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Bender's Journal: Part 2
#71
At last, a pretty decent night out on my own!

I got to the casino and was determined not to take too long to do my first approach. In the first bar, I was feeling a little anxious but at the same time felt committed to finding some girls to talk to.

Probably took me about 10 minutes or so to find my first approach. There were two girls standing next to me near the bar. One of them really attractive, one not so much. I turned to them and just asked if they knew the name of the bar.

They were nice but I wasn’t getting much back from them. Don’t think it was that they didn’t like me, more so they just didn’t know what to say. And I wasn’t doing a lot to carry the conversation myself. So I bailed from that one pretty quick.

Moved onto the next bar and found two girls together and approached them. They responded nicely but more in a friendly/platonic way, not like they were really attracted. I think they probably had partners. I stayed in there for a few minutes chatting to them and discovered they were out for a hens night. I was treating this as a warm up approach and could see it probably wouldn’t go far anyway so I wished them a good night and moved on.

Went past the sports bar and saw a fairly large crowd watching a boxing match. I thought that would make for a good conversational opener. There was another guy by himself watching it so I asked him about it. He didn’t know anything about the boxing either. But we had a good chat. He was a cool guy.

There was a group of four girls next to us who seemed to be very interested in the boxing. I really should’ve spoken to them but didn’t.

I probably should’ve done one more approach at the casino but wanted to get over to another part of town before it got too late.
Went over to this other part of town and firstly went to one of my favourite bars/clubs there. It’s usually pretty busy on Saturday nights and attracts a lot of latin girls, which I like.

But I got in there and it was unusually quiet. Since it wasn’t busy, I thought it would be a good opportunity to have a quick chat with one of the cute bartenders. I asked for my water and just asked her about why it was so quiet then briefly talked to her. Just doing that gave me a little boost of momentum.

There were almost no good opportunities to approach girls in there because it was so quiet. I found one group of four girls near the bar, who were probably the best in there. I got a few looks from them so thought that would be the best approach to do.

I went for the most attractive one first and asked if they were Colombian. Turned out they were Spanish. Got a pretty good response from her, definitely better than my previous interactions. She introduced me to her other friends and one of them seemed to really want to talk to me.

So I ended up talking quite a bit with this other friend. She wasn’t as attractive as the first one though and I wasn’t quite as invested as I was before. She was doing a lot more to carry the conversation than I was. I should’ve just transitioned back to the original one but it was difficult.

After talking to them for about 10 minutes, they decided to go out to the smokers area. I probably could’ve got a number from the second girl but I didn’t really want to. Couldn’t see any other good approach opportunities in there, so I moved on to the next place.
Next place was more of a loud club, which I’ve been to several times before. Had to line up for about 15 minutes and I got talking to a guy in the line who was also out by himself. Pretty cool guy and he was just moving here from another city.

I saw him again inside and talked to him for a while. He was also trying to find some girls. I was going to ask him for his Facebook so we could go out in future and wingman each other but then ended up talking to a girl for a while and didn’t see him again after that. I was really annoyed that I didn’t get his contact details because I really need some more guys to go out with here and he would’ve been cool to hang out with.

There was another guy from Kenya, we were talking to in the line as well and I spoke to him a little bit inside. Helped to have a couple of other guys I could talk to when I got inside. Definitely something to keep in mind for other solo nights out.

Next approach was a couple of girls next to me, who sounded German. I asked one of them if they were German. They were. She seemed impressed that I figured out they were German so quickly in a loud club.

It went pretty well. I could see some signs that she liked me. It turned out she was with a whole group of Germans and an American guy, who she introduced me to. I talked to the American guy for a while, who was a nice guy.

There was another Australian guy in the group as well and as I was talking to the original German girl, he interrupted and started talking to her. I couldn’t hear exactly what he was saying but it sounded like he was trying to insult me to her. I just stood there casually, like I was totally unaffected by it.

I couldn’t be sure he was even talking about me so it would’ve been weird for me to jump in and start defending myself or anything. And the way I handled it seemed to work because she eventually turned away from him and came back to me to talk again.

I probably needed either get her number and move on or find a way to separate her from the rest of the group so I could talk 1 on 1 with her without the distractions from them. Unfortunately, I did neither of these things and ended up losing her with the rest of the group. I could’ve reapproached her later on but ended up with another girl.

Next approach was a girl who appeared to be by herself near the dancefloor. She couldn’t hear a thing I was saying at first so I had to try a few times. It gave me a good excuse to get closer to her and touch her.

