Thread Rating:
  • 2 Vote(s) - 4.5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Bender's Journal: Part 2
#51
I went out for a quick look at one of the clubs down the road on Friday night. Only stayed for about 10 minutes and talked to one guy while I was there. Last night I had a quick look at the casino down the road. Looked alright, there were a few cute younger girls around but mostly older women.

I'm just not feeling very motivated to go out and meet people here at the moment. It's a lot easier to sit at home and work on business or read a book. Probably not having people to go out with is making it harder to motivate myself to go out too.

My housemate said he'd be keen to go out soon but he's away at the moment. Hopefully I'll feel like going out more when he's able to join me.

Even online dating, I haven't had much motivation to be very active with lately.

I think part of it is the type of girls around here. At least the ones in the bars and clubs. I'm getting the sense that a lot of them are very fake and immature. It's hard for me to get excited about meeting those type of girls, even if they are physically attractive.

I'm still going along to weekly salsa classes and some of the girls there seem pretty nice. Just need to talk to them more.

Hopefully I can find a way to get myself more motivated and make this journal a little more interesting again!
Reply
#52
A few more interesting things to report finally!


I've still been going along to salsa classes each week. The past few weeks I've talked to a really cute French girl there. She looks like my type and seems pretty friendly. Will definitely try to get to know her more.

Tinder Dates
Last Sunday I had a date with a girl from Tinder. Met up with her at a bar just down the road for a drink. The conversation went well. Got onto more sexual and edgy topics pretty quickly.

I'm super in my comfort zone on these type of dates now. They seem to bring out the best in me. I probably sound more confident on a date with a girl, having a drink than I do anywhere else.

After a few drinks, I suggested we go for a walk outside near the beach. We walked for a while then sat down. Things were definitely going in the right direction, she was definitely attracted to me, so I kissed her. 

It started raining pretty heavy and it was getting late so I asked if she could drive me back down the road to my apartment. She drove me back. When we got back to my place I tried to subtly suggest she come in with me by asking if she wanted a towel or hair dryer to dry herself after the rain. She said that was okay and then we kissed before she took off.

When she got home she messaged me asking if I was inviting her up. (I don't think she realised at the time lol...must have been to subtle). She said she would've come up if it wasn't so late.

I got a few more messages from her the next day making it very clear she was into me and wanted to hang out again.
I invited her to come straight over to my apartment on Wednesday night for some drinks, which she agreed to. 

She came over Wednesday night and we had a good time! Wish I'd had my own apartment in a good location years earlier. It's going to make dating so much easier haha.

Friday Night
My housemate was back and keen to go out on Friday night. We went to the nightclub just down the road.

It was much better with someone else to go out with. He called up one of his female friends who was going out too and she was with another girl. So they met up with us at this club too.

When we were lining up for the club, there was a group of girls in front of us asking if we wanted to join them on the VIP list so they could get free drinks. We talked to them for a while but they were really drunk and kind of annoying.

We got inside and met up with my housemate's friend and her other friend. They were both older than me but still attractive. I started talking to the other friend - Katie. I found out a little later that Katie was into me so I kept talking to her more during the night. SHe was pretty flirty, which was cool.

My housemate and I sat at one of the tables and then a group of 3 girls came over. They said they had the table booked for bottle service but we could stay.

We didn't say much to them at first. I spoke a little bit to the girl closest to me but couldn't get much conversation going. 
When their drinks arrived, they offered us a drink. My housemate wasn't drinking but I had one. 

We still hadn't spoken to them much. Then a couple of girls came over to my housemate and I. Firstly, one of them asked my housemate if I was single. He didn't hear what she said. Then she said to him are either of you single, and he said he was. She asked if she could kiss him - it was part of one of those type of games girls do on hens nights where they have a list of challenges to complete.

But that got the other girls at our table talking more. They wanted to know what happened and it opened up the conversation with them.

A little later, the most attractive girl in the group came over and sat in the chair next to me. She was really cute, 20 years old, great body. She offered me another drink. I said yes and thanked her, calling her by name.

She was impressed that I remembered her name from 15 minutes ago and leaned over and kissed me.

The girls we met up with at the start of the night came over to our table and talked to us and the other girls. I think it probably helped a lot having girls with us because other girls could see that we weren't just a couple weird creepy guys on our own.

A bit later the girl who I kissed at our table came over to me again. She asked if I could buy her a drink because they gave me drinks before. 

I walked with her to the bar and said I'd buy her a drink if she made out with me right there. At first she said, 'why do you want to makeout with me? You're a hot guy, you could makeout with plenty of other girls in here.'

I told her I wanted her. She said okay and made out with me Smile 

Although I was happy to makeout with a really gorgeous girl, I was disappointed with myself for not going for more. I thought at the time, I'd just play it cool and then find her later on and talk to her more then. But I should've talked to her more at the bar while she was there with me and got her number instead of hoping something would happen later. 

I went looking for her later in the night but she must have left. Pretty disappointed that I didn't get her number or instagram. 

