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Could be my first christmas alone
#1
Needless to say, this is making me very anxious and depressed. Growing up, this was always my favorite time of year. I just loved everything about it and still do, even though things have changed. To be honest, I've probably changed the most and not always for the better.

Since my mid twenties (32 now) I've been pushing people away more and more. I remember even thinking now and then that I could easily be alone over this period and in general. Looking back now, I was a fool. I don't want to be alone like this.

I should and could have done a lot more to stop myself from chipping away at my life. To make matters worse, I'm unemployed at the moment and have been for a while, so I think that's just fuel on the fire.

I had the option of going with my mom to my grandmother's, where a few people will be. I declined and now regret that. I'm thinking I should just go, even though it would be a long drive my with dogs in mind.

Has anyone else here, with the same tendency of pushing people away, been able to turn things around?
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#2
I don't so much push people away - more accept that they don't tend to come to me unless I make the move. I'm not going to say 'yes, go to them. Everyone needs somebody on Christmas day' - because I believe that people should be able to value their own company instead of being expected to surrender to an overrated, commercialized holiday.

Just do whatever makes you happy. If being with your mother and grandmother on Christmas makes you happy, do it. If it doesn't, then embrace your solitude. I'm probably yammering a bunch of meaningless rubbish, but that's my take on it anyway.

Smile
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#3
(12-21-2018, 06:24 PM)hewhowalksalone Wrote: I don't so much push people away - more accept that they don't tend to come to me unless I make the move.  I'm not going to say 'yes, go to them.  Everyone needs somebody on Christmas day' - because I believe that people should be able to value their own company instead of being expected to surrender to an overrated, commercialized holiday.

Just do whatever makes you happy.  If being with your mother and grandmother on Christmas makes you happy, do it.  If it doesn't, then embrace your solitude.  I'm probably yammering a bunch of meaningless rubbish, but that's my take on it anyway.

Smile

Thanks for the reply.

I'm actually that way as well. I think at some point I just started to try or do less, both in meeting new people and spending time with the ones I already knew. I don't know if being that way is "bad" or "good". Maybe it's just a way people differ.

What I do know is that even though I love being independent and doing my own thing, I want more as well. I've probably gone too far in encouraging that part of me. 

I think the whole Christmas thing just puts all of that under a microscope.
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#4
Nice advice from Hewhowalksalone. Think I would say the same. 
One thing that I can contribute with is my feeling on my celebration. I’m spending it with my boyfriend and some of his friend. Have to say that even with them around I will feel just as alone and would probably have a better time celebrating it alone.
Being with someone doesn’t always make it better. 
Anyways.
I’m sending lots of love your way. 🌈
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#5
If you want to go see your family for Christmas, go see them. Don't make excuses, don't think of reasons you shouldn't or what would be easier. If you have the means to get there, then go.

If you don't want to go see your family for Christmas , don't go. Don't make excuses, don't think of reasons you should. If you don't want to be alone and don't go, can you find somewhere to volunteer for the day, like at a soup kitchen or something like that? You would be giving back and not be alone.

I have to disagree that Christmas is overrated or commercialized. While everyone does play it up for sales and all that, it's not really about any of that. It's about being together, having faith, spreading cheer, helping those less fortunate.
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#6
(12-21-2018, 08:29 PM)Jessicat Wrote: Nice advice from Hewhowalksalone. Think I would say the same. 
One thing that I can contribute with is my feeling on my celebration. I’m spending it with my boyfriend and some of his friend. Have to say that even with them around I will feel just as alone and would probably have a better time celebrating it alone.
Being with someone doesn’t always make it better. 
Anyways.
I’m sending lots of love your way. 🌈

Thanks for the support.

That's true. It's easy to be lonely in a crowd.

At first I thought I would be fine on my own, but seeing other people in my area gearing up for it hit me hard yesterday. I've just had a bad year, which I think is affecting me as well.

(12-21-2018, 08:58 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: If you want to go see your family for Christmas, go see them.  Don't make excuses, don't think of reasons you shouldn't or what would be easier.  If you have the means to get there, then go.

If you don't want to go see your family for Christmas , don't go.  Don't make excuses, don't think of reasons you should.  If you don't want to be alone and don't go, can you find somewhere to volunteer for the day, like at a soup kitchen or something like that? You would be giving back and not be alone.

I have to disagree that Christmas is overrated or commercialized.  While everyone does play it up for sales and all that, it's not really about any of that.  It's about being together, having faith, spreading cheer, helping those less fortunate.

Yeah, I'm thinking that I might go. Getting away for a bit might not be the worst thing either.

I've never thought of volunteering on Christmas day though. I'll have to check if there is something like that in my area.

Thanks for your reply.
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#7
That’s great.
I do hope you have a nice time with them. 
Bad year? Wanna share? 
If not, that’s ok too.
🙂
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#8
(12-21-2018, 11:01 PM)Jessicat Wrote: That’s great.
I do hope you have a nice time with them. 
Bad year? Wanna share? 
If not, that’s ok too.
🙂

This past year has been the worst in my life. I've been unemployed since the start and have not been able to find work. My confidence is so low.

It started at the end of 2013, when I quit my job to move closer to home, where I then started my own business. There were a few good moments, but it just never got going. I had to close at the end of last year.

Honestly, I feel like I'm stuck in quicksand. Feeling pretty hopeless.

(12-21-2018, 11:01 PM)Jessicat Wrote: That’s great.
I do hope you have a nice time with them. 
Bad year? Wanna share? 
If not, that’s ok too.
🙂

Sorry if I went a bit dark there, but you asked.  Smile
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#9
Christmas isn't that significative. Spend it with your family. Say to them that you would like to be with them. I love Christmas, it makes me so much nostalgic of the things I never had.

New year celebrations, these are my favorites. I spend them usually alone, staying in my car, in my "zen place", planning the year ahead
All your anger and your hurt
Doesn't matter in the end
Those days go by
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#10
Yes, I did ask cause I wanted to know. Don’t worry, I’m an expert in going to dark places. 😜
I’m sorry your business didn’t work out at planned. What kind of business did you have?
Sucks to be stuck in than quicksand feeling, where you don’t really see any way out. Sadly I don’t have any advice for you but to hang in there and that can be hard to do from time to time. I’m hoping things will get better. Pretty much everybody deserves to be happy so I’m crossing my fingers for you. 


Does the saying “crossing my fingers” exist in english too? Or is it just a Norwegian one? 🙂
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