to you in your area. You are not alone! I will be praying for you daily. Be safe. Hugs! .

Thanks Snflwrgrl, thank you for the prayers. :)

Yes, I did call the hotline a year or so ago. It wasn't very helpful. The one resource they offer is a woman's shelter that doesn't accept pets. Also they recommended therapy, which I can't afford. I think they cater more to women who are physically abused. I live in an area that is a little behind the times. Emotional abuse isn't taken seriously. I'm sure I'd be labeled "hysterical" by these backwards people if ever I opened up about it.
I’m really sorry to hear they weren’t very helpful. I have talked with my pastor before and received good counsel free of charge. Do you have anyone like that in your life that you can talk to? My church even helped me get a washer and dryer when mine went out once. I will be praying you have clear direction, you find the support you need and deserve!!, and you have peace with your decisions. Don’t lose hope.
 
snflwrgrl said:
Miriam1966 said:
snflwrgrl said:
Hi Miriam. I’m glad you reached out. I applaud you for recognizing your relationship is abusive and for looking for a way out. Have you considered calling the national domestic violence hotline? They can answer any questions you have about the unhealthy aspects of your relationship and they may know of resources available to you in your area. You are not alone! I will be praying for you daily. Be safe. Hugs! .

Thanks Snflwrgrl, thank you for the prayers. :)

Yes, I did call the hotline a year or so ago. It wasn't very helpful. The one resource they offer is a woman's shelter that doesn't accept pets. Also they recommended therapy, which I can't afford. I think they cater more to women who are physically abused. I live in an area that is a little behind the times. Emotional abuse isn't taken seriously. I'm sure I'd be labeled "hysterical" by these backwards people if ever I opened up about it.
I’m really sorry to hear they weren’t very helpful. I have talked with my pastor before and received good counsel free of charge. Do you have anyone like that in your life that you can talk to? My church even helped me get a washer and dryer when mine went out once. I will be praying you have clear direction, you find the support you need and deserve!!, and you have peace with your decisions. Don’t lose hope.
 You're very sweet and I appreciate it. We do actually have a church a stone's throw away, but I'm not a religious person at all. I don't know the people there and I think that the pastor/priest only goes there one Sunday each month to give a mass because it's kind of a dying town. I'm not going to lose hope for me, I just have to keep believing in myself and knowing that I deserve better and that soon I'll be free of this.
 
Hi Miriam, welcome to the forum!

What kind of emotional abuse you’ve taken in that relationship, if u dont mind shareing?
 
Miriam1966 said:
snflwrgrl said:
Miriam1966 said:
snflwrgrl said:
Hi Miriam. I’m glad you reached out. I applaud you for recognizing your relationship is abusive and for looking for a way out. Have you considered calling the national domestic violence hotline? They can answer any questions you have about the unhealthy aspects of your relationship and they may know of resources available to you in your area. You are not alone! I will be praying for you daily. Be safe. Hugs! .

Thanks Snflwrgrl, thank you for the prayers. :)

Yes, I did call the hotline a year or so ago. It wasn't very helpful. The one resource they offer is a woman's shelter that doesn't accept pets. Also they recommended therapy, which I can't afford. I think they cater more to women who are physically abused. I live in an area that is a little behind the times. Emotional abuse isn't taken seriously. I'm sure I'd be labeled "hysterical" by these backwards people if ever I opened up about it.
I’m really sorry to hear they weren’t very helpful. I have talked with my pastor before and received good counsel free of charge. Do you have anyone like that in your life that you can talk to? My church even helped me get a washer and dryer when mine went out once. I will be praying you have clear direction, you find the support you need and deserve!!, and you have peace with your decisions. Don’t lose hope.
 You're very sweet and I appreciate it. We do actually have a church a stone's throw away, but I'm not a religious person at all. I don't know the people there and I think that the pastor/priest only goes there one Sunday each month to give a mass because it's kind of a dying town. I'm not going to lose hope for me, I just have to keep believing in myself and knowing that I deserve better and that soon I'll be free of this.
I’m glad you are staying so positive. That’s wonderful! You do deserve better. I hope you will consider finding a church once you are in a new town. I couldn’t have gotten through some of the things that have happened to me in my life without it. You’re in my prayers friend. I’m glad you’re on this site now.
 
nemla said:
Hi Miriam, welcome to the forum!

What kind of emotional abuse you’ve taken in that relationship, if u dont mind shareing?

Thanks Nemla, I don't mind sharing, it helps me process it.  The emotional abuse varies from: 

- Gaslighting (him trying to make me believe that I've done or said something that I KNOW I didn't...or him trying to convince me that he didn't do or say something I KNOW he did)...even if I show him concrete examples or physical proof

- Silent treatment as punishment for some unknown crime I've committed

- Blaming me for things I didn't do or say (or think, omg)...or blaming me for things that have gone wrong in his life

- Trying to start fights with me over nothing, trying to push my buttons to get me upset so he can transfer his negative feelings on to me, then blaming me for "starting a fight" with him - which usually results in silent treatment and:

- Verbal abuse - swearing, name-calling, mocking me, using what I've confided with him against me, telling me he hates everything about me

- Twisting my words around to make himself look like a constant victim and make me feel like I have to constantly apologize and defend myself

- Threatening not to pay his share of the rent (trying to instill fear)

- Criticizing, teasing, nitpicking, "analyzing" my mental health, and if I react, he gets angry, calling me "too sensitive" or "hysterical"

- Shirking his responsibilities and then calling me a "nag" when I ask him to do something

- Withholding affection and sex

- Not communicating, responding with one word replies or non-words such as "meh" 

- Not remembering holidays, birthdays or celebrations

I guess that's all I can think of for now.


snflwrgrl said:
I’m glad you are staying so positive. That’s wonderful! You do deserve better. I hope you will consider finding a church once you are in a new town. I couldn’t have gotten through some of the things that have happened to me in my life without it. You’re in my prayers friend. I’m glad you’re on this site now.

Thanks :) Being here has helped me so much already!
 
Just wanted to say hi.
I have been in an abusive relationship before and its pretty much hell.. I hope you find your way out at some point without leaving too much of yourself behind.
Stay strong. All the strengt you need to move on and get a better life for yourself is already inside you. When the time is right, it will show itself!
Love Jessi.
 
I am sorry that you're having to go through this, I have never understood men that abuse the person they're with. I guess like you said he must want to transfer his negativity to you. I am glad you have a plan of escape though, I wish is wasn't such a long time table. I would love to chat with you if you still need someone to listen!
 

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