I'm new here.
F 22 and from Kentucky.
I googled something about being really lonely and came across this forum. I decided to join in hopes that I'll find people to talk to.
Really struggle with talking to people no matter if it's in real life or online. Doesn't matter if it's anonymous or not. I don't have any friends and just spend most of my time on the internet. I can't even think of the last time I left my house. It all started when I was around 16 and my anxiety got really bad. I stopped talking to my friends, stopped going anywhere except for school, really withdrawn. I pushed everyone away and now there's no one left. It's my fault. It got worse and worse until now. I know there are people that would talk to me if I could try but I just don't even know how to anymore. I avoid everyone yet at the same time desperately wish I had someone. I just want someone to touch me and no I'm not meaning that in a sexual way. I just feel like a ghost or like I'm invisible. Most days it just feels like I'm not real anymore. Idk.
I was really close to my grandpa for the last few years and I was his full-time caregiver. He had dementia and also cancer at the end. He passed away fairly recently and I have never felt like this. It's not just the grief but it's just a painful loneliness. I feel like the biggest loser in the world. I can't imagine a future and I used to be able to. I just know that I could never have a best friend, a friend, a boyfriend, a relationship. I used to desperately want romance in my life and then it went to a friendship and now it's just a conversation. Anything. I feel invisible. Like I'm just floating along outside of everything else. I don't know.
Ok, I'm going to stop. This is embarrassing.
I probably should have just said it's nice to meet you all that I hope you're doing well.
F 22 and from Kentucky.
I googled something about being really lonely and came across this forum. I decided to join in hopes that I'll find people to talk to.
Really struggle with talking to people no matter if it's in real life or online. Doesn't matter if it's anonymous or not. I don't have any friends and just spend most of my time on the internet. I can't even think of the last time I left my house. It all started when I was around 16 and my anxiety got really bad. I stopped talking to my friends, stopped going anywhere except for school, really withdrawn. I pushed everyone away and now there's no one left. It's my fault. It got worse and worse until now. I know there are people that would talk to me if I could try but I just don't even know how to anymore. I avoid everyone yet at the same time desperately wish I had someone. I just want someone to touch me and no I'm not meaning that in a sexual way. I just feel like a ghost or like I'm invisible. Most days it just feels like I'm not real anymore. Idk.
I was really close to my grandpa for the last few years and I was his full-time caregiver. He had dementia and also cancer at the end. He passed away fairly recently and I have never felt like this. It's not just the grief but it's just a painful loneliness. I feel like the biggest loser in the world. I can't imagine a future and I used to be able to. I just know that I could never have a best friend, a friend, a boyfriend, a relationship. I used to desperately want romance in my life and then it went to a friendship and now it's just a conversation. Anything. I feel invisible. Like I'm just floating along outside of everything else. I don't know.
Ok, I'm going to stop. This is embarrassing.
I probably should have just said it's nice to meet you all that I hope you're doing well.