Domestic Abuse and It's Impact

Hi Friends,

Just rambling today. I was thinking about all of the advice I've been given here lately about trying to find good temporary homes for my pets so that I can leave my abusive relationship before my lease ends in the spring. I appreciate all of the advice. <3

I've mentioned that I have a plan to leave in the spring, when my lease is up because I don't want legal trouble for breaking my lease without "cause". There is a law here where I live that a victim can legally break any lease with proof of domestic abuse, but it refers to physical or sexual abuse. In my case it's emotional and verbal abuse.

I'll be honest, if I didn't have my pets with me, I wouldn't survive. Last October, the abuse was at its worst. I don't remember what triggered him, but I found myself sitting on my bed with my head down, listening to him berate me for a good 10 minutes. I felt so defeated and when he started calling me an effing b*tch, I got up and started to walk down the stairs. He followed me down repeating over and over that I was an effing b*tch.

I grabbed my car keys and ran out of the house, and all I could think of was that I wanted to end my life. I couldn't handle the pain anymore. I spent a lot of time on the mountain that day and realized I couldn't leave my pets behind with him or with anyone else. They were my reason to live, I had to find a reason and it certainly wasn't because I wanted to. That was my turning point and I decided on my exit strategy. I don't want legal trouble by breaking my lease. He told me he'd never leave. So this is the best I can do with my situation.

If I didn't have my pets in my life, especially my three dogs, I wouldn't have any strength to leave or to live. When someone you fell in love with bullies you so badly and breaks your spirit like my bf has done, and your only solution to end the pain is to end your life...that to me is something I'm terribly ashamed to admit. And it makes me wonder how I got myself entrenched into this situation where I used to be an independent, strong woman. I'm confused, I don't know if I still love him or if I'm clinging to hope that he still loves me deep down. It's awful.

We are currently in a good cycle where he apologized for everything he'd done the last week. I'm no fool now. I go along with it, but I don't believe it nor do I trust his false promises to change and be a better man. But it makes my life bearable. I know it's just a matter of time before it starts all over again. I'm doing a lot of work on how to cope temporarily. I'm taking advice from people to try to be invisible, to focus on myself and my hobbies. I'm also trying to keep as healthy as I can.

You guys have really helped me here and I hope I can return the favour!

Have you considered talking to your landlord about your situation? Maybe he/she would allow you to leave without legal ramifications, given the circumstances.

TheRealCallie said:

Have you considered talking to your landlord about your situation?  Maybe he/she would allow you to leave without legal ramifications, given the circumstances.

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Yes, I have considered it, often...I'm a little ashamed still to tell anyone in my real life what's going on, but it's on my mind.

I got out of my lease with my ex-husband by calling the police filing for a restraining order while he was in jail (3 days, he got off with a fine because my injuries "weren't significant", I needed more glass in my face apparently)

nibbysaurus said:

I got out of my lease with my ex-husband by calling the police filing for a restraining order while he was in jail (3 days, he got off with a fine because my injuries "weren't significant", I needed more glass in my face apparently)

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That's just grotesque. Its part of the reason I don't trust the Law anymore.

I really don't trust the law unless I get seriously beaten down. I have tried to rely on them, followed through and did what was asked of me in a previous relationship and I got laughed at in court with a magistrate while trying to get a protection order and there were slits in my tires that I took to the police station in the area it happend, NOTHING,,,,,

Of course I am in a hard way now, even 13 years later,,,,,,,,,,,and it sucks, I am married to this person. It seems like I have no rights at all. Everything is his, and I have no bruises or any of that myself. I wonder the same things, when there were warning signs , where was my brain? Why did I think things were okay years ago, and now after being married for four years, I realize things are very NOT okay with my marriage.
I do try and assert myself often, and he just gets louder and tries to use more gaslighting to prove that everything is my fault and he does all of the work required to maintain a marriage and finances..............yeah okay buddy...........for me it is just like you M 1966, it is just a matter of keeping peace, keeping sanity and trying really hard to access things without leaving any traces of where I look online or who I contact and for what I am contacting them...I feel like a spy sometimes.........like he and I are playing that old game Spy Vs. Spy......its a weird way to live