Do you trust your friends not to judge you?

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ConfusedLaRoo

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Hello, let's start off by saying forums have never been a thing of mine, I've been much better at bottling my emotions rather then expressing them to friends or people in general. This year I hit a hard snag and I couldn't break free, it took a lot of convincing from a few friends for me to take a step back from the ledge I put myself on. To this day they don't know what put me on the ledge and I am not sure if telling them will help me or break me. To be honest I joined this forum probably a couple months ago but haven't posted anything in fear of not being acknowledged, at this point I am just rambling to make myself feel better. 

Do you have a secret from your friends that you're keeping in fear they'll be a great deal of judgement?  :club:
 
Let's pretend for a second that I have friends - If they judged me after I shared a deep, personal thought with them, then I would no longer want to know them. People who judge you are not, I repeat, NOT your friends.

You spill your emotions like guts, and if these people are truly your friends, then they will be supportive. If they can't be supportive, then I'm afraid you've made friends with the wrong group.

I hope that helps.
 
Here's the thing. EVERYONE judges. Whether you like it or not, everyone does it. You, me, him, her, your mom, your best friend, your enemy, etc etc....

It doesn't really matter if they judge you, so much as what they do with the information. If they condemn you for it and/or make you feel like honeysuckle about it, then you should seriously reconsider whether they are actually your friend. Now, if your secret is something completely horrible like you killed or maimed someone on purpose, then you're most like going to want to expect some backlash for it. But, if it's just a regular run of the mill secret, then yeah, they should be okay with it, IF they are actually your friend.

So, I trust my friends, but I know they can and do judge me for what I do, because as I said, everyone does. Sometimes, I even ASK them to judge me. It matters more to me that they are HONEST with me than it is to try to spare my feelings.
 
Hey.
I see you and want to read your words. So keep em coming ehh? 😁
I have so many secrets it’s just overwhelming. People only get to know a very small part of me, the most of me is hidden. There is safety in hiding. But, lonelyness too.
Openig up and leaving your heart raw is scary. 
In my personal experience you loose a lot of people that can’t deal with stuff, it depends on the type of secret too. Some secrets are too dark and taboo, it touches something in them that they don’t want to face. It hurts them to see that amount of pain and suffering. I don’t have a lot of friends because of this. 
In this forum I have found some that wants to listen to me, to hear all the raw and dark thoughts and experiences. Having that means so much cause I know that I can be myself, let my guard down and just exist without having to hide. Removing all my clothes and being naked is wonderful. 🌈

To get back on point: No you can’t be sure that they won’t judge you.
 
I don't trust anyone. Hardly anyone has ever shown themselves worthy of said trust. I have an enormous secret I keep, which is ironically known here. I keep it because I know I'll be judged for it. As Callie said, everyone is. And I don't need it. Because it's hardly ever fair.
I've been hurt enough times and hard enough that I don't know if I still have the capacity for trust, or even love, anymore. But, you know, don't take it as gospel. We're all different and whats true. in my case might be conpletely different in yours.
 
Thanks all for the responses, I know judgement lies in all of us but as for what kind of judgement I guess is the difference. There's constructive criticism which is in the same category I feel, but then there's the darker side of judgement which is mocking they may not do it to my face but I fear it'll be behind my back. I may just be crazy and they don't but my mind clearly thinks otherwise. I do trust them as friends and they have been there when I need them and I for them. I guess my secret I will keep with the few Ive told, really there's no reason my friends should know it'll never affect them any.
 
There is a saying
Until I have walked a mile in that persons shoes ....who am I to judge
 
In my humble opinion, it boils down to many things.

First understanding what causes people to be judgemental in the first place. I like to think it mostly stems from conditioning, bitterness, brainwashing, egos, or unfairly reminded as someone else (stereo-typing). Sometimes a combination of them all. No one is BORN judgemental. That's silly lol. Personally, I never judge anyone on first glance but... I do, out of behavior. I'm honestly, more on first impressions than I'd like to be. I read a lot of people out of self defense and empathy. I still bounce around and never take my initials thoughts permanently but the seed is planted at that point. If you rub me off the wrong way or give me bad vibes, then it starts to manifest. The anger or dislike will start turning the cynicism in me. That's where, I sadly, judge.

