I am lonely, and it's my fault

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Phantimos

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Let's see, I have no friends or a social life of any kind and it's not because I couldn't find any or as a result of crippling social anxiety or lack of social skills. I just don't try. I don't put myself out there for fear of rejection on account of my low self esteem.

When I do get into social situations, I am usually the funny guy. I get peoples interest but I do not follow it up with anything. I just disappear.

Anyone else with a similar struggle? If so, what's your story?
 
I hear you, I feel the same a lot of the time, I get lonely, and want to have friends or other social interactions, but then I think Why? Mine would probably stem more from abandonment issues...I just figure that they will stick around until its not to their benefit, then just leave.

I feel that most people in my life have done this....I am great when they're alone, or need support, but once I have patched their wounds and they feel healthy enough to stand they move on to bigger and better things, and I'm left behind wondering why I'm no longer good enough.

At this point in my life I have decided that the only person I can rely on is my son, he is 10 and one day will go on to live his own life (Which is how it should be) But I just don't want to trust anyone with my heart anymore.
 
Phantimos said:
Let's see, I have no friends or a social life of any kind and it's not because I couldn't find any or as a result of crippling social anxiety or lack of social skills. I just don't try. I don't put myself out there for fear of rejection on account of my low self esteem.

When I do get into social situations, I am usually the funny guy. I get peoples interest but I do not follow it up with anything. I just disappear.

Anyone else with a similar struggle? If so, what's your story?

Hi- How are you today. I hope you are doing great!

I used to be a timid and introvert person. I didn’t have social life because I had fear of rejection. I can smile to people but shy to make follow ups.

But I realized that I cannot live that way because it made me lonely. My cousin used to tell me that I had no reason to be shy but still it’s difficult for me to socialize. After college, someone invited me to church and learned this Bible verse “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.”
It was not easy for me to come out of my shell but through prayers and encouragement, I was able to. It’s fun to be surrounded with friends, I pray that you will be comfortable reaching out to your old friends and make new ones. Thank you for sharing this. Take care.
 
I know exactly where you are coming from; my life was totally disrupted as a child by a parent's death and losing our home. So I grew up not trusting anything and became prey to extreme anxiety and shyness that has impacted on my life since and caused many black episodes and a disconnection from "normal" life, work and social experience.
However, some years ago, after experiencing addiction problems with medication, I just decided, as the previous replier says, that I'd had enough of feeling it was my fault and that I was an unworthy or damaged soul. If one is not careful, one circles constantly, feeling hopeless and dwelling on all the reasons you feel you can't improve. Well, you do have to take the first step out of it because the world is going on without you and surprisingly making the effort to join things and meet folk is never as bad as you think and you will be accepted for the interesting person you really are.
 
Phantimos said:
Let's see, I have no friends or a social life of any kind and it's not because I couldn't find any or as a result of crippling social anxiety or lack of social skills. I just don't try. I don't put myself out there for fear of rejection on account of my low self esteem.

When I do get into social situations, I am usually the funny guy. I get peoples interest but I do not follow it up with anything. I just disappear.

Anyone else with a similar struggle? If so, what's your story?






Phantimos,
Have you ever thought about counselling? This may really help you more than you think. Your doctor can refer you for counselling.
 
Purrfect said:
Phantimos said:
Let's see, I have no friends or a social life of any kind and it's not because I couldn't find any or as a result of crippling social anxiety or lack of social skills. I just don't try. I don't put myself out there for fear of rejection on account of my low self esteem.

When I do get into social situations, I am usually the funny guy. I get peoples interest but I do not follow it up with anything. I just disappear.

Anyone else with a similar struggle? If so, what's your story?






Phantimos,
Have you ever thought about counselling? This may really help you more than you think. Your doctor can refer you for counselling.

I have only just recently started therapy. I have been dealing/denying my depression for 10+ years now. Its been...interesting, I guess. Not feeling any different yet but hey, this stuff takes time so I'll be sticking with it for a while longer, see what happened.
 
Yes! What you guys need is help, counselling, maybe medication but someone, perhaps a professional, to help you get out of the situation you are in. And you have to accept that you will have to make an effort and work with them. It's not easy and it's slow but it's essential that you try because it won't get better by itself. Offering sympathy and comparing miseries is a small comfort but merely reinforces one's sense of worthlessness. You are a worthy as anyone else but you don't feel it because you've become conditioned to think it's hopelss - it isn't but you do have to grasp the first rung of the ladder.
 
Ulysses68 said:
Offering sympathy and comparing miseries is a small comfort but merely reinforces one's sense of worthlessness. 
I dunno about all that man. I personally learn a lot and feel better by reading about other peoples struggles and having them weigh in on mine. As a matter of fact, I met a pretty cool person here by doing so and chatting with her has made me feel a lot better.

I understand what you mean though. Getting caught in a negativity circle-jerk has no positive effect whatsoever.
 
What helps or not is individual.
For some talking is helping them. For some it’s not.
Don’t know why one shoe has to fit every foot out there. 🧐
We all got to be brave and try different things. If it’s a wrong move, go back and reevaluate.
*trying to Jedi some good wibes to all of you* 😋
 
Whatever helps you feel better - do it! Talking and sharing helps but don't get into a discussion of how bad everything is, look for some positive. I've been there but trying to help friends who just endlessly seek agreement with how awful everything is doesn't help. I even know someone who seems to draw comfort from never having to leave the house or socialise because he's "too ill" and has been for years.  I think you have to want to get better and be prepared to try and break the circle.
 
Jessicat said:
What helps or not is individual.
For some talking is helping them. For some it’s not.
Don’t know why one shoe has to fit every foot out there. 🧐
We all got to be brave and try different things. If it’s a wrong move, go back and reevaluate.
*trying to Jedi some good wibes to all of you* 😋

These arent the droids your looking for...lol.
Very true that bit. What helps varies in proportionnate number to how many people are on the globe at the time. Talking helps, sometimes not talking helps. Thing is to find what works best for you, not be afraid to try different things then determine if it helps or not.
I did counseling. Helped at first, but over a longer period, it actually hindered, just because of how I am. It's an exploration.
 
Phantimos said:
Let's see, I have no friends or a social life of any kind and it's not because I couldn't find any or as a result of crippling social anxiety or lack of social skills. I just don't try. I don't put myself out there for fear of rejection on account of my low self esteem.

When I do get into social situations, I am usually the funny guy. I get peoples interest but I do not follow it up with anything. I just disappear.

Anyone else with a similar struggle? If so, what's your story?

You have part of your problem solved already, you can indeed talk to people and be very sociable. The other half is that because of low self esteem you lack follow through. Like everything you need to find motivation to try, this takes time and practice. As long as you find a reason to try, I think you will be all right. So try to find a reason to follow through, make it a point to follow up. All social connections take work and effort from both parties, there is nothing you can do to change that fact. But again I think you will be okay, perhaps you will connect with someone who won't let your lack of follow through effect having a relationship. There are people out there that put forth more effort to retain connections. I have many friends that work harder to be my friend than I do theirs.
 

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