priscella said:
Ska Fish: How in the world did you come up with that name? I think all of these feelings stem from "our families" ones who raised us or not and we spent years working out the creases in order to understand it all. Why I spoke to a friend today (50 year friend) she is 94 and I compared notes with her and you would be surprised on how much you say that we have in common with and it all boils down to the fact that we did not have a chance--no examples--no help--and not the right kind of love in our life----like a deserted ship that just floats there...You not the only one for there are millions of us worldwide..Thanks for the posting..priscella
I just...got the idea of a fish that listens to ska. Glad you like it
I agree, there's probably a lot of people that fall into feeling like this, for some reason or another. For me, my family wasn't the source of these negative feelings I had about both myself and the world. I had a good home. It was more of school, and my own thoughts on people that succeeded in life, top performers, people that made a lot of money, or just people who seem to get good at things without trying, people who seemed to just pick something up and "get it". I felt like I was very much unlike the "winners", who seemed like a different species than me. Things didn't come easily to me, like I felt they did for others. I didn't seem to have any kind of a knack for anything. So I felt like I must be one of life's "losers".
And it was my peers too, and where I fit in with them. More like, I didn't. To fit in, you had to prove yourself, you had to compete. I felt like I didn't have enough of anything - smarts, looks, strength and coordination, cunning and quick-thinking, and even ideas - in order to be treated well. Because of my interests I probably seemed immature and behind, but it was what was available to me and it's what made me happy, and I thought I was "being myself" which was what I thought I was supposed to be. I didn't have common interests, cultural references, didn't get their jokes, didn't share their attitude, which seemed like it was usually pretty mean-spirited. That was another thing, I felt like there was some connection between being a "mean person" and being a "winner", and being a "nice person" and being a "loser". And since being mean didn't come naturally to me and I didn't fit in with those people, again, I felt like it was another indication that I was a loser. I just didn't have any kind of instinct for playing the social game, any kind of natural knowing of what to think, say, and do to be popular and attractive.
I hope this wasn't too off-topic, but for me, that was the source of a lot of my feelings of being "different". Lately I've been starting to feel like I think about things like class, haves and have-nots, winners and losers, and stuff like that too much, and it probably makes me sound less interesting and fun than I could be.
On another note, it's cool you have a 94 year-old friend, and you are having active discussions. I hope you both continue to be well. Thanks for sharing your story.
Cheers,
Ska Fish