Miriam1966
Well-known member
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2018
- Messages
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Hi Friends,
Something that happened just now has me feeling unimportant and I guess I just want to vent about it. First I just want to say that last night he perceived something about me that was wrong and when I tried to tell him that, he wouldn't listen. At my age, I'm starting to get really intense hot flashes...we had a shower then I had to dry my hair. He was still in the shower and kept upping the hot water because he was cold. I was over-boiling. He started to talk about his guitar and I cut him off and I said as nicely as I could "darling, I'm boiling hot...I have to get out of this room, I'm sorry." He said okay, but then he was distant with me the entire evening. I tried to ask him, he wouldn't respond so I just said "you know I'm interested in your music, but I was really just too overheated to stay in the bathroom. I'm interested and I'm here, so talk to me about it." He just replied that it wasn't important then pouted all evening.
I feel so stupid talking about this...it's so juvenile.
So this morning, he called me from the bedroom to ask me to make him a coffee. He went to bed at 5am and just woke up (1pm). I don't mind so I made him a coffee and brought it upstairs to the bedroom. He thanked me.
He had his headphones on, attached to his phone, so I asked if he was busy. He just looked at me. I said "because you have your headphones on". He said no.
Then I sat next to him, kissed him and said good morning. He didn't take the headphones out, he just said "morning". Then nothing. I talked about the weather, the dogs...no replies, no volunteering to add to the conversation; and then I asked him if he slept okay. He responded with a "yeah". No other words at all. So we sat in silence. I asked him what was on his mind, he said "nothing." I asked him if he wanted to talk about anything, he said "no."
He can't blame it on just waking up because when he's feeling happy and he isn't being abusive, he's very chatty in the mornings.
It wasn't just his lack of effort to communicate with me, it was that:
- he didn't ask me how I slept
- he didn't ask me how I was doing (he knew I'd been up several times overnight with chest and back pain - it's stress related)
- he didn't ask me how my day was going
- he didn't greet the dogs when they ran up to see him, he barely touched them
- one of our cats came to the bedroom to see him and he completely ignored him.
This kind of thing really bothers me, it's inconsiderate and makes me feel so unimportant. And by the way, I can't remember the last time he brought me coffee in bed. Anyway, I just got up and said "well, I'm going to go back downstairs now okay?" He stared at me for a minute, then nodded. Then he told me he'd be in the bathroom for a long time.
So I got maybe two sentences out of him this morning and a door slamming as he went into the bathroom.
If I were reading this written by someone else, my advice would be to dump the inconsiderate jerk. But I'm sitting here on the verge of tears really feeling unimportant and wondering why. I know I'm a good person, I'm interesting, I have a big heart. Neglected is really how I feel. It's hurtful.
I'm going to try to keep busy today so I don't think about it too much, but my heart is so wounded by this "covert" type of aggression. Anyway...what can I do? I'm stuck here until the spring, at least I now have a place here where I can feel safe to talk about things and not be judged or criticized or abused!
Something that happened just now has me feeling unimportant and I guess I just want to vent about it. First I just want to say that last night he perceived something about me that was wrong and when I tried to tell him that, he wouldn't listen. At my age, I'm starting to get really intense hot flashes...we had a shower then I had to dry my hair. He was still in the shower and kept upping the hot water because he was cold. I was over-boiling. He started to talk about his guitar and I cut him off and I said as nicely as I could "darling, I'm boiling hot...I have to get out of this room, I'm sorry." He said okay, but then he was distant with me the entire evening. I tried to ask him, he wouldn't respond so I just said "you know I'm interested in your music, but I was really just too overheated to stay in the bathroom. I'm interested and I'm here, so talk to me about it." He just replied that it wasn't important then pouted all evening.
I feel so stupid talking about this...it's so juvenile.
So this morning, he called me from the bedroom to ask me to make him a coffee. He went to bed at 5am and just woke up (1pm). I don't mind so I made him a coffee and brought it upstairs to the bedroom. He thanked me.
He had his headphones on, attached to his phone, so I asked if he was busy. He just looked at me. I said "because you have your headphones on". He said no.
Then I sat next to him, kissed him and said good morning. He didn't take the headphones out, he just said "morning". Then nothing. I talked about the weather, the dogs...no replies, no volunteering to add to the conversation; and then I asked him if he slept okay. He responded with a "yeah". No other words at all. So we sat in silence. I asked him what was on his mind, he said "nothing." I asked him if he wanted to talk about anything, he said "no."
He can't blame it on just waking up because when he's feeling happy and he isn't being abusive, he's very chatty in the mornings.
It wasn't just his lack of effort to communicate with me, it was that:
- he didn't ask me how I slept
- he didn't ask me how I was doing (he knew I'd been up several times overnight with chest and back pain - it's stress related)
- he didn't ask me how my day was going
- he didn't greet the dogs when they ran up to see him, he barely touched them
- one of our cats came to the bedroom to see him and he completely ignored him.
This kind of thing really bothers me, it's inconsiderate and makes me feel so unimportant. And by the way, I can't remember the last time he brought me coffee in bed. Anyway, I just got up and said "well, I'm going to go back downstairs now okay?" He stared at me for a minute, then nodded. Then he told me he'd be in the bathroom for a long time.
So I got maybe two sentences out of him this morning and a door slamming as he went into the bathroom.
If I were reading this written by someone else, my advice would be to dump the inconsiderate jerk. But I'm sitting here on the verge of tears really feeling unimportant and wondering why. I know I'm a good person, I'm interesting, I have a big heart. Neglected is really how I feel. It's hurtful.
I'm going to try to keep busy today so I don't think about it too much, but my heart is so wounded by this "covert" type of aggression. Anyway...what can I do? I'm stuck here until the spring, at least I now have a place here where I can feel safe to talk about things and not be judged or criticized or abused!