When I was back at our table, a couple of girls came over to the table and we started talking to them. I told the one I was talking to that I'd been learning salsa dancing and said I could teach her. I showed her some basic salsa steps next to our table. My housemate told me later that this caught the attention of some of the other girls around who looked impressed.

I went over to the dancefloor with this girl for a while. I'm still pretty hopeless on the dancefloor, I just look awkward. She ended up going back to the bar to get a drink with her friend. They came up to me later in the night and I danced with them again. Then I saw them out the front when I was leaving and got their Instgrams. 

I kept talking to Katie a lot during the night. She seemed pretty keen on me. I possibly could've hooked up with her if I'd just stayed talking to her. But then I kept going off and talking to these other girls. Oh well, I'll probably see her again at some point.
Definitely my best night out since I've moved.

Saturday night
My housemate and I went to the same club as the previous night. We're going to make this our regular place. We can walk there in 5 minutes from our apartment, it has a good vibe and there are lots of attractive girls there.

The first few hours we just sat at one of the tables talking to each other. I wanted to talk to some of the girls around but just couldn't push myself to do it. 

We talked to a couple of other guys who were part of a big birthday group.
There was one incredibly stunning blonde girl who was at the table next to us. Best looking girl at the club besides one of the staff. I was looking over at her a lot.

I saw her friends had gone over to the bar and she was by herself at the table. I was amazed that no other guys had gone over and talked to her so I decided I'd do it myself.

I went over and started chatting with her. She responded fairly well and seemed friendly. I didn't have any problem talking to her but I probably made the conversation a little too logical and platonic. Needed to be more flirty. Her friend came back and I introduced myself to her as well.

I didn't stay there for long after the friend came back. But I was proud of myself for approaching the best looking girl in the club.
When I went back to my housemate, he was talking to another girl at our table. I introduced myself to her. She was with her boyfriend and a few other people. After we were talking for a while, she asked me what type of girl I was into. I told her and she said she might have someone for me.

She left and came back a few minutes later with a friend of hers and introduced us. I chatted to the friend for a while. She seemed alright but not sure if she was really my type. I got her Facebook. 

A little later, we were at our table and this girl came over and leaned on our table. She was by herself and just looking at her phone. My housemate and I didn't say anything to her for a few minutes. Then I said to her it was $5 to sit at our table. 

She laughed at that and it opened up the conversation. She'd lost her friends and was waiting for them to text her. We talked to her for a while as she waited for her friends. She was pretty cute and seemed friendly.

When she heard from her friends, they said they had a booth over the other end of the club. She invited us to come with her to the booth.

We went over with her and she introduced us to some of her friends at the booth. I talked to a few of her friends for a while then chatted more to her again.

It was getting late so my housemate and I decided to head home. But we got her contact details before we left. She seems like a cool girl who would probably be a good friend to catch up with.

Turned into a decent night, but not as good as Friday, I just need to be more social when we go out. Make friends with people. Talk to more girls. Get to know the staff. Don't spend so much time sitting around doing nothing. 

The girls who work at this club are all really attractive. Next time we go, we need to get to know them. There's a few girls there who are in charge of the bottle service. Most of the time they're just walking around looking pretty. So I should really introduce myself to them, just so they know me and I can say hello to them whenever we're there. 
Reply
#53
Friday Night


There's a music festival nearby this weekend which I went to with my housemate and one of his friends. We ended up meeting a few other people there who I didn't know.

I'm still pretty uncomfortable in these bigger group social situations. I tend to go into my shell more, especially if the others in the group are bigger personalities. I also find myself thinking I should act more like the others in the group instead of being myself.

After the concert, we went to the same club as last weekend. Mostly just stood around a table talking to my housemate and his friend. They left fairly early so I stayed around after they left.

It wasn't as good there as the previous week, unfortunately. More of a rougher crowd and not so many people.

I went over to the dancefloor and saw a South American girl look at me. I looked at her and pointed. She pointed back so I held my hand out which she grabbed and then pulled her into me. Danced and talked with her for a while. But she was pretty drunk.

I talked to a few guys in there and then went home.

Saturday Night

Went out to a bar down the road with my housemate and two of his friends from the night before. Felt more comfortable on this occasion in the group situation, although I was still probably the quietest in the group.

After that, my housemate and I went to a cocktail bar nearby. Seems like a great venue to go to. It's on the 20th floor at the casino building with amazing views out over the city and it attracts a more classy crowd than the nightclub we've been going to. More likely to find girlfriend material here.

When we got in we went over to the bar to get waters and I opened a conversation with the two girls in front of us. They responded pretty well and we chatted to them for a bit, while we waited for drinks. One of them was celebrating her birthday and tried to get us to buy her a drink. I don't like it when girls ask you to buy them drinks.

We went outside and were chatting next to a group of three - one guy and two girls on a lounge. The guy got up and left so I thought it would be a good chance to talk to the girls. I called out one of them on not wearing black, because myself, my housemate and her friend were all wearing black. 

