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Why do we self-isolate?
#21
Nice hair 😉
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#22
I think I just don't have much in common with most people.
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#23
Same here. I'm seen as being 'different' myself. Some of us just aren't given a chance to prove ourselves simply because we don't fit into the social demographic of what's considered 'normal'.

LostintheBardo, I'm curious to know what it is that makes you feel you don't have much in common with most. If you don't mind me asking.
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#24
Where to even start?  I'm a 27 year old Kiwi male who is interested in the esoteric and spirituality, I'm an introvert, I don't like team sports for the most part(which sets you apart from most people in New Zealand) ,  I play guitar and Didgeridoo in an experimental band, I'm not into Hip-hop, I'm out of work while I try and make a career in music composition for video games and films,  I've got social anxiety,  don't have much experience with the opposite sex and have never had a real girlfriend. I could go into more depth but hopefully you sort of get the picture. 

I'm hoping to meet some more cool people once I get my new Didgeridoo and start busking with it,  also when my band finally gets gigging.  I seem to spend most of time reading at the moment.
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#25
Ah, yes.

Lost, you inspire me to try and do more interesting stuff. I do write fiction now and again - but only when an idea hits me. I've only written a couple of fictions this year. I plan on writing more - but I have a major problem with procrastination. Been putting focus on finding a job - my Christmas temp job ends tomorrow so I'll be back on the hunt.

Hope your career takes off. Smile
To quote a popular werewolf film - 'Everyone's cursed.  It's called life'
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#26
Probably 99% of the time, people self isolate because of fear. Fear of rejection, fear of being judged, fear of people, fear of whatever. It's a pretty natural feeling, I think.
You just have to remember that if you don't risk anything, you will likely not get anything worthwhile.

Why do I self isolate? Well, I don't do it as often anymore, but I really don't get a chance to do it as often. My kids and my job and everything else keep me pretty busy, so I don't really have time for much of anything else. I am on several committees now, so it's harder for me to hide from the world like I used to. I think mine self isolation had more to do with what I thought of myself than what I thought others thought of me. Now, I just don't really care all that much.
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#27
(12-27-2018, 11:24 PM)ardour Wrote: I'm okay with small talk. Not every conversation has to be meaningful or personal.

It can serve a valuable purpose.
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#28
(12-30-2018, 01:05 AM)Minus Wrote:
(12-27-2018, 11:24 PM)ardour Wrote: I'm okay with small talk. Not every conversation has to be meaningful or personal.

It can serve a valuable purpose.

Yes it can if you can do it. I can't.  It's either deep and meaningful or nothing at all for me.
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#29
(12-28-2018, 06:53 PM)LostintheBardo Wrote: Where to even start?  I'm a 27 year old Kiwi male who is interested in the esoteric and spirituality, I'm an introvert, I don't like team sports for the most part(which sets you apart from most people in New Zealand) ,  I play guitar and Didgeridoo in an experimental band, I'm not into Hip-hop, I'm out of work while I try and make a career in music composition for video games and films,  I've got social anxiety,  don't have much experience with the opposite sex and have never had a real girlfriend. I could go into more depth but hopefully you sort of get the picture. 

I'm hoping to meet some more cool people once I get my new Didgeridoo and start busking with it,  also when my band finally gets gigging.  I seem to spend most of time reading at the moment.

You sound really cool! Romantic relationships are NOT everything, and they are a lot of work, as I can tell you from having been in one for a bit over 8 years. I love my guy, don't get me wrong, but if it for some reason just didn't work out, I wouldn't make an effort to get into another relationship. I play guitar and I love that you also play Didgeridoo and that you're in an experimental band. Smile I hope your music takes off!

You guys all got me thinking about the fear of rejection and abandonment being part of it. I think actually I self isolate out of fear of rejection as well. Because I'm not naturally "good" at socializing and it's a "which came first, the chicken or the egg" scenario: was I bad at socializing all along, or did being "socially starved" make me WEIRD? Like, if it's someone I really like I can just talk up a storm. And I sincerely DO want to hear what the other person has to say, but I get carried away, and since I have ADHD I can be really tangential. That has to be offputting. I don't blame people for pulling back a bit, if that's indeed what causes people to kind of pull back from me and either drop out of contact or just stop making the first move. The only person who was really vocal about my little "monologues" and really emphasized how annoying it is was an ex boyfriend who was kind of a prick about nearly everything, and very rarely gave me any praise or encouragement. No other "close" people in my life have said it was a dealbreaker for them. But I also seriously doubt people's ability to be honest and forthcoming about other people's negative traits; as a general rule I think people tend to avoid confrontation, and rather than give that kind of feedback, will just withdraw from the person who annoys them. Fine. But the thing is, when I bond with a person, I do become rather emotionally invested. The rejection is quite painful for me. As I move forward in life, I just find that I'm less and less motivated to take a risk and face what I view as the "inevitable" pain of an eventual rejection. I WILL fuck up. I WILL be annoying or offputting enough that this person will withdraw from me. Yes, I have tried to work on it. My husband is like, "Yeah, you can talk a lot, but I LIKE listening to you," because he's not a very talkative person. The only person I can call a best friend is also really talkative, and we enjoy our conversations about "everything and nothing." We get hardcore and philosophical, and we have found that natural balance of give and take in a conversation where we give each other the floor equally. We've known each other for over 20 years, however. She and my husband are the only two people on this planet that I trust implicitly with my heart. Everyone else, I'm just like, "Maybe you won't reject me for being a weirdo, but you very likely will, so why even try to make a connection?"
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#30
(12-28-2018, 08:39 PM)TheRealCallie Wrote: Probably 99% of the time, people self isolate because of fear.  Fear of rejection, fear of being judged, fear of people, fear of whatever.  It's a pretty natural feeling, I think.  
You just have to remember that if you don't risk anything, you will likely not get anything worthwhile. 

For myself that is 100% of the reason. I have a big fear of rejection. I think I will be given an affirmative "no!" if I even ask someone to coffee or something like that. Irrational, yes, but that's that.

I have a fear of being judged because damn it all that is what happens. I get judged every where and mostly when I am away from here because like everyone else here we spend most of our time away from this forum. But as luck would have it I get judged just as harshly when I am here and while you are right now no doubt getting ready to use that club emoji, that's the truth. And when you are judged by others so much the fear of people is not that far behind.

But your last sentence here says it all. You got to risk something and that's what I have not been doing. Which explains why my last year away from here has not been worthwhile.
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