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What's Left?
#1
I have been struggling with low self-esteem for over 15 years. I honestly don't think I ever had it to begin with. It started off with family and followed me through school. I can't seem to change. I've tried coping mechanisms, group therapy, and regular therapy, and nothing helps. I can't seem to change how I see or feel about myself. Anyone can say what they want but I'm never going to see different. What's left for me at this point? Am I just going to have to go my entire life hating myself?
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#2
Forgive me if I'm being blunt, but I think that saying that you 'hate' yourself is a little extreme.

Are you a serial killer? Are you a rapist? Do you blow up tube trains filled with commuters the name of religion? Do you bully the less-fortunate, or get angry with someone when they don't do things your way? Do you lie? Cheat? Steal?

I hate the fact that I didn't go through puberty when I should have done; for this reason I look freakishly young for my age. And it makes it very difficult for me to have social and romantic relationships. But I don't 'hate' myself for it, because it's something that's out of my control. When i feel low I compare myself to the people in this world who do all the above mentioned things - and it does help me to feel better about myself.

If you don't fall into any of those above categories, then you're definitely one of the best of humanity. The only advice I can offer is, focus on the small things that bring you joy. Hope to see more of you on the forums, and look forward to seeing your personal opinions on the threads.

Ta-ta for now Smile
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#3
(12-03-2018, 06:31 PM)NYLovely Wrote: I can't seem to change how I see or feel about myself. Anyone can say what they want but I'm never going to see different. What's left for me at this point? Am I just going to have to go my entire life hating myself?

"I can't"
"never going to see different"
"What's left"
"Hate myself"

Do you want to be any different? Doesn't really sound like it with the words you chose to use. I mean, you go through the motions, but how much effort do you really put in?  Of course, most people don't want to live their life in a decreased state of self worth, but I've also noticed that most people (myself included at one time) are terrified to change.  What if I put in all that work and change how I see myself and nothing changes?  So it's kind of easier to just stay how you are.  Why bother changing yourself if nothing else is going to change?  Or what if it's even worse?
Of course there are other reasons and/or excuses and some are even more difficult to overcome, but usually, it lies within yourself.  No one can help you if you won't help yourself.  Change how you perceive yourself.  Stop looking at yourself through your own eyes and start trying to see yourself through other people's eyes, people who care about you.  

Everything you said was negative, tell us something positive.  Hell, screw us, tell yourself something positive.
Want to talk?  Check out the CHAT ROOM 

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#4
Ironically self-esteem seems to really depend on others. If we perceive that others don't value us me have low self-esteem. If we compare ourselves to others and find ourselves wanting we have low self-esteem. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling vicious cycle: you expect to fail and subconsciously set yourself up to fail. One thing you can try is switching jobs. Sometimes putting yourself in a different environment with different people can shake the system up.
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#5
(12-05-2018, 02:36 PM)Black Manta Wrote: Ironically self-esteem seems to really depend on others. If we perceive that others don't value us me have low self-esteem. If we compare ourselves to others and find ourselves wanting we have low self-esteem. Then it becomes a self-fulfilling vicious cycle: you expect to fail and subconsciously set yourself up to fail. One thing you can try is switching jobs. Sometimes putting yourself in a different environment with different people can shake the system up.

This sounds great.

I think I've complimented another post of yours in the past. Can't remember what it was now.
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#6
I used to have severe low self esteem, that crippled my social life. To quote Black Manta, self-esteem has a lot to do with other people. We seem to need our self worth validated by others. Not everyone needs this of course, but many of us do. And when we grow up not receiving enough of this validation, or the opposite (bullying, being insulted, comparing self to others etc), we develop low self esteem.

Some things that helped me was changing my job to become a teacher and volunteering. Knowing that my actions can make a difference in an animal's life or a child's life makes me feel valuable. I also dropped toxic people and only engage with people who treate me with respect and kindness.

I wouldn't say I'm completely confident now, but I think to truly develop a better self esteem, one needs to surpass needing this validation from others. It sort of has to come from inside you, this sense that you're of value, regardless of what society/individuals say/think. What helped me the most was meditation and yoga. With yoga, I came to appreciate my body and with meditation, I guess I looked within and not beyond. It's like people and their opinions matter less and less each day.


But before you can even work on your self esteem, you have to rid yourself of self hatred. Why do you hate yourself? Have you done something so terribly unforgivable? If it not, if you've made less extreme mistakes, can you make amends? Or if it's stuff about you that you don't like, could you list them out and change them one by one?


I'm not sure if any of this helps, but I do hope you feel better about yourself soon.
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#7
Hi - have just read this and would just like to reinforce what the other responders have said. In particular what Amelia said struck a chord - I think my default position is to doubt myself and to worry about my worth but involving myself in sport (both playing and volunteering) and volunteering in the community really help, both for physical and mental confidence and knowing that what I do can make a difference  to others. Sometimes it does feel like running in order to stand still but it's absolutely worth it . Find something that you think you will enjoy and make that leap. And if you don't enjoy that try something else until you do - and as others have said  unless you have actually done something really bad you are not a bad person, just a human being, with the capacity and capability to do something about it. I know that thinking about doing something and actually doing it are two different things but hope you can find that strength to make a change and feel better about yourself
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