It opened up really strong. Talked to them for a few minutes and introduced them to my housemate. Then the guy came back and I talked to him as well. I discovered that one of the girls was his ex but I didn't know which one, which made it a little awkward. 

The guy and one of the girls went to the bar to get a drink. And at the same time, my housemate decided to go home. So I was one on one with the other girl, who was probably the most attractive one. I sat next to her on the lounge and talked. I often start off well in the conversation but then default back into very safe, boring interview style questions. Which is what I did here and a few more times during the night.

When the other two came back from the bar, I stayed around and talked to the three of them for a while but it felt a bit awkward with one of the girls being the guy's ex so I decided to take off.

I went back inside and talked to the two girls we spoke to at the bar before. They asked what happened to my housemate and I told them he went on a Grindr date lol.

I went back outside and found a table to sit at with one older guy. Talked to him for a while and it turned out he was from the same state as me. 

I turned around and saw there were two really gorgeous blondes sitting at the table next to me so I started chatting to them. Once again, I started out really strong, got a great response from them but then defaulted back into boring, small talk. They ended up leaving to go to the bathroom.

After they left, a guy and girl came over to that table. I said hello to them and they were super friendly. I found out they weren't a couple, just housemates. The guy went to the bar to get a drink so I was chatting one on one with the girl. She was asking me a lot of questions and seemed interested.

She wasn't really my type but could be a good friend to catch up with when we go out some nights. I saw them a little later in the night and they suggested adding each other on Facebook and said it would be good to catch up some time. 

I saw the two girls from the bar again and talked to them again. They were just visiting so they asked me what places I'd recommend nearby. I suggested the nightclub I've been going to and they ended up going there. I probably could've gone with them but wasn't really that keen. I got one of their Instagram's before they left. 

I talked to a few more guys and girls during the night but nothing very exciting to report. Think I did really well after my housemate left, considering I was on my own, not drinking and still managed to talk to a lot of people. 

Looking forward to going back to this bar. It seems very easy to talk to people there and everyone is pretty friendly.
Reply
#54
This post is going to be more introspection rather than reporting on any nights out or dates. Since moving to a new city, I've been so much busier than I previously was and unfortunately that's left me with very little time for deep introspection and reflecting on my situation. 


I haven't written in here much lately. Partly because I've been busy. But mostly because I just haven't been taking much action to go out and meet new people and improve my dating/social life.

I went out last night with my housemate. There were lots of attractive girls around but I just couldn't get myself to talk any of them. It was pathetic.

As I was walking home at the end of the night, I felt angry. I felt like a loser and got really upset with myself for not taking action.
And I think that's probably a good thing. I think back to 3-4 years ago when I was going out a lot, If I had a night out where I didn't talk to any girls or I felt like I didn't perform as well as I should have, I would drive home and feel super pissed with myself. The next day I would feel like shit for not taking action.

That anger would usually light a fire under my ass, motivating me to do better next time.

But since being single again, I just haven't felt that same anger after bad nights. Despite having a lot of nights where I haven't done what I know I should be doing. I'm never going to improve my social skills and dating life as much as I want if I can't even get myself to talk to people when I go out.

So I was glad to feel that anger and frustration with myself as I walked home last night. Some of the anger was probably even manufactured in an attempt to motivate myself. 

But even this morning, as I write this just 9-10 hours after walking home, most of that anger and frustration has dissipated. I think in order to be driven to put in the effort to make big changes in your life you need a strong emotional push.

Either strong negative emotions about your current situation which drives you to improve it. Or very strong feelings of excitement about your ideal future situation, which drives you to move towards that.

The reason I originally got into this whole journey of self-improvement, going out, trying to improve my dating and social life was because I was so fed up with my situation. I was a 21-year-old with not many friends, who had basically never had any success with girls whatsoever. 

And I hated being in that situation. I'd often sit in my bed and cry because it made me feel so worthless. 

That was the fuel I needed to motivate me to make changes and make a decision that I was going to improve those areas of my life. 
If I hadn't been so depressed and frustrated with my situation back then, I never would have gone out and talked to hundreds of girls, met thousands of people and made huge progress with my dating life.

Sadly, I feel like I just don't have that same emotional leverage needed to motivate myself anymore. And I don't know what it will take to get it.

In the past 3-4 years, I've probably become a lot more contented. I am much more content with the person I am, what I have and my overall situation.

That's probably a good thing in many ways because it makes me fairly emotionally stable. I don't usually feel massive lows and depression. I also don't feel massive highs or excitement. Day to day, I'm generally fairly happy. I have my bad days but they usually aren't terrible.

But the problem is that without those lows and strong, negative emotions, where does the motivation to improve come from?
Any motivation I do have is very fleeting.

This applies to other areas of my life as well. Being so content with everything makes it difficult for me to find the motivation to grow my business more or to perform better in my job and go past a level of mediocrity. 

I want to make more friends, meet beautiful women, find an amazing girlfriend, grow my business but I just don't want these things enough in order to take the actions to obtain them.