I don’t think she understood my opener at all but it still worked to get a conversation going. She was French. Most of our conversation was pretty simple, getting to know each other. But I was able to throw in a few jokes, teases and a lot of physical touching, which made it work.

That’s the one thing I like about these loud clubs – it gives you a good excuse to get up really close to the girl and be more physical, just so she can hear you. And in that environment, it doesn’t feel weird at all. For me, being physical has always been a sticking point so this helps.

This interaction with the French girl was going super well. I could see she was definitely attracted to me. At one point her friend came over and she introduced me. I was a little worried she may have taken off with her friend but I think she must have said to the friend that she liked me and wanted to stay with me because the friend took off and left the two if us.

I suggested that we get a drink at the bar. We went over to the bar and were about to be served and she said she just needed to go and ask her friend something. I didn’t know what she wanted to drink, so I just ordered my beer.

When she got back, I just had my beer and no drink for her. It seemed like she was annoyed that I didn’t get her a drink but I’m not sure if this was supposed to be just a playful thing or if she was genuinely annoyed.

For a while, both of us went quiet. She was just playing with her phone. Definitely the most awkward part of the interaction.
I was mindful not to come across too needy here, so I took a few steps away from her onto the dancefloor and just danced on my own. Then I saw a black guy next to her who started talking to her.

I wasn’t too phased by this, I thought if she liked me enough she would come back to me. And after a few minutes, she did.
We danced together, then it wasn’t too long before she gave me the look like she wanted to kiss me. I took the opportunity and went for it. We were making out and dancing for a while. She was a good kisser.

Then she said she’d have to go back and find her friend. I was pretty sure she would come back to me later so I didn’t go with her or try to get her number.

This probably would’ve been a good chance to talk to some other girls in the club. I’ve found that girls seem to notice you more in a club if they have seen you making out with another girl. And there were a few girls in there who I was getting some looks from.

One of them was really attractive, she was sitting with a friend and I walked past her a couple of times and got strong eye contact from her on both occasions. I really should have approached her and I’m sure it would’ve gone fairly well. I was in a good state at this point, had some momentum and I was definitely on this girl’s radar so it almost certainly would’ve gone well.

But I took the easy option and went back to the French girl.

It turned out her friend had left now so she was by herself. She said she couldn’t hear me very well and suggested herself that we go outside.

We went outside and got some food then sat down and talked. I could see this was a perfect opportunity to take her back home. But as soon as I thought of that I started thinking about my Spanish housemate and whether it would be awkward bringing home another girl.

It looks like I’m just in the friendzone with my Spanish housemate so it probably wouldn’t have mattered but it was still making me second guess myself.

The French girl and I went down near the beach and sat on a bench. We were talking for a while and then eventually started making out. It probably took me a bit too long to start making out with her again and it was getting late.

I said ‘lets go and find my car’ and then when we got to my car, I asked if she wanted to come back to my place for a drink. She said she was getting tired and better go back to her hostel. I probably could’ve convinced her to come back with me if I’d persisted a little. I think she probably would’ve liked to. But I was still thinking about my Spanish housemate so I didn’t bother.

 I drove her back to her hostel because it was close. We got there and made out again. She said she’d had a really good time and we exchanged contact details. She’s only here for the weekend though.

Anyway…pretty solid night. Proud of myself for taking action and talking to girls on a solo night out again.

I don’t think I would’ve had such a good night out if I hadn’t gone back and read over my old journal again. It was a reminder that I’ve done all this before so there’s no reason I can’t do it again. It reminded me that I used to be somewhat decent at this stuff and if I just follow the process, there’s no reason I can’t reproduce the results I used to get back then…hopefully better results.

I liked the progression through my approaches during the night too. First approach was very short and a little awkward. But each interaction got better.

By the 3rd/4th approaches, I was more in the zone and able to stick in the interactions for longer and get more attraction from the girls. And by my final approach I was almost able to take a girl home.

I just need to keep doing that with more consistency now.
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#72
Friday night

Unfortunately wasted most of the night just wondering around and not approaching but still managed to have one decent interaction.

Went to the casino first but it was extremely quiet so I left pretty quickly without talking to anyone.

Next I went to a salsa dancing bar. I saw one of the guys from my salsa classes and talked to him for a while. There was a girl who came over and briefly talked to me. I wasn't very attracted to her so I didn't do much to maintain the interaction. Probably should have just to get some momentum. 

First real approach was a girl sitting by herself next to me. I hesitated for too long then finally tapped her on the arm and spoke to her. About 30 seconds in a guy she knew came over and asked her to dance. If I hadn't hesitated for so long, I would've had more time to talk to her. 

