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My wife doesn't want me to ruin Christmas..
#1
..but she ruins it every year. For me at least. She just dominates everything. I barely have any input with buying presents. She waits until the last minute to give me a small budget to buy her something then I have to rush around to find her something. Family issues that no one ever wants to talk about because it will ruin (insert special occasion) but that's the only time everyone is ever together. 

 How is it that I can be married and have kids and be so completely different from all of them that I feel like I'm from another planet? Why is it that things that seem so obvious to me aren't to them?
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#2
if I were in your position, I'd talk to her and tell her how she's making me feel. But that's just me. Smile
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#3
I think talking to her about what you are feeling is a good idea. A serious talk. 
Somethimes talking don’t help tho. I would know for sure. Sometimes the things that are wrong can’t be undone either by choice or other reasons. Not being appreciated by your significant other sucks. I hope you manage to have a nice Christmas. I’m feeling the same, that I am completely different from those around me. 
Anyways.
Merry Christmas! 😉
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#4
Yep, I agree with the others - talk it out. Many people feel a lot of pressure at this time of year to make the holidays ‘perfect’. I wouldn’t come right out and tell your wife she dominates Christmas, but I would gently point out that giving you a small budget last minute doesn’t give you much time to pick out a meaningful, thoughtful gift - one that truly expresses your love for her. And voice (gently) the other points you brought up - the choice of gifts, etc.

As to family issues, I tend to agree with her - the holidays aren’t really the best time to bring up old hurts and problem. Why can’t everyone get together via Skype or a group phone call to discuss things?
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#5
(12-23-2018, 01:52 AM)Black Manta Wrote: ..but she ruins it every year. For me at least. She just dominates everything. I barely have any input with buying presents. She waits until the last minute to give me a small budget to buy her something then I have to rush around to find her something. Family issues that no one ever wants to talk about because it will ruin (insert special occasion) but that's the only time everyone is ever together. 

 How is it that I can be married and have kids and be so completely different from all of them that I feel like I'm from another planet? Why is it that things that seem so obvious to me aren't to them?

I know what you mean about being from another planet, I don't understand humans either and I realised a long time ago I am not an accepted member of the human race. My family are my teddy bears, I love them and I wouldn't ever want to be without them. Humans are no good.
Why does your wife accuse you of trying to ruin Christmas. ?
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#6
Having read through your other posts, perhaps a counseling session would be the best gift of all.

There just seems to be a lot of tension all over the place. And that certainly elevates control freaks' need to control things.

I can understand people not wanting to bring up certain things on the holidays. But if it's drained to the point that one or more parties feel like it is being ruined, what is there to lose?
"You are as you are until you are not"

[Image: CooperativeWigglyArieltoucan-max-1mb.gif]
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#7
That's a conundrum.

Sometimes people grow together.

Sometimes they grow apart.

I know from personal experience that there is nothing more lonely than feeling alone amongst others.

This really sounds to me like just one instance of a larger underlying issue.
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#8
Thanks for all your replies. I'm just feeling frustrated. I do talk to her, and every once in a while I feel like I've made a breakthrough, but then when say Christmas rolls around again it's like nothing happened and I'm back at square one. It's almost like there a reset mode or a Groundhog's Day movie going on. I think that my wife and family just can't empathize with me, and I communicate very plainly with everyone. There's no mixed messages. There's no games. I guess some people can't change.

I'm on edge a little bit more this year. I found out that my one daughter might be getting engaged. Everyone is against it. I'm going to say something, because I'm her dad. If everyone else backed me I feel she might reconsider, but I know no one wants to start trouble so I'll be the bad guy once again.
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#9
(12-23-2018, 05:27 PM)Black Manta Wrote: Thanks for all your replies. I'm just feeling frustrated. I do talk to her, and every once in a while I feel like I've made a breakthrough, but then when say Christmas rolls around again it's like nothing happened and I'm back at square one. It's almost like there a reset mode or a Groundhog's Day movie going on. I think that my wife and family just can't empathize with me, and I communicate very plainly with everyone. There's no mixed messages. There's no games. I guess some people can't change.

I'm on edge a little bit more this year. I found out that my one daughter might be getting engaged. Everyone is against it. I'm going to say something, because I'm her dad. If everyone else backed me I feel she might reconsider, but I know no one wants to start trouble so I'll be the bad guy once again.

Hey Black Manta...your a braver man than me I wouldn't dare get in between my daughter and the man she wants to marry.If ok to ask what's the problem with the guy?
  Our greatest Glory is not in never falling , but
       in rising every time we fall
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#10
As a gift, I'd try to create an album of old and/or new photos of you and her. I have done that in the past and it definitely worked. Many gifts of high value money can't buy.
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