I remember in the past, realizing that I would need a lot of emotional leverage - in the form of pain or fear in order to make myself follow through with some big changes in my life. I tried a few different strategies to manufacture this pain and fear.

I remember writing out what my life would look like if I never made any changes. How I would be old, lonely and full of regret. I remember searching for stories of elderly people who knew they had fucked up in their life by not fully pursuing the things they wanted during their life, hoping that seeing the pain of regret in them would scare me into taking action.

It's hard to say whether doing these things helped or not. Maybe they did. Maybe that's why I was able to take a lot of action and make some big changes in my life between the years 2014-2016. So perhaps I should try that again.

Or perhaps I just need to commit to taking action, regardless of how motivated I feel. In the past, I did things like 30 day challenges or committing to talking to X number of new people every day. It might be worthwhile starting with something like that just to build some momentum.

But if the underlying issue is a lack of motivation as I suspect it might be, then I'm not sure if a 30 day challenge will make much difference until I address the underlying issue.

On another note, Tinder sucks in this city. Before I left my old city, I was able to get dates from tinder almost every week. Now I can barely get any matches. So I really can't be relying on tinder here, I have to go out and meet people.
Reply
#55
Went out last night with a friend of a friend. Talked to a few Colombian girls while I waited for him to arrive. 

We went to a nightclub after and he talked to an Asian girl in there. She was with another Asian girl who I talked to for a while but she barely spoke any English so it was difficult.

After we left them I saw another Asian girl who was looking at me. I put my hand out to her and danced with her for a while. She was with a few other people who were looking at me, which was really uncomfortable so I asked my friend to talk to them. After dancing with the Asian girl for a while, I got her Instagram and then we moved on.

Couldn't find too many attractive girls to talk to. The place we went to was busy but it was a lot of guys. 

When I was walking back to my car I spotted a cute Latin girl who had just split from her friends. I asked her if she was Colombian. She was Chilean. Spoke a little Spanish to her. Even though my Spanish isn't very good, it helps to know a bit because most guys here don't know any at all.

She was really nice. Latin girls are great. When I got back to my car, I got her number and Instagram. I probably could've tried pushing for more but I hadn't really had the time to build a lot of comfort with her and also she was the type of girl I'd actually like to see again and I didn't want to stuff that up. Maybe that was a mistake....we'll see. I was stalking her Insta this today and she's really attractive so hopefully I see her again.
Reply
#56
Had an interesting interaction last night with an absolute beauty. Got her to drive me back to my apartment but couldn't get any further. Going to break it down, mostly for my own benefit to work out what I could’ve done better.

I talked to a lot of people during the night, had some good conversations and a fun night overall. But I’m just going to focus on this one interaction.

I went to a networking event for young professionals at a local bar. About 20 minutes after arriving, I went to the bar to get myself a water.
There was a group of four near the bar who were all part of the event. I looked at the girl from that group who was nearest to me and said hello.
So easy to talk to people at events like this, no hesitation at all to just say hello.

This girl was gorgeous, blonde hair, great face, hot body. Best looking girl at the event. The type of girl who I’d probably be too intimidated to approach if it wasn’t an event like this.

When I started talking to her, she broke away from the rest of the group, so it was just the two of us talking. Mostly just small talk but I found a few ways to make it a little more playful.

Feel like I did pretty well in these first 10 minutes talking to her. Did enough to get her interested. But I was also mindful of the environment we were in. It was a business networking event so it would have been strange/inappropriate to go too far at first.

This older Indian guy joined in on our conversation. He was obviously there to talk to the girl, but came across as very ‘creepy old man vibe.’
One of the staff asked us to move to a different spot because they were setting up something. The Indian guy said lets all go over there and talk. We went with him and the girl grabbed my arm and gave me a look that basically said ‘save me from this guy!’ Haha.

The three of us were talking for a few minutes, then I made an attempt to get her away from the Indian guy. I said to her do you want to go get a drink?

Unfortunately, she didn’t get the hint straight away and just asked me if I could take her card to the bar and buy her a drink with it. She said later on that she only realised after what I was trying to do and felt silly for not taking the hint.

I took her drink and card back to her, talked a bit more and then I went off to go to the bathroom and then talked to some other people.

Don’t think I did anything wrong here by leaving her for a while. I knew she would still be there for a while and I could easily go back to her. Plus, it was probably good for her to see me talking to other girls.

After talking to some other people, I saw her again and she was happy to see me. She was sitting at a table with a couple of other people and invited me to come over. I talked to her and the others at the table for a while.

Still all good at this point I think. Her interest in me seemed to be growing, so I must have been doing something right. Maybe I could’ve tried to take control of the situation and lead her more by taking her to the bar or something, but it was fine regardless.

That Indian guy came back and started talking to us again. He was mostly talking to her and was being very creepy. She kept looking at me, like “this guy is such a weirdo” and she’d look me right in the eyes and hold it, with this cheeky smile. It was very attractive.