When I went to the bathroom, I got talking to a guy in there. We were having a chat for about 10 minutes. He said he was a friend of one of the top Australian tennis players and they had a VIP booth at one of the nightclubs later on and said I could join them. I didn't end up going but probably should have. They probably would've had some attractive girls with them.

After the salsa bar, I went to a nightclub. Went over to the dancefloor and found two girls dancing together. One of them looked at me and i extended my hand out for her to take but she didn't. Don't think I was confident enough with it. 

Spent a long time wondering around the club, not approaching anyone. Much too long. There was one girl who caught my eye a few times and appeared to by herself. Had a bit of eye contact with her on a few occasions.

Finally, I decided to at least walk over in her direction and see if I got anymore eye contact. She didn't look but when i got closer I decided to talk to her anyway. She responded well almost immediately. She was Brazillian. 

I was talking to her for a few minutes and she suggested we get a drink at the bar. I was able to get physcal pretty early on because it was loud so I could get up close to her and touch her. She was pretty physical herself.

After getting drinks I took her hand and lead her over to the dancefloor. I probably could've easily kissed her but I just wasn't feeling that physically attracted to her so i didn't.

We probably spent about 30 minutes together. The interaction did fizzle out a bit but she still liked me. If I'd played it the right way, I really think i could've taken her back to my place.

But I just didn't want to. Thinking back, I probably should have. I wasn't super attracted to her but she wasn't ugly and she was nice. We probably could've had a good time and it would've been good practice. 

She mentioned a Brazillian party at the same club this Thursday and said her and her Brazillian friends would be going and invited me to come. Sounds like a good opportunity. We exchanged instagram's and I just messaged her this morning and got a response from her quickly. Will follow up closer to Thursday to make sure her and her friends are still going out.

Didn't do anymore approaches after that.

I've been reading more of my old journal. Before going out last night I was reading about some of my nights out in early 2015. Reading about some of the good ones put a huge smile on my face. It's so cool that I was able to do some of the stuff I did back then and there's no reason I can't get to that level again. Just need to take more action like I did back then.
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#73
Saturday Night

Fairly decent night out last night. I definitely could've done a lot more but still a very big improvement on most of my nights out over the past 3-4 months, especially solo nights.

I started out at the casino, with the intention of approaching some girls as quickly as possible. Took me a little while to find a good opportunity because it wasn't awfully busy yet. 

My first interaction was with a girl I know from salsa classes who works at this bar. She saw me first and came over to say hello and gave me a hug. I think she’s Brazilian and she’s totally adorable. Such a nice smile and happy attitude. Only talked to her briefly because she was working but it got me into a good mood.

First proper approach was with two girls who were sitting together. I approached them and realised one of them was on the phone so I talked to the other one.

For the first approach of the night, with the goal being to just start talking to people and build some momentum, I think I played this one perfectly. I talked to them for about 5 minutes and felt very confident, like I was expressing the best of my personality. They both responded fairly well and were friendly.

If it had been later in the night, it probably would’ve been worth pursuing further and staying in the interaction. But at this early stage in the night all I wanted was a quick, positive interaction so I left after 5 minutes.

I wanted to do at least one more approach before leaving the casino but just couldn’t find the right opportunity. There were a lot of big social groups around, which are difficult to approach, especially early in the night. So I left and went over to another part of town.

Went to the same nightclub as Friday night, which was busier this time. I really wanted to approach early on in there but it still took me about 15-20 minutes.

My first interaction there didn’t go too well. I saw a girl who looked cute and was by herself. I told her she looked familiar. She talked to me but in a very dismissive way. I asked her name and for a second, I thought she was going to open up and move past the bitchiness.
But that didn’t last long.  Then she grabbed a guy she knew and told me it was her boyfriend (it obviously wasn’t). Not worth wasting my time on girls like this. So I moved on. Even though it stings a bit to get those type of responses, I didn’t let it phase me too much.

After that I left that club, because I didn’t like the crowd in there. Too young and immature.

I was outside walking to another club and spotted a girl who had just said goodbye to her friends and looked like she was heading home. She was walking in the same direction as me so I walked near her then went over to approach.

Got her attention quickly and she even stopped to talk. Pretty solid interaction with a really cute girl. We kept walking together and chatting for a few minutes. When we got to the end of the street, I stopped again and said I was going the other way and asked if she had an Instagram or Facebook.

