Hey hi hello

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

kivengle

New member
Joined
Dec 10, 2018
Messages
1
Reaction score
0
Location
Here
I'm new here. 

F 22 and from Kentucky. 

I googled something about being really lonely and came across this forum. I decided to join in hopes that I'll find people to talk to. 

Really struggle with talking to people no matter if it's in real life or online. Doesn't matter if it's anonymous or not. I don't have any friends and just spend most of my time on the internet. I can't even think of the last time I left my house. It all started when I was around 16 and my anxiety got really bad. I stopped talking to my friends, stopped going anywhere except for school, really withdrawn. I pushed everyone away and now there's no one left. It's my fault. It got worse and worse until now. I know there are people that would talk to me if I could try but I just don't even know how to anymore. I avoid everyone yet at the same time desperately wish I had someone. I just want someone to touch me and no I'm not meaning that in a sexual way. I just feel like a ghost or like I'm invisible. Most days it just feels like I'm not real anymore. Idk. 

I was really close to my grandpa for the last few years and I was his full-time caregiver. He had dementia and also cancer at the end. He passed away fairly recently and I have never felt like this. It's not just the grief but it's just a painful loneliness. I feel like the biggest loser in the world. I can't imagine a future and I used to be able to. I just know that I could never have a best friend, a friend, a boyfriend, a relationship. I used to desperately want romance in my life and then it went to a friendship and now it's just a conversation. Anything. I feel invisible. Like I'm just floating along outside of everything else. I don't know. 

Ok, I'm going to stop. This is embarrassing. 

I probably should have just said it's nice to meet you all that I hope you're doing well.
 
Hello! Welcome to the forum!
I understand your grief, I had a couple good friends die recently and a family member too, if you ever want to to talk feel free to shoot me a pm.

Hope you find what you’re looking for here!
 
Wow. I really can relate to your feeling of floating on the outside of everything and that you don’t feel real anymore. It sucks not being able to connect. Always being tho odd one out.
I’m sorry to hear about your grandfather. Seems like he was important to you. 
And I have to say, I think it’s nice that you are writing a nice intro about yourself! It’s a sing of strength, it’s not embarrassing at all. Makes me able to connect with you and to see you. *wave* 😉

Anyways.
Welcome! 
We are glad to have you here. 🌈
 
I imagine loneliness being like I'm in an alternate universe where I'm the only living human in existence, and I am merely looking through into this universe, but cannot interact with it. The people on this forum are like a tribe in that universe I had originally thought empty.

Welcome to the tribe, Kivengle. :)
 
I think yours is a great introduction. Sorry for your loss. That you're only 22 and at such a young age took on the responsibility of caretaker to someone with dementia AND cancer I think says a lot about you as human being.  It takes a special person and it sounds like you're one of them.

There are many nice people here. So get involved and give it a chance. I think you might find it beneficial. Best wishes and welcome.
 
kivengle said:
I'm new here. 

F 22 and from Kentucky. 

I googled something about being really lonely and came across this forum. I decided to join in hopes that I'll find people to talk to. 

Really struggle with talking to people no matter if it's in real life or online. Doesn't matter if it's anonymous or not. I don't have any friends and just spend most of my time on the internet. I can't even think of the last time I left my house. It all started when I was around 16 and my anxiety got really bad. I stopped talking to my friends, stopped going anywhere except for school, really withdrawn. I pushed everyone away and now there's no one left. It's my fault. It got worse and worse until now. I know there are people that would talk to me if I could try but I just don't even know how to anymore. I avoid everyone yet at the same time desperately wish I had someone. I just want someone to touch me and no I'm not meaning that in a sexual way. I just feel like a ghost or like I'm invisible. Most days it just feels like I'm not real anymore. Idk. 

I was really close to my grandpa for the last few years and I was his full-time caregiver. He had dementia and also cancer at the end. He passed away fairly recently and I have never felt like this. It's not just the grief but it's just a painful loneliness. I feel like the biggest loser in the world. I can't imagine a future and I used to be able to. I just know that I could never have a best friend, a friend, a boyfriend, a relationship. I used to desperately want romance in my life and then it went to a friendship and now it's just a conversation. Anything. I feel invisible. Like I'm just floating along outside of everything else. I don't know. 

Ok, I'm going to stop. This is embarrassing. 

I probably should have just said it's nice to meet you all that I hope you're doing well.

I'm so sorry about your grandfather. You're trying to fill the large void aren't you. :(

I openly admit, I was just like you at your age and I didn't starting blooming until my later 20's when my bed ridden father passed (I was his full-time caregiver as well) and I still feel like I haven't entirely fully bloomed at 34, now. Maybe I'm not helping now... lmao. My point being, that experience shows immense love and makes you grow up very quickly. It's a strong life lesson. I dare say, more than most people who are already "mature adults". Perhaps, you become too much of a realist and feel out of place with the rest of the world enough that you think you're unwanted or the world has no place for you. Don't lose hope please, you're still very young and some people are just late bloomers.

In the very least, try to not be embarrassed and over think things, here. You're surrounded by like-minded or open-minded people. And there is absolutely NOTHING to be embarrassed about what you've said. :)

Most certainly hope I see more numbers added to your post count in the future.

Welcome to ALL, and most certainly will be accepted, by ALL. Hang in there.
 
I am not feeling well, so I am going to write in disjointed sentences.

Nice intro, really fleshed out.

Loneliness makes me feel like I am on the outside looking in, like I can see time passing by outside my window but, everything inside is in stasis. I am afraid one I'll wake up and realize my life is over, it passed me by.

Sometimes I get so lonely, I start to question my own existence. 

I am sorry to hear about your grandfather. May he find peace where he is now.

I don't talk much about myself, but I like to listen. I am here if you wanna talk/vent.

Welcome to the forum, I'll see you around.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top