Another guy came over to talk to her as well. She thought he was creepy too and was giving me the same look.

Eventually she said she was going outside and she invited me to come with her. We went outside and sat around a table with some other people. Me and her were starting to get a lot more comfortable with each other and were teasing and flirting with each other.

I was talking to another girl for a while at the table who was actually really cool. Probably more attractive personality than the first girl but not as attractive physically.

The others left eventually and it was just me and the blonde girl again. She was telling me about some comedian she likes and said she would show me a video of him.

She suggested we go outside the bar, into this park right next door to watch this video.

**This is the type of thing I should be doing! Use some sort of excuse like watching a Youtube video to isolate a girl from everyone else to a spot where it’s easier to get more physical/intimate**

I think this is where I started to screw up.

She was taking the lead, making things move forward. When we got over to the park and sat down to watch her video she was getting super close to me, had her hand on me, was being very flirty, etc.

I was almost overwhelmed that such a gorgeous girl was coming onto me like that and froze up a little.

This was my golden opportunity to really escalate here. She was putting herself out there, really escalating on her end and I was barely reciprocating.

I couldn’t expect her to do all the work, I had to move things forward as well. I should’ve done anything. I could’ve looked her right in the eyes, like we were looking at each other before then either kissed her or said something like ‘stop looking at me that way, you’re making me want to kiss you.’

There are a hundred things I could’ve done that would’ve been better than what I did.

While she was clearly interested, it probably would’ve been the best time to suggest going back to my apartment for a drink or at least plant the seed.  

All I needed to do was ask something like ‘what are you doing after this?’ …’let’s go back to my place for s drink or to watch a youtube video.’

Instead, I waited until later when my window of opportunity had closed.

We went back inside the bar and sat at a table. I think her interest at this point started to drop. She seemed more interested in her phone than me.

The other girl we were talking to earlier came over to our table and we talked to her for a while. She mentioned going out to one of the nearby clubs with some of the other people from the event. I thought that could be a good idea because it would be an easier environment to get more intimate with my girl.

She sounded keen at first but then a few minutes later she said she’s need to get home soon.

She got up to leave and said goodbye to some people, so I went with her. We walked together outside towards where she had parked.
I tried to tell her she shouldn’t drive because she’d had several drinks. Which was true, she shouldn’t have been driving. I told her I live five minutes away and she should come back to my place to sober up for a while before driving back.

She definitely thought about it. She said ‘hmm that would be the responsible thing to do.’ I thought I had her.

But then she said no she would be fine.

I think I gave up too easily at that point. I still tried to tell her she shouldn’t be driving. But dropped the whole part about coming into my place. I’m sure there was part of her that did want to come back to my place. But she probably didn’t want to look too easy or slutty so she had to give some resistance. It’s hard to know for sure but I feel like if I’d been a little more persistent, she would’ve gladly come.

I did ask her if she could drive me back to my place, which I thought would buy me some more time to convince her to come up.

It was a three minute drive back to my place and in that time I probably should’ve tried to build more comfort and tell her why it would be a good idea to come up to my apartment.

But instead I tried to build more attraction by teasing and joking with her. Think that was the wrong move.

When we got back to my apartment, I sort of just conceded that she wouldn’t be changing her mind. Even though in hindsight, she probably would have with a little more persistence.  

I got her Instagram, she took my number and hugged goodbye.

I messaged her on Instagram but haven’t heard anything back. Doubt I will now. She gave me a window of opportunity and I messed it up.

Messed up a golden opportunity to hook up with the most attractive girl of my life. Which is very disappointing. But I suppose there are some things I can learn from the experience.

Lessons Learned
·        Very attractive girls will give you a small window of opportunity, if you miss it then it’s hard to recover
·        Need to recognise when to keep persisting despite getting a no
·        Need to move things forward myself more, especially when the girl is showing clear signs of interest. I seem to get caught up thinking I need to keep building more attraction or something or I think if I’m just there, things will happen by themselves
·        I can attract incredibly hot girls – my gosh she was gorgeous.
·        Events like this one are great for meeting people. It’s so much easier to talk to people at an event like this than a bar or nightclub. People just expect you to talk to them and are never going to reject you
Reply
#57
Went to the local library yesterday to do some work. Two girls came over and sat at the table near me. One of them was pretty cute.

I got up and walked past them to see if I could get them to notice me. Think it worked. When I got back, I could see them talking to each other quietly then one of them came over and asked if I could watch their laptops while they went out to get coffee.

When they got back, I could see them quietly talking to each other again and I got the feeling they were talking about me. I thought about going straight over to talk to them but was feeling really nervous.

I started thinking about how I could start a conversation with them and came up with a game plan. Despite feeling really nervous, I thought I had to at least try talking to them.

When I was ready to leave, I packed up my stuff and then went over to their table and struck up a conversation. Got a great response from both of them.

I asked the cuter one for her number and she said yes,definitely. They loved it. Turned out they had been talking about me before haha.