It's also about bias. I'm sure some people stopping judging someone once they've grown to like them. No different than someone who is incapable of seeing the bad in anyone they've become infatuated with or falling for.

To imply that everyone is judgemental is no different than saying everyone is bitter or cynical. Which is not the case imo.

Want to not be judged by friends? You simply have to find accepting friends that aren't the judging type, or are entirely like you where they honestly can't unless it's hypocritical lol. Constructive criticism sure, judging, no.

Seeing how someone talks to you about your fellow friends is a strong indicator if they are the judging type. The toxicity of your circle, if you will. Some people live for the drama, others avoid it.

Find the friends you can be, YOU, around. Don't let anyone potentially egocentric and full of THEIR life 'experience', tell you, it's never attainable. That's their life lesson, not yours. Experience and/or projecting more times than not, sadly turns people into self justified and righteously bitter hypocrites lol. God knows it's not easy, but at least try to be the better person to end the cycle.

I sometimes fall through the cracks myself but my motto is, If you're incapable of looking at yourself and trying to heal yourself (holding on tight to your current self), don't even try to heal others. You're teaching the wrong lessons from a bad place.

Sorry for my over explanations lol. In a nutshell, I believe "judging" to simply be defense out of conditioning or an emotionally driven thought from the more hateful side of the spectrum. Laced from another emotion or bad experience (told/taught or experienced first-hand).
 
No one judges me harsher than I judge myself. Doesn't leave much room to fear others judgement.
 
hewhowalksalone said:
Let's pretend for a second that I have friends - If they judged me after I shared a deep, personal thought with them, then I would no longer want to know them.  People who judge you are not, I repeat, NOT your friends.

You spill your emotions like guts, and if these people are truly your friends, then they will be supportive.  If they can't be supportive, then I'm afraid you've made friends with the wrong group.

I hope that helps.

You're wrong here. One of the most important things a friend does is judge. Judging doesn't mean they can't be supportive at the same time.
 
Th3Unforgiven said:
hewhowalksalone said:
Let's pretend for a second that I have friends - If they judged me after I shared a deep, personal thought with them, then I would no longer want to know them.  People who judge you are not, I repeat, NOT your friends.

You spill your emotions like guts, and if these people are truly your friends, then they will be supportive.  If they can't be supportive, then I'm afraid you've made friends with the wrong group.

I hope that helps.

You're wrong here. One of the most important things a friend does is judge. Judging doesn't mean they can't be supportive at the same time.

I'm sure when this thread was made, the word "judging" was to imply the bad side of it. Not constructive criticism. There is a difference imo. And what might be deemed as 'constructive' for one person, could do the opposite for another. Everyone thinks differently, and not your way of thinking even if it's out of tough love, fits them.

Perfect example, forcing an introvert to be an extrovert simply because you feel going out more equates to being more in tune with the world. Introverts aren't simply sheltering themselves from the world. Either can be even more in-tuned with the world. The difference is in how we re-charge or filter it all. Again, I stress, not all criticism is constructive even if it's coming from a good natured place. And sadly, sometimes when a self righteous person gives advice, and it's ignored, it sometimes turns into legitimate judging simply for not heeding it. This is were the ego tells some people to say, "I can't wait to tell you, I told you so!".

I say, accept them and understand them before you support someone with 'constructive' criticism. That's the fastest way to push anyone away or make them feel like they can't be honest with you. It's counter-productive and keeps from any strong bond from forming. Cynicism and ego bullshit aside, people by nature just want to be liked or accepted. That takes priority over any 'tough love' or 'coddling'. They're holding back from you or putting up a front because it.
 
