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Well I’ve got a big bed
Sit in bed all day and fanny about on the internet on my phone and I’m not very good at doing that, I call it phone fiddling because I’m not really that good on the internet. I also FaceTime my companion called Rosie who lives 100 miles away, she has cerebral palsy, we don’t see each other very often, because neither of us have a car.

It’s all very sad.

It’s 3am in the uk and another night of insomnia.

Depression = wake up at 4am.

Generalised anxiety disorder (on top of depression) = Insomnia.

Haven’t had a decent nights sleep in 5 years.

All rather sad.
Sounds rough. When I have trouble getting to sleep I just watch videos or play a game, playing games seems to work best since it helps to occupy your mind. Ones you play on your phone or tablet. I play Minion Rush, DC Legends, and Transformers Forged To Fight which crashes so much it can drive you nuts and not help you fall asleep. It's good if your device is set to sleep when it's idle for too long so you don't have that glow which can wake you up. Reading works for some people as long as your book doesn't fall off your bed with a loud slam that will wake you up. Of course those things don't work for everyone, and sometimes even if they help you get to sleep you don't always get a good nights rest. There are all kinds of things to try which you probably have. Some people drink warm milk, some people use a little (or a lot) of alcohol, or rock in a chair, etc.

I'll tell you something funny, I like to write stories and when I'm in the grove with one I'll write for quiet some time. There have been times when I start to get sleepy but I just want to finish a thought off. I'll start dozing off and wake up to find a string of a letter, which ever finger is pressing harder on a key, filling up the screen. All I see is a wall of dddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd which is the most common one I find, my left middle finger seems to be the one that rests the heaviest. I don't even use that finger very often, it's usually my right middle finger since I'm right handed.

Anyway, I've probably bored you now and you've fallen asleep and now you are going to be dreaming about computer screens filled with walls of letters.
Sickos never scare me. Least they're committed.  
Never Give Up!  Never Surrender!

[Image: p5XQ_g.gif]
Well I fell asleep at 4am and woke up at 7am.

Vodka is my weapon of choice to get to sleep. But this has been going on 4 years and I’ve become tolerant to it, plus I can’t afford it anymore.

It was funny because I went to a health care assessment with the department of work and pensions, to see if I was fit for work, the nurse said to me ‘well you wake up in the morning, get out of bed then what do you do with the rest of the day’, I said ‘well I don’t wake up in the morning and I don’t get out of bed’. The DWP on the basis of this sort of stuff for an hour, then signed me off on the sick again.
I think I’m still in love with my wife. Can’t get over her, think about her everyday and the kids.

But the sex was crap, really crap, can’t possibly tell you how crap the sex was. Sooner have a cup of coffee or something.

What can you do?.
You guys aren’t together or? 
Hard to love someone and not be able to be with that person. I know for sure about that feeling.
I wake up and realise that I am here and he is somewhere else living his life. That hurts.
Life sucks don’t it? ❤️
Jeez, seems like I’m rambling on. 
Sorry for the word womit. 😉
We’re separated. Have been for six years.

I think about her everyday, still have pictures of her on my window ledge.

It was the last roll of the dice with her. There’s nothing to move onto now.

I’m heart broken (literally).

We just both I think simply wait for one or the other to die.
*giving you a long hug*

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