Talked to them for a few minutes before leaving. The cute one said make sure you text me, as I was leaving. Good sign.

Felt amazing to do that. I think that's the first time in several years that I've got a daytime number. It was great.

Definitely made my day and I think it made their's as well.

Maybe I should start going to libraries more often 😂
Reply
#58
Back in my hometown for the weekend and went out with my old wingman Saturday night.  Was really nice to be back.


First bar we went to, my wingman was talking to an older woman at the bar. Her friends came over and I started talking to them. There were two girls next to them, who thought I was talking to them. These two were younger and cuter than the others so I kept talking to them.

Started off well, they were very giggly. Then this woman from the other group came in and started talking to the three of us. She asked the girls if they knew me and they lied and said they did.

Then this woman kept on asking if we really knew each other and it completely ruined the vibe. The two girls left to go down stairs to the bathroom. 
On our way out, my wingman and I bumped into the two girls again. We talked to them for 5-10 minutes. Felt like I did really well. They both seemed really into it. But then when I said we had to go and tried to get their Instagram's, they didn't want to give them to me.

Not sure what I did wrong here. All signs were positive. Maybe I should have just gone for one of them. Or maybe I should have got to know them more instead of just talking shit.

We left and went to another bar. A group of 4-5 girls, was walking past where we were standing. My wingman got one of them to stop briefly and tried to introduce me to her. She stopped for a second, got my name and asked me some question then kept moving with her friends.

A little later I got separated from my wingman and he texted me saying that girl was looking for me. Apparently he had re-approached the group now that they were sitting down and the girl I briefly talked to was asking where I was.

I went back there but now there was a few other guys at their table. I talked to one of the other girls and she said I should talk to the other girl (the one who was asking where I was) but now some other guy was talking to her. I thought I'd wait for that guy to get out of there then come back in later.
Unfortunately I never got a chance. Shame, she was quite attractive Sad 

A little later, my wingman approached three women at a table. I was just going to keep walking but one of them stopped me and started talking to me. Felt really confident talking to her. Think she liked me. But she was a bit older.

She got up and said she was going to go and dance. Think this may have been an invitation to go with her but I stayed behind.

A little later, my wingman and I were sitting at a booth. A group of girls and a few guys came over and sat near us. I got talking to one of the girls in the group. 

She was very scattered, with her attention going everywhere. I managed to tame her a bit and get her attention on me for a while. Then I moved over and sat right next to her.

She was messaging a friend of hers and must have said something to the friend about me. She wanted to take a photo of me and send it to her friend. No idea what she was saying to her friend about me - whether it was good or bad. Bit strange.

I got her to show me the photo and told her that I loved it and was going to make it my new Tinder profile photo so she had to send it to me. She got my Instagram so she could send it to me on there.

Her friends were going over to the dancefloor. She was the last one to get up and leave. Would have been a good opportunity to kiss her, without the friends right there but I missed it.

Saw her again later on the dancefloor but she seemed pretty drunk or on something so I didn't bother re-approaching.

I approached a girl who was by herself. Turned out she was married and her husband had just gone to the toilet. She was still friendly and said I was welcome to stay and chat to her and her friends. When the husband and friends returned, I tried to make the best of it and chat to them. Just trying to be social.

While I was at this bar, I saw another friend of mine from school. He was effortlessly going around approaching girls and seemed to be doing pretty well. It made me think I could be doing so much better and taking so much more action.

I remember speaking to the same guy earlier in the year and he was saying he goes out at least 2 nights every week. He's probably approaching girls consistently every night he goes out and getting better all the time.

If I stopped wasting so many nights out and changing up a few things when I do approach, I could become really good. 

I need to come up with some kind of strategy to make sure I'm not wasting my nights out. I have to be consistently taking action, learning and improving.

Since I don't really have many wingmen in my new city to go out with me (and the 2 I do have are unreliable) I'm probably going to have to go out alone a bit.

Lately when I've been out alone, I've spent far too much time standing around not talking to anyone. This drastically lowers my value in the venue and I'm sure girls probably notice.

So I've come up with a solo nights out strategy I'm going to try to follow the next few times I go out alone:

  • 3 different venues

  • Approach at least 2 girls/groups at each venue

  • Keep time walking around on my own to a minimum 


First venue: 

  • Approach any guy/girl/staff within the first 3 minutes with a quick question/compliment 

  • Approach first girl/group within first 10 minutes - treat it as a warm up. Try to keep the interaction fairly short unless it goes really well

  • Talk to any girl just before leaving (hey, I'm just about to leave but.....) - takes the pressure off me, because if the interaction goes bad, I've already said I'm leaving anyway and takes the pressure off the girl because she knows I'm leaving soon. Still treat as a warm up.


Second and third venue:

  • Same as first venue but trying to push the interactions further now that I've had a few warm ups


Will test this strategy out next time I'm out alone. If I can follow it then that will be at least 6 approaches each night out, which is a lot more than I do most nights out alone and will give me a lot better chance of success.