She said yes and added me on FB straight away with no hesitation. I gave her a hug and said goodbye. Soon after, she sent me a message saying it was nice to meet me. Which is a really good sign that she messaged me first and quickly.

She was super cute and seemed like a nice girl too so I was pretty happy with this. I’ll follow up with her today and would love to set up a date with her if I can. It was only a pretty short interaction but I was able to create a good impression with her quickly and generate some attraction.

I think I should probably try to do more short interactions like this at night because they’re probably more suited to my style. I often struggle with longer interactions, especially in loud environments. I could probably get a lot of numbers or Facebook’s from these short interactions if I tried to, which I could turn into dates.

Next I went to another nightclub. Talked to some girls a little bit in the line-up. One of the girls from the line walked past me when we got inside and said hello. I should have tried to properly talk to her since she’d initiated conversation with me. But because she was with her friends I let it go. Wasted opportunity. Shame, because she was cute too.

I was on the dancefloor and had two girls right in front of me who were fairly cute. Hesitated for a while then finally talked to one of them. The club was an R&B club and you get a lot of black, Asian and islander people there so I said to her, I feel like I’m too white for this club.

She responded well and laughed. I talked to her friend too, who also responded well. The interaction fizzled out pretty quickly unfortunately. I just couldn’t think of what else to say.

Next one was a Danish girl who was on a pub crawl. I asked her about the pub crawl and just had normal conversation with her. Tried to get close and add it some physicality. She responded fairly well.

Her friend had given her a card to get free drinks with so she asked if I wanted to get a drink. We got a drink together but after that, the interaction fizzled a bit. It was pretty loud and I was struggling to maintain the interaction.

This is the type of interaction that probably would’ve been better to keep to a short interaction instead of letting it drag and go stale. I could’ve seeded plans for later on to get food or something outside the club, where it would’ve been easier to talk.

I think in future, I should go for this short interaction and get number/FB approach then bail. Unless the girl is clearly super into me, then I should stay.

I still got her Facebook when I eventually bailed but it would’ve been a lot more solid if I’d done so earlier at a high point in the interaction.

I went to another nightclub and wondered around for way too long. By this point I was starting to get tired and hungry. These high energy environments can be pretty draining. I think even more so when you’re on your own. I think in future, I should bring some food with me to eat later in the night.

Only interaction there was with a girl who was on her own and I got some eye contact from her and approached immediately. Probably my best ‘instinctive approach’ of the night. I need to be able to do that more consistently – see girl – eye contact – approach immediately.

Went pretty well but nothing amazing. I complimented what she was wearing. I felt pretty confident talking to her. She said to me ‘you’re cute but I need to get back to my friends.’ I asked if she had a phone and suggested we exchange numbers. She said we can do that and gave me her phone to put my number in.

I should’ve got her number as well. Big mistake. But still a decent, quick interaction. She was pretty cute.

I went to one more bar before going home. I was standing by myself, looking at my phone and looked up and saw a girl I know was approaching me. She was in my journal about a month ago, we met at a seminar and then she came to a salsa class with me.

She said hello and gave me a hug. Looked really happy to see me. She asked why I was standing there texting and I told her a was texting her. I had a pretty good chat with her, despite being tired. There was definitely a lot of momentum from previous interactions carrying over.

So overall, the night was definitely an improvement on recent nights out. I’m taking the initiative to make things happen and having some decent interactions.

Still frustrating that I can’t approach girls as consistently as I would like to and missing a lot of opportunities because of that. But at least I’m starting to do something, with some level of consistency.

Even if I can just maintain, the level of approaches and action I’ve done over the past two weekends, my results will start to improve. But I’ll improve a lot faster, if I can increase my action by at least 50%.

I need to become almost paranoid about what I’m missing out on my not going up and talking to girls on these nights out. Develop some serious FOMO. When you do an approach, you’re giving yourself an opportunity for something really cool to happen. Maybe you’ll get a number, makeout, go home with her, date her..

If you don’t approach, there is no chance of that happening. I have probably missed out on so many cool experiences that would have happened if I had just done more approaches.

I also need to remember that simply by approaching, I’m giving myself a decent chance of making something happen. Girls want to meet cool guys when they go out and most guys in an average club are too afraid to approach anyway.

I’m a decent looking guy (by no means the best looking guy in the club) but I look after myself and dress well. And I’m capable of having a fairly good interaction with a girl and doing a lot of things right, if I’m in the right headspace.

So that alone, puts me in a position where I should be able to have multiple good interactions on any given night if I just go and do my approaches.
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