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Phantimos
Guest
Have you ever loved someone so much that you dedicated yourself to them(mind, body, and soul), only to be dropped like yesterday's garbage?
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ardour
Well known loser
The problem is that you over-invested and ended up with a case of oneitus, having fundamentally misunderstood what it is the majority of the opposite sex finds attractive. Things don't work that way. Dedication only matters when it comes from someone they find appealing to start with, and then usually later in the relationship, otherwise it will count against you as desperation and an indicator of low self-esteem.
TheRealCallie
Princess Pink Love
That sounds more like obsession than love. But, as I don't know the full story, I will digress.
I have kind of been in a situation like that, only maybe not. I suppose it depends on how you look at it. It definitely wasn't like that at first, but then he became an alcoholic and abusive and I lost myself, so it was really all about HIM and making sure I didn't lose him, so he got everything he wanted because I didn't matter. Yeah, it was a terrible place to be in. Then he left me, I was destroyed. Now I'm not. Glad he left.
I have kind of been in a situation like that, only maybe not. I suppose it depends on how you look at it. It definitely wasn't like that at first, but then he became an alcoholic and abusive and I lost myself, so it was really all about HIM and making sure I didn't lose him, so he got everything he wanted because I didn't matter. Yeah, it was a terrible place to be in. Then he left me, I was destroyed. Now I'm not. Glad he left.
Guzheng
Well-known member
Lol, I recently loved someone so much that I am still dedicated to them mind, body and soul. I tried to forget about this person and devote myself to other things, but I quickly gave up. Nothing will ever be as important to me as she was (and still is). No one deserves my love as much as she does.
You loved her "dangerously" - how ironic that I didn't perceive the risk I was taking by getting so attached to another person. For the first time ever, I felt secure and hopeful about the future, because I had found (what I thought was) a lifelong companion. I looked forward to decades of happiness with this person, which sadly are never going to materialize.
You loved her "dangerously" - how ironic that I didn't perceive the risk I was taking by getting so attached to another person. For the first time ever, I felt secure and hopeful about the future, because I had found (what I thought was) a lifelong companion. I looked forward to decades of happiness with this person, which sadly are never going to materialize.
Phantimos said:
Yeah I assume this happens to everyone at some point. Was this your first serious relationship, or first one you felt serious about? If not then you should know how to get over it, keep busy and time. It sucks I know, but before you invest everything you must be sure they feel the same. Never go in headlong and head strong, lead with logic, feel with the heart.
Danielle
Well-known member
My first real love, was that kind of love... I don't know if it was obsession, but yes, I know the feelings you are talking about. He cheated on me, and he was never all that great to me to begin with, but yet, I loved everything about him. I think that relationship shaped how I approached other relationships for a long, long while.
This was over 20 years ago, we were together for 4 years, I learned so much about myself, what I will allow in a relationship and how to handle myself from healing from that relationship.
Its been over 20 years, and now, we send monthly texts, chat about our families, and have learned to be friends after all of that time! Pretty amazing!
This was over 20 years ago, we were together for 4 years, I learned so much about myself, what I will allow in a relationship and how to handle myself from healing from that relationship.
Its been over 20 years, and now, we send monthly texts, chat about our families, and have learned to be friends after all of that time! Pretty amazing!
user 150037
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It sounds like I'm lucky in some areas - at least being a 'relationship virgin' means that I've never been hurt by someone that I loved that much.
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Phantimos
Guest
Danielle said:
Do you still think about him?
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Phantimos
Guest
ardour said:
I should clarify, while now I am sure what she felt for me was more infatuation than love, she was emotionally and physically attracted to me. So it wasn't a one sided thing.....i wish it were.
Danielle
Well-known member
Phantimos said:
Phantimos, No, I don't think of him at all. That's the good thing about time, as it passes, feelings truly do fade away. I NEVER thought I would get over him, not ever at all... but I truly am over him, and once in a while, I'll see a post of his on Facebook, or a happy birthday message shared between us, and I an happy that he has a nice life with a great family, and I am building mine..
so, no.... I don't think about him , nor miss him in anyway.