Date Night
Had a Tinder date last night, which went well. Strange how it's so much easier to get Tinder dates in my hometown than it is in my new city.

Met her at a bar. We were both vibing pretty well together. Conversation flowed nicely. 

Similar to most of my dates - a few getting to know each other questions, tell a few stories, try to get the conversation onto more edgy topics, go for a walk.

Things I did well:

  • Holding the conversation, leading the conversation, switching conversation topics

  • Story telling 

  • Teasing her/flirty banter - think I did this better than I usually do on dates. But  could probably still do more

  • Eye contact

  • Clever/witty jokes and comments. When I get into the zone and I'm having a good time, I can come up with some pretty clever comments (which I'm usually not very good at)


Things I could improve:

  • Make the conversation more playful/sexual - didn't do this quite as well as some other dates this year. But when I do, it makes it so much easier to touch/kiss her later on

  • Ask questions that would lead to more edgy topics....what's the craziest thing you've done in the last 12 months, what type of guy do you like...when was your last boyfriend

  • Suggest moving somewhere else/going for a walk earlier on

  • Throw in a few more statements that show I like her

  • More physical contact - she was doing this more than I was. I need to be able to initiate it myself more
She messaged me this morning saying that she had a good time and would like to see me again so that's a good sign!

I've been talking to that girl from the library in my last post in the past few days. Hopefully will see her during the week. Should be a fun date.
Reply
#59
Wasted Opportunity & Mindset

Wasted a really good opportunity. Sad 


When I was on my flight back earlier in the week, there was a girl sitting in the row next to me. She was attractive, looked around my age and appeared friendly.

It was hard to talk to her on the flight because there was someone between us. But then I had my chance when I got out of the airport. 

I had my car parked in the long term parking area in the airport, which was about an 8 minute walk from the terminal. She must have had her car parked in the same area.

We both exited the terminal around the same time, she was just ahead of me. I had about 8 minutes where we were basically walking right next to each other for me to start a conversation.

But I just couldn't figure out what to say. When we finally got to the carpark, she stopped near her car to get something out of her suitcase. I was still nearby and looked over at her and smiled. She looked back at me. It was dark and difficult to see but I think she smiled as well.

And I just kept walking....

Ughhh such a wasted opportunity! I saw her car number plate was from the same state as me too. Meaning she had probably moved here fairly recently just like me. So we would've had an instant commonality to talk about if I'd talked to her.

I was furious with myself the whole way home for not talking to her.

Who knows what would've happened if I'd talked to her. I might have got her number and ended up dating her. Now I'll never know what could've been.

I was thinking yesterday that part of the problem is not assuming a positive outcome....When I was walking near her, thinking about talking to her, I was doubting whether she would respond positively or not.

When I got that girl's number at the library last week, I was assuming it would go well before I even approached her. I told myself that they asked me to watch their stuff while they went out to get coffee because they wanted to talk to me and get my attention.

When they got back, just one of them came back at first (the one whose number I got) and then her friend came back a few minutes later. I told myself she came back first because she was hoping I would come over and talk to her when she was alone.

When they were talking quietly to each other, I told myself that they were talking about me (in a positive way).

Who knows if these things were actually true or not. Probably weren't. (Actually, they did admit that they were talking about me before I approached them lol)

But just from thinking these things, it made me far more confident in approaching them. I went in fully expecting to get her number and expecting it would go well. And it was much easier for me to make the decision to actually talk to them.

With the girl on the plane, I didn't have that same confidence. 

So maybe I need to train myself to fully believe things will go well every time I see a girl I want to talk to. Just assume that anything that could possibly be interpreted as an indicator of interest (to borrow a pick up term lol) such as eye contact (no matter how brief), proximity, talking to her friend when I'm nearby is clearly a sign that she wants me to talk to her and it will go very well if I do. 

I'm sure there are a lot of girls I see who would like me to talk to them. Of course, not every girl who briefly looks at me or comes near me desperately wants me to approach her but by assuming she does it will...

a. make me more likely to approach her; and

b. make me more confident when I do believe

I don't know exactly how I can train myself to think this way every time I go out. But no doubt it would be a good mindset to have.

A lot of my failure to approach girls probably comes down to the opposite of assuming a positive outcome. Instead, I assume a negative outcome.

When I see a hot girl at the bar, I tell myself she wouldn't want me to talk to her. I tell myself I would run out of things to say if I approach her. I tell myself it won't go well.

How do you approach when all of that negative self talk is running through your head? And if you do approach, what are the chances of it going well??

As I write this, I'm realizing how true this is. How much this self-talk has probably been holding me back. This is why writing out these journals is so good. It's like a therapy session. Everyone reading this should start their own journal like this (but I know nobody will, regardless of how many times I say that)

Anyway, I need to find a way to change my thinking when I go out. A way to mindfuck myself into believing that every attractive girl in the bar wants to talk to me and that it will go well if I do talk to them.

I suppose that's why alcohol helps. Because it at least inhibits a lot of the doubt and negative self-talk. But I don't want to be relying on alcohol.

