hitch1983
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 23, 2014
- Messages
- 45
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Came to the realisation im lonely because im boring. I can never get past 2 dates.
When im on a date with a girl i like, i go shy, i try force myself out of it, but i cant really and because of my lifestyle and situation ive nothing really of interest to say.
Im 35, employed with a passion for fitness. I'm not the worst looking guy in the world, but nothing really special. My body helps attract women i think.
The reason im lonely - probably million reasons - probably mostly to do with me, i dunno. I cant get out of the viscous circle. Ive tried (gym classes, church, being more open to things) and ive improved slightly but 90% of time of free time when you exclude work is spent alone.
Why? the conclusion i can think of is, is im boring. Im boring because of loneliness and im lonely because im boring.
Doesnt just apply to potential love interests, it applies to making friends or family.
I feel trapped in my head and body and unable to express myself and when youve suffered this for years, its almost impossible to get out of, because whoever i was before is gone, and all that is left is this boring guy.
The reason ive came to this conclusion, is ive had 2 dates in the past month. Before the dates, i was feeling more confident in myself and trying hard to make a decent life for myself and whilst there was ups and downs, i was doing okish.
THus why i got 2 dates. Ok they were both online dates. But they lived locally for a change, so i was feeling positive about making these dates work.
The first girl, had lunch together, which went ok, got a kiss at the end. (Ive got enough chat in me for one date at least). Then second date was a dinner and activity date in glasgow. This time the mystery about me is gone, and ive nothing left to say about myself thats interesting, so all i can do is ask her questions endlessly. Plus im more awkward because i know ive got nothing left. she picked up on that, and dumped me the next day.
Second girl. Was feeling pretty honeysuckle after that experience but was determined to push through, and by chance i got another opportunity with this second girl. ANother local girl (my dating experiences tend to be long distance, which just doesnt work - but thats another story) But yeah a another local girl. wait for a bus, two come along at once sorta thing.
So asked her out, had dinner, went well as the first, got a kiss at the end of the night. Then things took a different direction. Probably because of her character than anything. But the date with this girl moved pretty fast. We agreed to meet again 2 days later, but ended up meeting the next day, all her doing! So we had a date at my flat and had dinner together, then she spent the night and then the next 3 nights after it. Great you think.
But the whole experience wasnt really true. we were mostly just cuddling up on the sofa watching tv every night we were together. not really connecting, except physically by actual touch. conversation was steered by the tv and bits and pieces about our day at work etc.
WHen we did try to do some proper dates, again it was awkward as the first girl. We tried a lunch time walk and then i took her to glasgow again. Same old story, i had nothing to say. The only thing that survived it as long as it did, was probably because of her and her and her battling whatever things she was going through. Only difference between me and her, is im more desperate to make anything work with a partner than her. eventuality she came to her senses and dumped me after a week of knowing me.
You'll probably say, well maybe your awkward because there just not the right girls for you and i will agree with that. But when your in my situation, anything is a good. because the alternative is a very lonely life and if it keeps going the way it is, i can imagine it only getting worse.
Plus my dating opportunities is limited, i dont have the personality to ask out girls in person, and online dating only offers long distance because of where i live and i cant afford a long distance relationship and no longer want that path anyway.
the second girl gave me a taster of what life could be like with a girl who lives in the same town as me but the next opportunity in that regards could be months if not years away. The last time i got opportunities like this was 10 years ago.
so i feel trapped. how can i stop being boring or do better on dates?
When im on a date with a girl i like, i go shy, i try force myself out of it, but i cant really and because of my lifestyle and situation ive nothing really of interest to say.
Im 35, employed with a passion for fitness. I'm not the worst looking guy in the world, but nothing really special. My body helps attract women i think.
The reason im lonely - probably million reasons - probably mostly to do with me, i dunno. I cant get out of the viscous circle. Ive tried (gym classes, church, being more open to things) and ive improved slightly but 90% of time of free time when you exclude work is spent alone.
Why? the conclusion i can think of is, is im boring. Im boring because of loneliness and im lonely because im boring.
Doesnt just apply to potential love interests, it applies to making friends or family.
I feel trapped in my head and body and unable to express myself and when youve suffered this for years, its almost impossible to get out of, because whoever i was before is gone, and all that is left is this boring guy.
The reason ive came to this conclusion, is ive had 2 dates in the past month. Before the dates, i was feeling more confident in myself and trying hard to make a decent life for myself and whilst there was ups and downs, i was doing okish.
THus why i got 2 dates. Ok they were both online dates. But they lived locally for a change, so i was feeling positive about making these dates work.
The first girl, had lunch together, which went ok, got a kiss at the end. (Ive got enough chat in me for one date at least). Then second date was a dinner and activity date in glasgow. This time the mystery about me is gone, and ive nothing left to say about myself thats interesting, so all i can do is ask her questions endlessly. Plus im more awkward because i know ive got nothing left. she picked up on that, and dumped me the next day.
Second girl. Was feeling pretty honeysuckle after that experience but was determined to push through, and by chance i got another opportunity with this second girl. ANother local girl (my dating experiences tend to be long distance, which just doesnt work - but thats another story) But yeah a another local girl. wait for a bus, two come along at once sorta thing.
So asked her out, had dinner, went well as the first, got a kiss at the end of the night. Then things took a different direction. Probably because of her character than anything. But the date with this girl moved pretty fast. We agreed to meet again 2 days later, but ended up meeting the next day, all her doing! So we had a date at my flat and had dinner together, then she spent the night and then the next 3 nights after it. Great you think.
But the whole experience wasnt really true. we were mostly just cuddling up on the sofa watching tv every night we were together. not really connecting, except physically by actual touch. conversation was steered by the tv and bits and pieces about our day at work etc.
WHen we did try to do some proper dates, again it was awkward as the first girl. We tried a lunch time walk and then i took her to glasgow again. Same old story, i had nothing to say. The only thing that survived it as long as it did, was probably because of her and her and her battling whatever things she was going through. Only difference between me and her, is im more desperate to make anything work with a partner than her. eventuality she came to her senses and dumped me after a week of knowing me.
You'll probably say, well maybe your awkward because there just not the right girls for you and i will agree with that. But when your in my situation, anything is a good. because the alternative is a very lonely life and if it keeps going the way it is, i can imagine it only getting worse.
Plus my dating opportunities is limited, i dont have the personality to ask out girls in person, and online dating only offers long distance because of where i live and i cant afford a long distance relationship and no longer want that path anyway.
the second girl gave me a taster of what life could be like with a girl who lives in the same town as me but the next opportunity in that regards could be months if not years away. The last time i got opportunities like this was 10 years ago.
so i feel trapped. how can i stop being boring or do better on dates?