I don't have any platonic friends

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Unalome

Unalome

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Feb 21, 2016
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I am lonely because none of my ‘friends’ are really my friend. This is a hard situation to explain so I hope it makes sense;

This situation is my own fault, I think it goes back to being a teenager and realising the easiest way to get attention was to be flirty and sexual with people.

I’ve realised this is a cycle I keep going through in my life, whenever I get lonely the only people I end up talking to or hanging out with are people who are hoping to get something from me because of things I’ve said/done in the past. These people only superficially care about me, because it benefits them.

But I can’t seem to stop this! I don’t feel like I know how to make platonic friends with anyone anymore. I’m naturally quite a shy person but I flirt with every new person I meet because it’s the only way I know how to fake confidence.  

I’ve just started living alone and I feel lonelier than ever, I don’t want to stay in this cycle of using sex for company. I’d like some real people to talk to and be friends with. Maybe this site is a good place to start?
 
Hi. 
I sure see myself in your text. Good on you for trying to change that. It’s easy to fall back on old ways so keep strong. I’m hoping you get to the point where you don’t need to use touch and looks to get what you want.
Cheering you on! 🌈
 
This is definitely a good place to find people to talk to, there are some great people on here! I hope you find what you’re looking for!
 
Unalome said:
I am lonely because none of my ‘friends’ are really my friend. This is a hard situation to explain so I hope it makes sense;

This situation is my own fault, I think it goes back to being a teenager and realising the easiest way to get attention was to be flirty and sexual with people.

I’ve realised this is a cycle I keep going through in my life, whenever I get lonely the only people I end up talking to or hanging out with are people who are hoping to get something from me because of things I’ve said/done in the past. These people only superficially care about me, because it benefits them.

But I can’t seem to stop this! I don’t feel like I know how to make platonic friends with anyone anymore. I’m naturally quite a shy person but I flirt with every new person I meet because it’s the only way I know how to fake confidence.  

I’ve just started living alone and I feel lonelier than ever, I don’t want to stay in this cycle of using sex for company. I’d like some real people to talk to and be friends with. Maybe this site is a good place to start?
Click to expand...

Hey there, I think I do this from time to time...I feel I have often confused sex for closeness (Not saying you do this) and because of that when I want to be closer to someone it comes off as sexual flirtation, which in most cases throws up a red flag for the person just wanting to be friends. Do you do this with women too? Maybe a female friend is the way to go if you don't.

In the mean time, feel free to chat here, PM me if you like....not like I can do anything from Florida....nor can you....lol

I hope you're having luck here, everyone is very friendly!
 
Unalome said:
I am lonely because none of my ‘friends’ are really my friend. This is a hard situation to explain so I hope it makes sense;

This situation is my own fault, I think it goes back to being a teenager and realising the easiest way to get attention was to be flirty and sexual with people.

I’ve realised this is a cycle I keep going through in my life, whenever I get lonely the only people I end up talking to or hanging out with are people who are hoping to get something from me because of things I’ve said/done in the past. These people only superficially care about me, because it benefits them.

But I can’t seem to stop this! I don’t feel like I know how to make platonic friends with anyone anymore. I’m naturally quite a shy person but I flirt with every new person I meet because it’s the only way I know how to fake confidence.  

I’ve just started living alone and I feel lonelier than ever, I don’t want to stay in this cycle of using sex for company. I’d like some real people to talk to and be friends with. Maybe this site is a good place to start?

Don't give into the feeling that you need someone because you feel lonely. The best way to deal with loneliness is to make yourself so interesting that company pales in comparison. In that you will also find it much easier to find people who want to be in your life, not because they get something from you, but because you are inspiring. Seek your interests, and passions in life and the people you need in your life will follow.
Click to expand...
 
Unalome said:
I am lonely because none of my ‘friends’ are really my friend. This is a hard situation to explain so I hope it makes sense;

This situation is my own fault, I think it goes back to being a teenager and realising the easiest way to get attention was to be flirty and sexual with people.

I’ve realised this is a cycle I keep going through in my life, whenever I get lonely the only people I end up talking to or hanging out with are people who are hoping to get something from me because of things I’ve said/done in the past. These people only superficially care about me, because it benefits them.

But I can’t seem to stop this! I don’t feel like I know how to make platonic friends with anyone anymore. I’m naturally quite a shy person but I flirt with every new person I meet because it’s the only way I know how to fake confidence.  

I’ve just started living alone and I feel lonelier than ever, I don’t want to stay in this cycle of using sex for company. I’d like some real people to talk to and be friends with. Maybe this site is a good place to start?
Click to expand...

My first reply did something weird and added my reply to the quote of your post, and I wasn't sure you got to see what I had to say. Not that I think it was super helpful or even slightly helpful compared to other responses. However we never know what will spark a thought in our minds, so I'm posting it again with this explanation of the weirdness that occurred.

Don't give into the feeling that you need someone because you feel lonely. The best way to deal with loneliness is to make yourself so interesting that company pales in comparison. In that you will also find it much easier to find people who want to be in your life, not because they get something from you, but because you are inspiring. Seek your interests, and passions in life and the people you need in your life will follow.

If you need to talk message me.
 
I struggle with something similar, I tend to equate sex with acceptance and connection. To me, intimacy (flirting or sex) = connection is an easy and logical argument to make. The thing is, once you get into a truly compassionate, cozy relationship (this is my new favorite relationship description), the level of connection just goes off the charts. I won’t lie, it’s much easier to flirt into a relationship, but as with most things in life, the easy way is not usually the best way.
So how to find such a relationship? You have to put yourself, your personality out there for people to see. Be genuine, be kind, and (in the words of Aladdin’s Genie) “bee yourself”.
I’m always willing to listen, if that will help. Good luck!
 
Sooooo, your flirting straight up prevents you from having real friends?. 

Hmm, either you've been around a lotta horn dogs or you are just an amazing flirt 😂

Not to make light of your issues or anything. Just thought to throw a joke in there.

Welcome to ALL! 😊
 
Okay:
#1: It's definitely NOT your fault.
#2: Welcome to A.L.L. You'll find all sorts of people with different experiences and different directions here. We DO occasionally get hit by trolls, but just ignore those ********, they're pretty easy to spot. Everybody else here though? Pretty goddamn chill. That's part of why I like A.L.L. is that even when we disagree on crap, we're pretty much all here for the exact same reason: There seems to be this (if you will...) vice grip of sorts, kind of painfully tightening itself on society, severing people from one another along the way. Here at A.L.L. you can pretty much just be you. Just be mindful that this is a public forum, and that you should very heavily read over the T.O.S.  and Rules. Definitely don't post anything here you don't want someone to find 3-5 years later down the line kind of a thing.
#3: Have you ever read The Black Iron Prison? Pretty short online book, less than 36 pages. You might like it, it's a pretty well-written commutative dissertation. "Hey, kid. Welcome to Prison." Read the first three short paragraphs, you'll get it...few don't...Here's the link: The Black Iron Prison
 

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