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Phantimos
Guest
Its nice to hear you moved on with your life. It also gives me hope for my situation so, thank you for sharing Danielle.Danielle said:
user 139760
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It's happened to me. It's far from a funfeeling. Though I wouldnt necessarily say I was dropped like garbage, upon dispassionnate self-reflection, there are many things I could have done differently to improve the relationship. While I do believe the outcome was unfair, it wasn't entirely unwarranted.
Regardless, I took it as a learning experience on what to do differently. Of course, almost 11 years latter, I do still miss her. My only wish is that she finally found the happiness she deserved.
Regardless, I took it as a learning experience on what to do differently. Of course, almost 11 years latter, I do still miss her. My only wish is that she finally found the happiness she deserved.
On Raglan Road on an autumn day I met her first and knew
That her dark hair would weave a snare that I might one day rue;
I saw the danger, yet I walked along the enchanted way,
And I said, let grief be a fallen leaf at the dawning of the day.
On Grafton Street in November we tripped lightly along the ledge
Of the deep ravine where can be seen the worth of passion's pledge,
The Queen of Hearts still making tarts and I not making hay -
O I loved too much and by such and such is happiness thrown away.
I gave her gifts of the mind I gave her the secret sign that's known
To the artists who have known the true gods of sound and stone
And word and tint. I did not stint for I gave her poems to say.
With her own name there and her own dark hair like clouds over fields of May
On a quiet street where old ghosts meet I see her walking now
Away from me so hurriedly my reason must allow
That I had wooed not as I should a creature made of clay -
When the angel woos the clay he'd lose his wings at the dawn of day.
Patrick Kavanagh
That her dark hair would weave a snare that I might one day rue;
I saw the danger, yet I walked along the enchanted way,
And I said, let grief be a fallen leaf at the dawning of the day.
On Grafton Street in November we tripped lightly along the ledge
Of the deep ravine where can be seen the worth of passion's pledge,
The Queen of Hearts still making tarts and I not making hay -
O I loved too much and by such and such is happiness thrown away.
I gave her gifts of the mind I gave her the secret sign that's known
To the artists who have known the true gods of sound and stone
And word and tint. I did not stint for I gave her poems to say.
With her own name there and her own dark hair like clouds over fields of May
On a quiet street where old ghosts meet I see her walking now
Away from me so hurriedly my reason must allow
That I had wooed not as I should a creature made of clay -
When the angel woos the clay he'd lose his wings at the dawn of day.
Patrick Kavanagh
Danielle
Well-known member
Phantimos said:
You're welcome... I can tell you this..100%, you will get over her. It hurts and sucks for a while, but time heals all wounds. You won't forget her, but when you do think of her, it won't be full of pain and sorrow. There have been a few people I never thought I would ever get over, but I did....
Go with your feelings for now, but when you feel ready and enough time has passed for you, you can get back out in the world and do your thing!
Like I said, There are people I never thought I would get over, I never thought I would move on and have any kind of life without them. I wanted kids, a house, the whole thing... and I wasn't getting it, and I thought my life was over.
I met someone about 6 years ago, kept it casual for a while.... ended up moving in together, and just before my 40th birthday, I found out I was pregnant! Now we have a beautiful 8 month old baby girl.... So, the things you want in life will happen, just some times we have to wait for the right people and the right time. I'm not spiritual or anything, but I do think everything happens for a reason....
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Phantimos
Guest
You know what's so messed up?. Despite how unfairly she treated me, despite all the mental anguish I went through on a daily basis for her, despite all the empty sorries and platitudes, despite her dishonest love. Some part of me still wishes that, by some twist of fate, we would be brought back together. Like one of those"oh it was always meant to be" type moments. Complete with doves, roses, and mini-cupids shooting arrows up my ass.
