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Recently alienated when I tried to make friends via meetup.com
#1
I had never previously made that much of an effort to make friends due to - not only my social awkwardness - but also the fact that I'm an adult who looks like a scrawny teenager due to hormone deficiency.  But a few months ago, I joined meetup.com - and through them - found someone who was starting a whatsapp group.

I went to a couple of meetups - it was alright.  But then I said something on the actual whatsapp page - just about being generally curious about the people who had joined, but never posted.  I was curious about those people, and wanted to see if I could perhaps get talking to them - cos afterall I might have had something in common with them.  Of course people took it to mean that I was complaining that they never post anything.

Before I knew it I was getting lots of negative messages - and despite the fact that I explained that my message was in no way malicious - some were still a bit funny with me.  One person who I'd previously got on well with, saying that they're not comfortable joining any events that I go to.  Because of this, I left the group.

Even now, I'm incredibly anxious about not saying something that might upset people.

Has anybody else had any bad experiences?
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#2
Yeah same here I just came to the conclusion meeting people is impossible
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#3
Did something happen? Hope you don't mind me asking.
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#4
Some feel the need to reinforce their bond with others by picking on someone. Like a pack attack. That’s the stuff your supposed to do when your a child, learn a lesson from it and never do it again. 
I was not popular among the girls in my school so I got a lot of that. It didn’t bother me but made me wonder why they didn’t like me. Felt it was so much easier to hang with guys. Being friends with girls was all about hurting someone, bullying and gossip. 
Maybe my school was a particular girl hell hole. 😝
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#5
I think that one of the social rules can sometimes be to agree anyway, even if you don't. I think it's important to be true to self, but this can also come at a cost, when you suggest anything that goes against the flow, when what you think or say stirs uncomfrotable emotions in others - or when it challenges their very existance - any of these situations can cause 'social difficulties'.

I lost a lot of freinds simply by saying I was moving, because the friends I had did not or could not understand why I would want to, I think it challenged the life they have 'settled' for, and instead of wishing me well, like I do them, I was viewed as crazy, not normal or above my station maybe, or that its me thats the problem not my surroundings, happiness comes from within right? Whatever it was - I was not offered any support and I was dropped without a second thought. I'm ok with this as these relationships were superficial anyway, and I'm at a stage in my life where I value my time greatly, so I can only really be with those who accept me just the way I am.

I remember the sheer look of horror on all their faces once when they were discussing the head and I said, oh that has not been my expereince at all, she's only ever be kind and supportive. It was social suicide because to be in the group was to also take umbrage with the head whenever this discussion took place - I'd clearly missed the memo lol.

What you did sounds like no biggie to me, like you say, you were trying to extend yourself to those who you sensed may be struggling too, I agree with what J says, sounds like a pack mentality, driven by fear and the need to be belong. It sounds pretty horrible how you were turned on like that.

I think being a friend is to know when it is one of those times he/she is seeking support or when they really need you to be honest and upfront, call them out even - I've always found this tough to gage, but I have learnt to never voice my opinion unless it is asked for with anyone - eventually anyway; I think you need to know a person well before you can be totally open and honest but even then compassion and diplomacy is still always needed.

Addressing this issue head on as you did maybe felt too exposing for those you were interested in? Perhaps face to face, individually might have been the way forwards? Sounds like you were maybe not yet established in the group and were maybe seen as too challenging? This is the category I have often fallen into myself, but it can help a person weed out the true friends. I think if you'd had one person in the group who got it, got what you did and why, laughed it off with you, then I think you'd have been ok, you'd have formed a sort of sub group within the group and maybe found a true friend.

In all the groups I have joined, and there's been alot for differing reasons, Ive probably only ever walked away with a friend on the odd occassion - hope this experience hasn't put you off trying because its kind of a numbers game and having a good friend is needed. Whenever each of puts ourself out there we always risk being rejected, that's just how it is for everyone. The trick is to keep going anyway x
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#6
How dare you speak your mind! Lol 😂
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#7
(11-18-2018, 08:29 AM)Jessicat Wrote: How dare you speak your mind! Lol 😂
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#8
Hope you got that joke. 😋
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#9
(11-18-2018, 09:22 AM)Jessicat Wrote: Hope you got that joke. 😋

Course!  Big Grin

(11-18-2018, 09:41 AM)Twiggy Wrote:
(11-18-2018, 09:22 AM)Jessicat Wrote: Hope you got that joke. 😋

Course!  Big Grin

'bad to the bone' me lol x

(11-18-2018, 09:41 AM)Twiggy Wrote:
(11-18-2018, 09:22 AM)Jessicat Wrote: Hope you got that joke. 😋

Course!  Big Grin

(11-18-2018, 09:41 AM)Twiggy Wrote:
(11-18-2018, 09:22 AM)Jessicat Wrote: Hope you got that joke. 😋

Course!  Big Grin

'bad to the bone' me lol x

What is life without a little bit of stirring now then lol
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#10
On the day I was born
The nurses all gathered 'round
And they gazed in wide wonder
At the joy they had found
The head nurse spoke up
And she said leave this one alone
She could tell right away
That I was bad to the bone

*singing out loud* 😎
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