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OpalNera

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Hi all, my name's Kelly and I'm in Australia.

I've always felt quite lonely; I don't have any friends - probably due to my depression and anxiety, I have real issues making conversation with people. This has never really been too much of an issue as I'm more of an introvert but this year my husband has started to pull away. He used to be really affectionate and told me daily that he loved me (and vice versa). Now it seems that I'm always the instigator; he doesn't really want to be with me or the kids, he'd rather be in the garage or off camping. I have genuine concerns he's thinking of leaving or is having an affair as I've noticed he's started hiding his phone; and I only noticed this as I went to ask him something while he was texting and he turned the phone away from me... he's never done that before.

I have no one to talk to about anything so I'm hoping I can find some shoulders here and maybe be one for others as well
 
It's a difficult position to be in, especially when you feel like there's no one close by to talk to. I experienced the same thing years ago when I was married. After 10 years I guess she just decided she preferred to go out with friends rather than be married with kids. I noticed the same secretive phone calls out of earshot.  After trying to talk to her and getting nothing positive in return I just called it quits and moved on.
I'm not saying he's doing anything but I'd be wondering too. About all you can do is try to get him to open up to you, maybe counseling. But obviously if he isn't a willing participant you may have some choices to make for yourself.  Other than this I couldn't advise you but if you continue to reach out in this forum there very well could be someone who can help you in some more meaningful way.
I'm a firm believer that if you make the choice to be married then you owe it to your family to commit to keeping it as healthy a partnership as possible. If you're not going to do that, then at least don't make it more difficult for the others affected by your decision to back out.  Welcome and best wishes.
 
Hi Kelly, Just want to welcome you here. There seems to be many intelligent, helpful and kind people in this forum so maybe you came to the right place. I too suffer from depression and anxiety and would like someone to chat with. If you’d like PM me and we’ll take it from there. Take care.
 
If it was me I'd do some inquiring and basically spying to find out what my spouse was up to before I delivered an ultimatum, or even a direct question. There might be another reason entirely for the secretiveness with the phone.
The no friends thing? Depression and anxiety? We're both in pretty much the same boat there.
 
Hi Kelly  :)

I know exactly what you're going through. Been there, done that and got the T-Shirt.
 
Hi all,

Thank you for all the feedback. I went awol after joining as I found out he was having an affair. He says they weren't sleeping together but I found their messages; lots of I love you's, I wish I was married to you; he called her his queen, she was calling him her sunshine; a fair amount of sexting, a "usual" spot where they meet up.

The kicker is apparently it's all my fault so go me I guess.
 
Its not your fault at all. He chose to have an affair. He chose to hurt you. That's on him not you. If he felt that there are problems in the relationship he should of spoken to you about it instead of lying and cheating. I hope you are ok and if you want to talk feel free to message me. I've been in a similar situation except we weren't married. We had been together for 7 years though.
 

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