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If things don't work out with my husband, it's the single life for me.
#1
I HOPE they do, don't get me wrong.  I guess after living through 2 parental divorces and seeing my mom and stepdad's relationship turn into one where they barely tolerate each other most of the time, I'm just realistic.  Relationships DON'T last forever.  Sometimes love is NOT all you need, etc.  The more I see how much bullshit there is in the dating world, the more I think if me and my husband's relationship doesn't work out, I don't really want to bother with romantic relationships again.  This might sound so counter to all the other threads I've seen where people who haven't had a romantic relationship ever, or in a long time, strongly want it.  Now that I've been in one for awhile, I'm glad I did it, I hope we can make it and still come out of it loving each other, but I don't think I'd want to do it again should this one not work out.
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#2
(12-25-2018, 03:00 AM)cosmosandmusiclover Wrote: I HOPE they do, don't get me wrong.  I guess after living through 2 parental divorces and seeing my mom and stepdad's relationship turn into one where they barely tolerate each other most of the time, I'm just realistic.  Relationships DON'T last forever.  Sometimes love is NOT all you need, etc.  The more I see how much bullshit there is in the dating world, the more I think if me and my husband's relationship doesn't work out, I don't really want to bother with romantic relationships again.  This might sound so counter to all the other threads I've seen where people who haven't had a romantic relationship ever, or in a long time, strongly want it.  Now that I've been in one for awhile, I'm glad I did it, I hope we can make it and still come out of it loving each other, but I don't think I'd want to do it again should this one not work out.

....and you'd be far from the only one who thought like that, just one of the few who says it out loud. Sometimes things get broke don't get fixed. It's sad, but it happens. Don't let yourself be worn down by what others think, as much as by making the best possible choices with your life as you can. Either way, good luck.
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#3
Amen.
"You are as you are until you are not"

[Image: CooperativeWigglyArieltoucan-max-1mb.gif]
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#4
(12-25-2018, 03:51 AM)Richard_39 Wrote:
(12-25-2018, 03:00 AM)cosmosandmusiclover Wrote: I HOPE they do, don't get me wrong.  I guess after living through 2 parental divorces and seeing my mom and stepdad's relationship turn into one where they barely tolerate each other most of the time, I'm just realistic.  Relationships DON'T last forever.  Sometimes love is NOT all you need, etc.  The more I see how much bullshit there is in the dating world, the more I think if me and my husband's relationship doesn't work out, I don't really want to bother with romantic relationships again.  This might sound so counter to all the other threads I've seen where people who haven't had a romantic relationship ever, or in a long time, strongly want it.  Now that I've been in one for awhile, I'm glad I did it, I hope we can make it and still come out of it loving each other, but I don't think I'd want to do it again should this one not work out.

....and you'd be far from the only one who thought like that, just one of the few who says it out loud. Sometimes things get broke don't get fixed. It's sad, but it happens. Don't let yourself be worn down by what others think, as much as by making the best possible choices with your life as you can. Either way, good luck.

Thank you Richard! There is such a stigma about being single, and I never agreed with that. I always figured if I ended up single, I could handle it and may even enjoy it. I enjoy my husband for the most part. Every relationship takes work and sometimes people also drift apart and go their separate ways. Me and my husband have agreed that if we work on our relationship and that still happens, we will be civil and kind to one another in the process of breaking up. Again, I hope it doesn't happen, but I accept the reality that the possibility exists and I figure one go-around is enough for one lifetime. Smile
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#5
(12-25-2018, 03:00 AM)cosmosandmusiclover Wrote: I HOPE they do, don't get me wrong.  I guess after living through 2 parental divorces and seeing my mom and stepdad's relationship turn into one where they barely tolerate each other most of the time, I'm just realistic.  Relationships DON'T last forever.  Sometimes love is NOT all you need, etc.  The more I see how much bullshit there is in the dating world, the more I think if me and my husband's relationship doesn't work out, I don't really want to bother with romantic relationships again.  This might sound so counter to all the other threads I've seen where people who haven't had a romantic relationship ever, or in a long time, strongly want it.  Now that I've been in one for awhile, I'm glad I did it, I hope we can make it and still come out of it loving each other, but I don't think I'd want to do it again should this one not work out.

How long have you two been together? How long have you been married?  What's going on between you and your husband that you're frustrated about?
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#6
(12-25-2018, 09:30 AM)morrowrd Wrote: How long have you two been together? How long have you been married?  What's going on between you and your husband that you're frustrated about?

Just to clarify, we aren't in any imminent danger of breaking up right now. I do hope we can continue to keep our relationship going AND continue to enjoy each other, but I'm just, I don't know, maybe a little cynical? This cynicism is informed by my life experiences. My mom and stepdad have been married for 30 years and they are decidedly unhappy together most of the time. Not having knock-down, drag-out fights, but they just don't "get" each other anymore. We've been together 8 years, married for 6. There's nothing I would say "earth shattering" going wrong in our relationship aside from the usual issues I think most couples encounter once that "new relationship energy" wears off. We have both changed quite a bit as people in those years, mostly in the form of both of us picking up interests and hobbies that are very divergent when we used to be more into the same things. Nothing deal-breaking yet, and we regularly check in. I still believe we are a decent match, we love each other, etc. We're trying to keep things cool and interesting and work out the kinks in our relationship. We're both loners who found each other to be alone together with.

However, he and I DO occasionally have the "what if" conversation. We both came to the conclusion that neither one of us wants to be like my parents, or his, for that matter (his were also barely tolerating each other by the time his mom died). IF it ever comes to that, we would go our separate ways in the most kind and loving way possible, and breaking up WOULD be a last resort. That being said, neither of us is PLANNING on ending things as of NOW. I was more just saying if, say 5 or 10 years down the road, it doesn't work out, I'm pretty content with the idea of embracing the single life.

I was basically trying to get across that the simple IDEA of simply being single doesn't actually bother me. If hypothetically things didn't work out, I wouldn't pursue further romances going forward (at least I feel that way now). A thing I figured out about myself in my mid 30's which I didn't "get" in 20's is that at my nature, I'm NOT a very "relationship-py" person. Now it's just something about me that I try to keep under wraps so I am not a bad partner (basically I'm always on guard to keep my innate selfishness at bay so I treat him like he deserves to be treated). Society stigmatizes being single, and the concept of being single by choice really baffles most people. But there are perks to it, perks I didn't see when I was younger and had rose colored glasses on about what being in love is like.

As far as partners go, my husband is a good person and he keeps up his end of the bargain. He is respectful and affectionate, but gives me my space and lets me do stuff I want to do, and I do the same for him. He works and does his end of the housework. He is a good man, and I'm not planning on running off. I'm just saying that as we move into middle age, if we find we change enough that we're no longer compatible, sure I would mourn the end of that relationship, but I wouldn't have hard feelings against him, and I wouldn't be seeking out a new partner to replace him. I would accept that this go-around didn't work out, get into therapy to help me grieve in a healthy way, and settle into singledom. I know this must be a confusing duality, but there it is.
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