I for one judge myself much harsher than anyone could judge me, recently I've been told I am not very kind to myself by a very good friend. So I get your statement very much!
 
Siku said:
In my humble opinion, it boils down to many things.

First understanding what causes people to be judgemental in the first place. I like to think it mostly stems from conditioning, bitterness, brainwashing, egos, or unfairly reminded as someone else (stereo-typing). Sometimes a combination of them all. No one is BORN judgemental. That's silly lol. Personally, I never judge anyone on first glance but... I do, out of behavior. I'm honestly, more on first impressions than I'd like to be. I read a lot of people out of self defense and empathy. I still bounce around and never take my initials thoughts permanently but the seed is planted at that point. If you rub me off the wrong way or give me bad vibes, then it starts to manifest. The anger or dislike will start turning the cynicism in me. That's where, I sadly, judge.

It's also about bias. I'm sure some people stopping judging someone once they've grown to like them. No different than someone who is incapable of seeing the bad in anyone they've become infatuated with or falling for.

To imply that everyone is judgemental is no different than saying everyone is bitter or cynical. Which is not the case imo.

Want to not be judged by friends? You simply have to find accepting friends that aren't the judging type, or are entirely like you where they honestly can't unless it's hypocritical lol. Constructive criticism sure, judging, no.

Seeing how someone talks to you about your fellow friends is a strong indicator if they are the judging type. The toxicity of your circle, if you will. Some people live for the drama, others avoid it.

Find the friends you can be, YOU, around. Don't let anyone potentially egocentric and full of THEIR life 'experience', tell you, it's never attainable. That's their life lesson, not yours. Experience and/or projecting more times than not, sadly turns people into self justified and righteously bitter hypocrites lol. God knows it's not easy, but at least try to be the better person to end the cycle.

I sometimes fall through the cracks myself but my motto is, If you're incapable of looking at yourself and trying to heal yourself (holding on tight to your current self), don't even try to heal others. You're teaching the wrong lessons from a bad place.

Sorry for my over explanations lol. In a nutshell, I believe "judging" to simply be defense out of conditioning or an emotionally driven thought from the more hateful side of the spectrum. Laced from another emotion or bad experience (told/taught or experienced first-hand).

Firstly thank you for taking the time to conceive a great response. Secondly I think in this case it's the brainwashing/conditioning/stereo-type factors that this judgement stems from. After reading your second response I also agree that judgement is a healthy part of a friendship it certainly helps with growth. When I initially posted this it wasn't constructive criticism that I was talking about, I embrace that as I feel everyone should, it's the type that condescending comments shine through or unintentional (unintentional because they have no idea the circumstances at this point) stabs are made. 

In the end there is truly no reason for them to know my secret it's just I don't like to keep things from my friends, especially those who I'd consider my "best friends". 

Interestingly I am completely comfortable around these two and am myself. The banter between us 3 flows so well with the understanding that we are appreciative of one another. I don't think any of us as humans will ever find a friend that doesn't judge one another, but to do it in a malicious way is obviously completely different. 

I am sorry this response is all over the place, my mind doesn't like to stay on one track.... Something I am working on.
 
Th3Unforgiven said:
hewhowalksalone said:
Let's pretend for a second that I have friends - If they judged me after I shared a deep, personal thought with them, then I would no longer want to know them.  People who judge you are not, I repeat, NOT your friends.

You spill your emotions like guts, and if these people are truly your friends, then they will be supportive.  If they can't be supportive, then I'm afraid you've made friends with the wrong group.

I hope that helps.

You're wrong here. One of the most important things a friend does is judge. Judging doesn't mean they can't be supportive at the same time.

I'm not wrong. I just missed out the word 'negatively'. :)

Yes, of course there's such thing as positive judgement.
 
ConfusedLaRoo said:
Do you have a secret from your friends that you're keeping in fear they'll be a great deal of judgement?  :club:

No I don't. I get judged enough by people that I know and in here.
 

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