P
Phantimos
Guest
Hey there dude/dudette
I am depressed. Like, can't get out of bed in the morning, trying to find a reason to live, no energy, no motivation. That kind of depressed. Also, sometimes I get these episodes where it gets really bad to the point where I can't summon the energy to move my body at all, accompanied by some really dark thoughts.
I also have low self esteem that I counter balance by thinking that I am better than everyone. I am naturally an aggressive and upfront person but I force myself to be docile, nice, and compatible. I've gotten so good at it that people assume that is who I am.
If you've made it this far you might be asking yourself:"Boy, these sound like somewhat serious issues, I wonder what happened to this guy to make him like this?". In my opinion, not much. I come from a good loving family, we had our issues but what family doesn't. I am not rich but I don't have to worry about money. I have great prospects. I am physically fit, intelligent, and, since I make an effort to be empathetic, quite likable. Then what the duck do I have to be depressed about?.
My therapist recently told me I was a fixer. I focus so much on helping other people that I let my self deteriorate. At first, it was nice and rewarding. Now I am just drained. I feel like everytime I helped someone, every time I absorbed some of their negative energy, more rot made its way into my soul. Not to mention the users and abusers that I gave a pass to. Giving them the benefit of the doubt and letting them gnaw away at me just because I believed(still do) all people are good underneath all the layers of hurt.
Aaaaanyway, you have my thanks and sincere appreciation for making it till the end. Truly, thank you for taking time out of your day to read my rant. I hope it didn't sour your mood too much.
I hate this, I hate who I am, I hate who I am becoming, I hate.
PS: bush did 9/11(a cheers to anyone who gets it)
I am depressed. Like, can't get out of bed in the morning, trying to find a reason to live, no energy, no motivation. That kind of depressed. Also, sometimes I get these episodes where it gets really bad to the point where I can't summon the energy to move my body at all, accompanied by some really dark thoughts.
I also have low self esteem that I counter balance by thinking that I am better than everyone. I am naturally an aggressive and upfront person but I force myself to be docile, nice, and compatible. I've gotten so good at it that people assume that is who I am.
If you've made it this far you might be asking yourself:"Boy, these sound like somewhat serious issues, I wonder what happened to this guy to make him like this?". In my opinion, not much. I come from a good loving family, we had our issues but what family doesn't. I am not rich but I don't have to worry about money. I have great prospects. I am physically fit, intelligent, and, since I make an effort to be empathetic, quite likable. Then what the duck do I have to be depressed about?.
My therapist recently told me I was a fixer. I focus so much on helping other people that I let my self deteriorate. At first, it was nice and rewarding. Now I am just drained. I feel like everytime I helped someone, every time I absorbed some of their negative energy, more rot made its way into my soul. Not to mention the users and abusers that I gave a pass to. Giving them the benefit of the doubt and letting them gnaw away at me just because I believed(still do) all people are good underneath all the layers of hurt.
Aaaaanyway, you have my thanks and sincere appreciation for making it till the end. Truly, thank you for taking time out of your day to read my rant. I hope it didn't sour your mood too much.
I hate this, I hate who I am, I hate who I am becoming, I hate.
PS: bush did 9/11(a cheers to anyone who gets it)
