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Bender's Journal: Part 2
I did some in person approaching again over the weekend. 

First one was a girl I saw at the supermarket. Thought she looked amazing when I first saw her and I started to think it would be a great opportunity to do an approach. 

I didn't approach when I first saw her and then I saw her a few more times while I was doing my shopping. When I got to the checkout, I was lining up just behind her. I felt like I just had to try approaching her at that point. Even if I got rejected, I thought that would be better than walking away feeling like a complete pussy for not approaching her.

I got out of the shop first and just waited for her to come out then went in and approached. Definitely felt quite nervous. As the conversation went on, I started feeling more confident but still far from my smoothest. 

Although my approach wasn't terribly strong and her response wasn't overly enthusiastic either, I thought I may as well try to get her contact details. I asked if she'd want to get a drink sometime and unsurprisingly she said she had a boyfriend but thanked me anyway.

A pretty shit approach honestly but still glad I did it instead of just making an excuse not to approach like I normally would. 

Later that day, I went on a boat party with my housemate and a group of girls she knew. 

This was actually a very good location/environment for meeting girls. I had a few drinks before and on the boat, which gave me a bit of extra confidence. 

During the first hour, I spoke to the group of girls that my housemate knew. Most of them didn't look like my type but there was one of them who I thought was really cute. We made eye contact a few times early on and she seemed to be looking over towards me a bit so I thought that was a good sign. 

As the boat party went on, I was able to speak to her a few times. I really wanted to get her contact details before the end of the party so just as it was finishing up, I found her, talked a bit more and then asked for her Instagram. I was pretty happy with that, I'll try to meet up with her again soon. 

The second hour of the boat party, everyone was more relaxed (and more drunk too) so it was quite easy to start approaching other groups. My housemate came with me to help, which was definitely an advantage. As the event went on, I became more comfortable and confident. 

Really should have done more approaches earlier on, I left it a bit late. My best interaction was with a girl who was a bit older than me. By this point I had really warmed up and it was a lot easier talking. She seemed to be investing in the interaction by asking me questions, which was a good sign so I suggested to her that we get a drink sometime. She said that would be good and I got her number. 

Good to get some numbers from in person approaching again. But still a lot of room for improvement with in person approaching. Just not sure whether it's worth actively working on it like I used to or focusing my attention on online dating, where I tend to be much more effective.
Need to make some changes to my approach to all of this. I want to have more time to work on a side project of mine, which I've badly neglected in the past 6 months because online dating has been a bigger focus.

Also the idea of a long term relationship is becoming a lot more appealing. Yes there are advantages to the casual dating I've been doing over the last few years but now I'd like something more.

1. Stop wasting time on girls I'm not that attracted to - A lot of the girls I have talked to and been on dates with in the last few years, I honestly wasn't even very attracted to. But at times, I felt like I didn't have many other options so I kept talking to them anyway. Also I felt like I wanted to get more practice talking to girls on Tinder and going on dates. 

But I'm getting more and better quality matches on online dating now than I ever have really. There's no need for me to spend my time talking to and going on dates with girls who I'm not very attracted to. Better to spend my time on other things.

2. Focus more on long term relationship material - I'm probably not going to pass up the opportunity to go on a date or hook up with an attractive girl even if I don't think there's any potential for a long term relationship. But I shouldn't dedicate too much of my time and energy to these ones. 

3. Evening beach with wine dates - I've done drinks at the bar as my standard first date for so long. It's good but the more I think about it - splitting a bottle of wine with a girl at the beach is even better. There's less distractions, it's more intimate, there's usually not many other people around if you go after dark, much easier to escalate. And I don't live far from the beach so I should make the most of that. 

4. Cut off dating materials - for a long time, I've consumed a lot of dating content from dating and pick up coaches on youtube. I've probably learned some good things from this content. But I feel like a lot of the content is misguided and I'm better off figuring things out myself rather than trying to learn more from these dating 'experts.' 

It's also largely focused on short term dating/hookups, which I'd prefer to move away from.

5. Stop worrying so much about numbers - Ever since I've been working on my dating life, I've had an unhealthy obsession with my numbers - how many girls I've had sex with, how many dates I've been on in the last month, how many girls I've kissed, how many matches I have on tinder.... 

This is probably because it's something I have been insecure about in the past, when these numbers weren't very high. I knew that a lot of guys had kissed more girls than me, had sex with more girls than me... And it really bothered me. As I started getting more results with dating, it made me feel good knowing that these numbers were going up. 

Even recently, I'll have thoughts like 'in 2020 I had sex with X number of girls and I have to beat that in 2021..' Which is really dumb and something I should be able to stop but doesn't seem to be so easy. 

6. More focus on personality development - 

Still torn on whether I should be going out and approaching girls IRL. Right now, I'm getting plenty of leads from Tinder and Hinge and I can barely keep up with those ones. I'm using tinder platinum at the moment which seems to be paying off. 

If I were going out on Friday/Saturday nights, maybe I'd find some girls who I wouldn't on dating apps. But I also waste an awful lot of time everytime I go out. And that time would probably be better spent working on my leads from online dating.
Had three dates within the last week.

Two of them I went to the beach with in the evening and shared a bottle of wine. The other one, I went to a bar with.

Wine on the beach seems to be a good option for dates. It's nice and quiet so it's easy to talk to the girl, without having to compete with loud music, other people talking etc. It's a bit more intimate, you can sit closer to each other. 

I think I'm becoming much more aware of the things I do or don't like in a girl, when I go on these dates recently.

From these three dates, the first girl was easy to carry the conversation with which was good. But her personality was probably a bit too outgoing for me. 

The second girl was a lot less outgoing, much more conservative type of girl. In many ways, I think this type of personality is easier for me to connect with because I'm not a terribly outgoing person myself. I'd say this second girl would be much more relationship material for me than the first girl. But I did feel like this girl would maybe just be a bit too bland. She spent a lot of time asking me very interview style questions, rather than just letting the conversation flow naturally. Possibly she may have just been a little nervous and she would open up more once you get to know her. 

The third girl fell somewhere in the middle between the first two. She was definitely less outgoing than the first girl. But she was a more outgoing and open than the second girl, which was good. 

Out of the three girls, I felt the most attraction to this third girl. I think a big part of this was that there was just more natural chemistry between us than the other two. She also had a more feminine vibe than the first two girls, which I really like and is hard to find in Australia. This girl was Brazilian, which probably explains why she had more feminine vibe than the other two girls who were both Australian. 

Things I did well on the dates
  • Slowed down my speech on dates 2 & 3. I think sometimes I talk a bit fast on dates, which probably makes me sound a bit nervous/uncomfortable
  • Kissed dates 2 & 3. I've been on a lot of dates recently where I haven't even kissed the girl, which I think is generally a huge mistake. I feel like if the girl likes the guy she's on a date with then she's probably hoping he will at least kiss her (correct me if I'm wrong, any girls reading this). If the guy doesn't go for a kiss then I imagine she probably either thinks he's a bit weak or not interested in her. 
  • Humor - I think I did a good job of injecting humor into each of the dates
OmG Bender when you going to settle down, you've shagged more girls than I've had hot dinners Club
(03-28-2021, 05:14 PM)Just Games Wrote: OmG Bender when you going to settle down, you've shagged more girls than I've had hot dinners Club

Hahaha not yet 😂

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