Being different

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Do you ever feel "different" from others? Do you try to talk to people and they just push you away like you're a freak? I get that a lot. I'm in my mid twenties and I get a weird vibe from people. I always seem to attract the wrong people and I don't know why I can't be attractive to people without giving them the wrong idea? I mean I'm human but I'm very empathetic and I know who I like and who to stay away from. That might creep people out but I'm very intuitive, so that's another reason why I can't make friends. I feel like such a freak. 🙃
 
Yes, I know what you feel. I too feel myself as a "different". Most of people will never understand or accept me.

It seems I understand you very well.
 
I get where your coming from with the empathy thing. Also being very accepting, nonjudgmental, and nurturing tends to attract people with negative energies as it feeds their need for validation. Before you know it, their energy starts to poison you and you just wind up feeling shitty.

Sorry if I didn't add anything to the conversation or my words don't make much sense. My mind is pretty scattered right now.
 
Phantimos said:
being very accepting, nonjudgmental, and nurturing tends to attract people with negative energies

It has sense. It means we have to change ourselves and exclude these features from our characters in order to give no chance for negative people.
 
There is the problem. Like me, being intuitive lets you see in people what others don't. The vast majority of people are fake as in the saying "a face for in doors and a face for out"  Being very intuitive makes it easy to spot and sense peoples fake & over the top friendliness or not so honourable intentions. Of course some intuitive folk with an alternative manipulating agenda will ignore this overt falseness for their own gains.

But generally these folks  let themselves down in a very short time & their mask slips.

I have found. That miserable grumpy old git types like me are the ones to seek solace even though your first impression may be not positive. They don't need to pretend to be anything, They are true to themselves and not trying to fool anyone and once you get through the hard shell you'll find a soft centre

but saying all that I think there is a distinction between first impressions and intuition...Sometimes you need to ignore the first impression to let your intuition do its magic

I have often in the past judged someone as an *******, Only later to find out they are in fact top people....
 
I have been pushed away in the past. I felt like it was because they were elitist jerks who just so happened to be the "right" kinds of people, and I just so happened to be the "wrong" kind of person. That was my perspective.

Their perspective was, because of my interests, personality, and abilities or lack thereof, I didn't bring any value to the group. People acted like they were better than me, treated me haughtily and coldly, talked to me like I was stupid, treated me like I was inferior. I hated it. It made me so angry, I was like, who are you to decide this. Who are you to judge me. You're just people, not higher beings, you make mistakes and fail sometimes too. You just so happened to be able to be the kind of person that gets arbitrarily placed on top of the pecking order. I'm not here to be your dancing clown, why should I care if I create value for you? You get to be here for yourself, well I'm here for myself. Why does only what you want matter, why do you get priority over me? Just because of popular opinion? Why do you get treated like you're better than me? It's all shallow and superficial, it's all just dumb luck, screw this.

My difference seemed to be a lack of natural ability, but also just not being as cold and antagonistic as a lot of other people. Being friendly and agreeable and curious instead of competitive.

As a kid, I could walk away from the social pecking order game and do what I liked. But as I grew up, and started needing to make money, and started wanting to attract a woman, this strategy of just doing my own thing and doing what makes me happy and not caring about the game that I felt I couldn't play anyway, and not caring about impressing others, stopped working.

Now I don't know what to do. The idea that I'm an inherently worthless person, and therefore it is right that I was treated like crap, pisses me off. But I still don't feel like I have any abilities, any high cards. I feel like I wasn't dealt the right stuff randomly. But to be anything other than the lowest thing in the world, and to impress others which seems to be what you have to do to get to the good life, you have to have some kind of ability. You have to create value for the group, you have to play the game that I've always felt unable to play, and therefore I was shut out. Like I said I always hated the way I was treated, and I wanted to prove them wrong, hit back somehow, wanted to scratch back a win on them somehow and throw it back in their face, but I didn't seem to have any kind of ability or advantage anywhere. I don't know.
 
Ska Fish:  How in the world did you come up with that name?  I think all of these feelings stem from "our families" ones who raised us or not and we spent years working out the creases in order to understand it all. Why I spoke to a friend today (50 year friend) she is 94 and I compared notes with her and you would be surprised on how much you say that we have in common with and it all boils down to the fact that we did not have a chance--no examples--no help--and not the right kind of love in our life----like a deserted ship that just floats there...You not the only one for there are millions of us worldwide..Thanks for the posting..priscella
 
priscella said:
Ska Fish:  How in the world did you come up with that name?  I think all of these feelings stem from "our families" ones who raised us or not and we spent years working out the creases in order to understand it all. Why I spoke to a friend today (50 year friend) she is 94 and I compared notes with her and you would be surprised on how much you say that we have in common with and it all boils down to the fact that we did not have a chance--no examples--no help--and not the right kind of love in our life----like a deserted ship that just floats there...You not the only one for there are millions of us worldwide..Thanks for the posting..priscella

I just...got the idea of a fish that listens to ska.  Glad you like it  :)

I agree, there's probably a lot of people that fall into feeling like this, for some reason or another.  For me, my family wasn't the source of these negative feelings I had about both myself and the world.  I had a good home.  It was more of school, and my own thoughts on people that succeeded in life, top performers, people that made a lot of money, or just people who seem to get good at things without trying, people who seemed to just pick something up and "get it".  I felt like I was very much unlike the "winners", who seemed like a different species than me. Things didn't come easily to me, like I felt they did for others. I didn't seem to have any kind of a knack for anything.  So I felt like I must be one of life's "losers".

And it was my peers too, and where I fit in with them.  More like, I didn't.  To fit in, you had to prove yourself, you had to compete.  I felt like I didn't have enough of anything - smarts, looks, strength and coordination, cunning and quick-thinking, and even ideas - in order to be treated well.  Because of my interests I probably seemed immature and behind, but it was what was available to me and it's what made me happy, and I thought I was "being myself" which was what I thought I was supposed to be.  I didn't have common interests, cultural references, didn't get their jokes, didn't share their attitude, which seemed like it was usually pretty mean-spirited.  That was another thing, I felt like there was some connection between being a "mean person" and being a "winner", and being a "nice person" and being a "loser".  And since being mean didn't come naturally to me and I didn't fit in with those people, again, I felt like it was another indication that I was a loser. I just didn't have any kind of instinct for playing the social game, any kind of natural knowing of what to think, say, and do to be popular and attractive.

I hope this wasn't too off-topic, but for me, that was the source of a lot of my feelings of being "different".  Lately I've been starting to feel like I think about things like class, haves and have-nots, winners and losers, and stuff like that too much, and it probably makes me sound less interesting and fun than I could be.

On another note, it's cool you have a 94 year-old friend, and you are having active discussions.  I hope you both continue to be well.  Thanks for sharing your story.

Cheers,

Ska Fish
 

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