It's 12:20am on a Friday morning here right now. Normally, I'm in bed asleep at this time. But right now I'm wide awake and all I feel like doing is writing. I took some modafinil this morning because I had a lot of work I wanted to get done today. Seems like it's working, I'm super alert, focused and thinking clearly at the moment. 

I'll probably stay up and ride out the positive effects of the modafinil, taking advantage of the increased focus and attention. 

The weekend is coming up. Unfortunately, my two wingmen are away at the moment so looks like it will be just me this weekend. Good chance to test out my solo night strategy, which I outlined in my last post.

I MUST MUST MUST talk to at least two girls at each venue I enter. Follow the game plan. No excuses!

Weekend mission: Follow the game plan - do that and it will be a successful weekend
Reply
#60
I went out alone last night and stuck to the game plan...(sort of).

First venue I went to, I talked to someone within 60 seconds. It was another guy and I just said something about his shirt. This was good, off to a good start.

There must have been some kind of pub crawl in there at this time, which I didn't realise until they were all leaving. Would've been a good excuse to talk to people there.

My next goal was to talk to first girl within 10 minutes. I did this after about 7 minutes. Didn't commit to it though. Interaction lasted about 5 seconds lol but I still counted it.

After that, I spent a little to long sitting and walking around without talking to anyone. I was sitting next to a couple of guys - should've talked to them just to be social.

I told myself I couldn't leave until I talked to another girl. Finally I saw a girl sitting by herself. Looked like her friends were at the bar so I took my chance while she was by herself. It went fine, we talked for a few minutes. Then one of her friends came back (who was a guy) - he didn't interrupt us or anything but I didn't feel like staying (in the back of my mind, I'd told myself it was going to be a warmup). So I ejected and went to the next venue.

When I was lining up for the next place, there was a group of three girls in front of me. I spoke to them until we got inside.

Once inside I walked around for a while and then got a water from the bar. As I was lining up for the bar, I saw one of the girls I'd talked to in the line again. Started talking to her. She seemed happy to see me again. Started out pretty well but then she got distracted by one of her friends. I needed to take responsibility for keeping the conversation going here, instead of hoping she would just keep talking to me.

This is where it helps to have a wingman. He would've been able to chat to her friends, making it easier for me to chat one on one with the girl I was talking to.

After that I spent a little too long wandering around not talking to anyone. I was trying to find the perfect opportunity to talk to someone.

There were a group of girls with sashes on for a bridesmaid party. I talked to one of them, asking her what the sashes said. I left pretty quickly, she seemed pretty cold.

I would've liked to have gone to a third place as per the game plan but it was pretty quiet out and I didn't want to pay to get in anywhere.

Still not too bad, I was talking to people at least. One thing I did, which I used to do in the past, was setting a timer on my phone as soon as I got in the venue for 10 minutes. And telling myself I had to approach before the clock hit zero.

Going out alone is super hard. But I think I just have to stick it out and keep following a game plan like this if I want to start getting the results I want.

Few things to do differently tonight:

-Make a plan of exactly which venues I'm going to go to
-Commit to my approaches more...want to be in the interaction for at least one minute
-Approach a girl within the first 10 minutes and then set the timer for 10 minutes again. I can't have so long in between interactions
-Be more social...talk to guys, girls, staff..anyone
-Classier venues...too many feral girls where I was last night. Desire to talk to these girls very low
Reply


Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  Saying NO to loneliness! My Journal bender22 231 36,016 10-14-2018, 12:26 PM
Last Post: bender22
Sad this time of life, my father's journal MTrip 3 2,144 08-09-2013, 06:49 AM
Last Post: MTrip
  Is it worth it to work towards a computer diploma/degree part-time cuz technology... Stars 16 4,054 09-22-2012, 09:56 AM
Last Post: Xerin
  DTR's Magical Traveling Mind Dump - Part XVII Doubt The Rabbit 5 1,949 12-09-2010, 01:28 AM
Last Post: zombieslayer
  DTR's Magical Traveling Mind Dump - Part XVI Doubt The Rabbit 2 1,620 11-22-2010, 03:06 AM
Last Post: Doubt The Rabbit
  DTR's Magical Traveling Mind Dump - Part XIII Doubt The Rabbit 4 2,028 11-10-2010, 11:20 AM
Last Post: Doubt The Rabbit
  DTR's Magical Traveling Mind Dump - Part XII Doubt The Rabbit 0 1,051 11-05-2010, 04:34 AM
Last Post: Doubt The Rabbit
  DTR's Magical Traveling Mind Dump - Part VII Doubt The Rabbit 6 1,495 10-27-2010, 02:03 AM
Last Post: dead
  Anywhere to share your social journal? Pheenix 3 2,530 09-19-2010, 06:18 AM
Last Post: Pheenix
  The "Bible Bender" is off. Punisher 15 3,484 12-03-2009, 04:13 AM
Last Post: Punisher

Forum Jump:


Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)