Paul Bauman
Well-known member
- Joined
- Nov 14, 2018
- Messages
- 59
- Reaction score
- 1
Being a new user on this forum, I think I have to introduce myself.
I am a man and my name is Paul.
I am 28 years old.
I live in Russia and my native language is Russian.
I hardly finished school and have no decent education.
I worked as a laborer since 18 to 26 years.
I do not work since 2016. And do not want.
I have my own flat which I rent out. Now it is my only way to earn money. But this money is enough only for survival.
I live with my brother in a flat of my parents. I do not communicate with my brother at all. We are too different. My parents live in other cities.
Our town is small, isolated and full of unfriendly people. I have many occasional acquaintances but have no true friends which could really understand me. Also it is hard to find a job here.
And of course, I do not have a girlfriend. Moreover, I have never had one in my life. I am not rich, not successful, not very handsome and have no charisma, so I have no chance to get a girl. And the older I become the more clearly I realize: I will never have one and forever will be alone.
I am shy, closed, introverted, not very talkative, partially a flegmatic, partially a melancholic, and my character is too meak that is not helpful in this tough world.
I am tired of material hardships and unfriendly people.
When I was younger I had been feeling constant unhappiness, deep sadness, melancholy and depression. Sometimes I was feeling such keen yearning and despair that I cannot express: why did all they abandon me and what should I live for? During many sleepless nights I was thinking about suicide and about sweet death. But all these emotions and feelings now are burned and evaporated.
Now I feel just tiredness, inner emptiness and calmness.
I do not try to escape from loneliness because I believe it is impossible. Loneliness will last forever so I must learn how to live with it.
I realize I will never find a girlfriend, and love itself have lost all sense for me, and the word "love" must be excluded from my lexicon: it does not exist: it has never been existed and will never be existing.
No hope to find understanding friends in real life. They are too different, they do not understand me and do not accept me: I am an outsider in their society. So I am trying to find good communication on the internet. Internet forums are my last opportunity for communication and socialization. That is why I came here.
Hello.
I am a man and my name is Paul.
I am 28 years old.
I live in Russia and my native language is Russian.
I hardly finished school and have no decent education.
I worked as a laborer since 18 to 26 years.
I do not work since 2016. And do not want.
I have my own flat which I rent out. Now it is my only way to earn money. But this money is enough only for survival.
I live with my brother in a flat of my parents. I do not communicate with my brother at all. We are too different. My parents live in other cities.
Our town is small, isolated and full of unfriendly people. I have many occasional acquaintances but have no true friends which could really understand me. Also it is hard to find a job here.
And of course, I do not have a girlfriend. Moreover, I have never had one in my life. I am not rich, not successful, not very handsome and have no charisma, so I have no chance to get a girl. And the older I become the more clearly I realize: I will never have one and forever will be alone.
I am shy, closed, introverted, not very talkative, partially a flegmatic, partially a melancholic, and my character is too meak that is not helpful in this tough world.
I am tired of material hardships and unfriendly people.
When I was younger I had been feeling constant unhappiness, deep sadness, melancholy and depression. Sometimes I was feeling such keen yearning and despair that I cannot express: why did all they abandon me and what should I live for? During many sleepless nights I was thinking about suicide and about sweet death. But all these emotions and feelings now are burned and evaporated.
Now I feel just tiredness, inner emptiness and calmness.
I do not try to escape from loneliness because I believe it is impossible. Loneliness will last forever so I must learn how to live with it.
I realize I will never find a girlfriend, and love itself have lost all sense for me, and the word "love" must be excluded from my lexicon: it does not exist: it has never been existed and will never be existing.
No hope to find understanding friends in real life. They are too different, they do not understand me and do not accept me: I am an outsider in their society. So I am trying to find good communication on the internet. Internet forums are my last opportunity for communication and socialization. That is why I came here.
Hello.