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why bother thinking or feeling any love for others?
#1
I am hurting so much this week. I guess this week shouldn't be better or different than other weeks!

It was my 4th anniversary this week.

I didn't get a card. I didn't get candy. I didn't get a gift or a dinner.

I got how sorry he is all day long about how sorry he is.

I was thinking I would at least get a card, that is what I get for thinking. I should have known that I was going to put in effort again for him, for a big day for us, and get nothing in return. 

a few days later he came down ill and I have been taking care of him with soup and blankets and kleenex changing the trash out, all of the cooking, cleaning, chores, shopping. 

Has anyone been past depleted. What is after you are depleted emotionally and mentally and physically? what then??
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#2
(10-14-2018, 08:39 AM)TammyLynn1972 Wrote: Has anyone been past depleted. What is after you are depleted emotionally and mentally and physically? what then??

You get up tomorrow and start a new day.  One day at a time is all you can do. 

Does he often forget special days?  Could the sickness have played a role in him not remembering?  Was he apologetic after he found out what day it was?
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 
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#3
(10-14-2018, 08:48 AM)Callie,I am not sure that the cold had anything to do with it.He is pretty lazy, not that he forgets, just makes the least amount of effort possible most of the time.You are right about one day at a time.I will get up tomorrow, go to church then go make halloween treats with my nieces.At least they are cheerful Thanks TheRealCallie Wrote:
(10-14-2018, 08:39 AM)TammyLynn1972 Wrote: Has anyone been past depleted. What is after you are depleted emotionally and mentally and physically? what then??

You get up tomorrow and start a new day.  One day at a time is all you can do. 

Does he often forget special days?  Could the sickness have played a role in him not remembering?  Was he apologetic after he found out what day it was?
Reply
#4
Tammy, you know I can relate to what you're going through...Our first year together, he completely forgot my birthday. I had to remind him the next day and he was apologetic, but still didn't do anything, yet I remember all of the holidays and celebrations and I bet if I forgot his birthday, he'd be beyond injured.

You know...it just shows how much of a giving woman you are. He acted like a louse and you STILL took care of him when he needed you. I liken these types of men to a 2 year old child. That's how I see my bf a lot of the time, with his tantrums, his distraction, what he finds important is childish to me at times...and the fact that he whines when he's sick and needs me to take care of him. I don't get sick often, but I know he wouldn't put in the time, effort and comfort that I give him when he's sick.

I hope you have fun with your nieces!
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#5
(10-14-2018, 08:39 AM)TammyLynn1972 Wrote: I am hurting so much this week. I guess this week shouldn't be better or different than other weeks!

It was my 4th anniversary this week.

I didn't get a card. I didn't get candy. I didn't get a gift or a dinner.

I got how sorry he is all day long about how sorry he is.

I was thinking I would at least get a card, that is what I get for thinking. I should have known that I was going to put in effort again for him, for a big day for us, and get nothing in return. 

a few days later he came down ill and I have been taking care of him with soup and blankets and kleenex changing the trash out, all of the cooking, cleaning, chores, shopping. 

Has anyone been past depleted. What is after you are depleted emotionally and mentally and physically? what then??
Hi TammyLynn1972

You know, the first five or six years of my marriage, was a time of adjusting.  I had come from a pretty wild background. Left home at 15, hitchhiked all over the country for years, was a rock n roller and a lot of other things.  My wife's grandmother (now deceased), told her "sweety, you have a mustang by the tail there!".  Shelley put up with a lot from me during those years.  But today, 40 years later, we are closer than we have ever been.  In any relationship thats worth it, upheaval is going to occur. it is a process that is intrinsic to the building of solid, real emotions for one another.  There were times when I said, enough!,can't take anymore!  But thank God, He slapped me in the head and said, get your ignorant butt back there and make that right!  LOL.  We've been married 37 years.  You may have to be the glue for the time being -- but dear, it can yield precious fruit down the line.   I hope this helps
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#6
You don't get anything in return for YOUR (Your?) 4th Anniversary, and suddenly you question feeling love for others?

Either you're having a massive overreaction, or you're just venting, or you're INCREDIBLY entitled.

The world, including everybody in it, doesn't owe you a damn thing OP.
She broke my heart. I didn't like that much. But that was the price. In this world, you get what you pay for.
--Kurt Vonnegut, Cat's Cradle
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#7
I think that thinking or feeling love for others is a gift to yourself.
That’s how I see it at least. Feeling love for others without the notion of needing something in return is great. It leaves me with a much more positive outlook on the world and the people in it.
❤️
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#8
(10-14-2018, 08:39 AM)TammyLynn1972....Hi Tammylynn I can\t say I know what you are feeling or would I even pretent to but being a man myself I would admit sometimes we don't use our head when it comes to the one we love I know you are feeling cheated but try to let him know how it makes you feel that he should be more thoughful about your anniversary and try not to make it into a fight of any kind sometimes we need to get a little push to do the right thing and i'm sure he will make it up to you give him a chance ok...a friend toolman69 Wrote: I am hurting so much this week. I guess this week shouldn't be better or different than other weeks!

It was my 4th anniversary this week.

I didn't get a card. I didn't get candy. I didn't get a gift or a dinner.

I got how sorry he is all day long about how sorry he is.

I was thinking I would at least get a card, that is what I get for thinking. I should have known that I was going to put in effort again for him, for a big day for us, and get nothing in return. 

a few days later he came down ill and I have been taking care of him with soup and blankets and kleenex changing the trash out, all of the cooking, cleaning, chores, shopping. 

Has anyone been past depleted. What is after you are depleted emotionally and mentally and physically? what then??
Reply
#9
(12-02-2018, 10:00 AM)toolman69 Wrote:
(10-14-2018, 08:39 AM)Thanks so much toolman69 more and more things are being revealed to me since i wrote that, it has been almost 2 months, and our life is more stressful due to his shopping addiction, I think part of him missing a day for me was because he is so into himself and his mental diseases, God reveals all things, I am just hanging on for the ride for now, blessings to you! TammyLynn1972....Hi Tammylynn I can\t say I know what you are feeling or would I even pretent to but being a man myself I would admit sometimes we don Wrote: I am hurting so much this week. I guess this week shouldn't be better or different than other weeks!

It was my 4th anniversary this week.

I didn't get a card. I didn't get candy. I didn't get a gift or a dinner.

I got how sorry he is all day long about how sorry he is.

I was thinking I would at least get a card, that is what I get for thinking. I should have known that I was going to put in effort again for him, for a big day for us, and get nothing in return. 

a few days later he came down ill and I have been taking care of him with soup and blankets and kleenex changing the trash out, all of the cooking, cleaning, chores, shopping. 

Has anyone been past depleted. What is after you are depleted emotionally and mentally and physically? what then??
Reply
#10
Hello,
I don't know about relationships but what I do, why we bother to think and feel any love for others, its because it helps us stay human and compassionate at heart, so we do not turn cold and senseless inside, so we do not mistreat others who are good. And for the people you love, I don't know if it should be a give and take only, but also at times to love unconditionally. If love is a bother, then we must try to remember the reason why we start loving in the first plac, the first reasons will help you to understand it better I think.
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